#drawing has been so fucking hard the past few weeks im sorry for like having nothing to share

[sad-leon]

"So why am I so tiny, and why am I so mad?"

KoFi || Patreon

[sleptwithinthesun]

a personal (and very extremely late) fill for the🤞and 🥰 prompts on the spring prompts list, written for t/im d/rake from d/c c/omics. yes, i'm aware it's summer. however, i started this fic over two years ago and it needs to be done.

2K words, next part of the t/imber college au. hope you like it!!

"Look at me for a second?" Bernard asks, tapping the eraser end of his pencil against his notebook a couple of times, just to ensure that he has Tim's attention. It lands just to the right of his half-finished sketch of his roommate, who's typing a lab report up on his laptop on the other side of the library table. 

Tim complies, glancing up and making brief eye contact to show Bernard the slowly-emerging freckles scattered over his cheeks and the ever-present, bruise-like bags under his eyes. They've been getting worse lately, probably due to the arrival of the spring season and its various allergens, even though Tim started taking Benadryl towards the beginning of March. They're now a week into April, with allergy season in full swing.

Bernard's gaze sweeps over Tim's face, and then he squints down at his drawing. After a moment of deliberation, he goes back over Tim's lash line and carefully shades a touch lower and darker than he was previously. "Thanks." 

"No problem," Tim replies, coughing quietly into a fist a second later. It sounds chesty, same as it has been for the past few weeks, and Tim just keeps going, like someone's scratching at his lungs. Which, to be fair, is probably how he feels about the whole thing. He's been getting worse at night recently, waking both himself and Bernard up at early hours in the morning with coughing fits. 

There's not much either of them can do about it, though, and Bernard's not been sleeping well, anyway. Not to any fault of Tim; he's just been… wondering. About some things. Regarding Tim, sure, but not because of him. Nevertheless, he's been staying up with him until his roommate manages to fall back asleep congested snores emanating from his side of the dorm. 

Not for the first time since they'd arrived at the library, Tim suddenly drops his chin towards his chest, eyes pinching shut tightly before his shoulders give a minuscule jerk forwards. He barely manages a shallow inhale before the motion repeats twice more, and then blinks a few times, sniffling quietly into his sweatshirt sleeve. Also not for the first time, Bernard murmurs, "Bless you."

"Ugh, sorry, I don't think I'm dohh—" He cuts himself off with another silent double, and then a third pair for good measure. "Oh, fuck me," Tim mutters, a bit breathless. 

"Christ, bless you times... how many even was that, seven total? They're so quiet; it's hard to tell." Tim nods to confirm the number, his eyes bleary from sneezing as he rubs a knuckle against the side of his nose to quell the remaining itch instead of responding verbally. "Bless you times seven. Why do you sneeze like that, anyway?" 

Tim blinks at him, clearly confused. "Like what?"

"Like… you're completely stifling to the point where they're silent." Bernard fumbles to explain, trying to find the right words without sounding insane. "I don't know anyone who can do that without using their hands or something. It's kind of... uh, impressive, to be honest, but can I ask, why do you sneeze that way? Is there a reason, or is it just...?"

"I don't know," Tim says, then shrugs. "I never really thought about it. It's polite, I guess, to make them quieter. Doesn't bother anyone else."

And Bernard-of-several-months-ago would have simply been content to have even gotten an answer out of Tim in the first place, would have accepted his word without a second thought. But Bernard-of-now can see the little flicker in Tim's eye, the one that means he's lying to him, which makes no sense, because what does Tim have to lie about?

It's a sneeze. There's no backstory to it, as far as Bernard is aware of. It's simple, it's thoughtless, it's inherent. Sure, he knows that people can hold back their sneezes if needed, but at it's base, it's a reaction, and one that's hard to control. The level to which Tim can manipulate his own, though, speaks to something far more complicated than Bernard can even begin to form connotations to.

For now, he has to let it go. Everything about Tim is a mystery, and the code to deciphering him is written between the lines of Dick's offering of his and Jason's phone numbers. So, unless Bernard texts one of them to ask why Tim sneezes weirdly, which is quite possibly the most bizarre question he could even raise, he's on his own.

Don't let it be said that Bernard Dowd doesn't love a challenge.

-

Over the remainder of the week, Bernard keeps an eye on Tim as if he's a sentry assigned to stand guard over him. He does feel weird about it—almost stalkerish, which, honestly and a bit embarrassingly, isn't exactly new to him—but it's not like Bernard's trying to learn anything he didn't already know about Tim's personal life. He lives in the same room as Tim, for crying out loud. Objectively, he's not doing anything wrong. At least, that's how Bernard justifies it to himself.

He's aware that he's being all Bernard about it, looking too deeply into it when, in reality, it's probably nothing more than Tim preferring not to draw attention to himself. At the same time, Bernard can't help but feel as if there's something more to it. After all, Tim decided to hide the fact that he was missing a whole-ass organ for a semester; he truly wouldn't put it past Tim to somehow have a buried trauma about sneezing. It would only make sense for him.

To be perfectly honest, though, Tim is boring.

Bernard didn't notice it in their fall semester, when Tim was being avoidant for the most part and didn't trust Bernard enough to reveal anything about his personal life. Apparently, he wasn't missing out. Tim studies more than anything, and even when he's not studying, he's doing homework or reading or something equally uninteresting. It makes his observation of his roommate very dry.

Until the moment where he invites Tim to sit outside.

They're moving through the quad together, Tim having just attended his linguistics class and heading into a free period while Bernard's done with classes for the day. The April weather is gorgeous, with a nice breeze cutting through the heat of the day. It's so nice, in fact, that Bernard asks—

"Want to stay outside for a bit?"

Tim's steps pause for a moment, hesitating. "Why?"

Bernard can barely stop himself from staring in shock at him. Sure, he grew up in the city, but he spent every moment that he could in the park. "it's... nice?" he ventures. "Plus, you could use more sun."

"First, rude. Second, if you insist." Tim sighs, glancing around for a place to sit. "As long as we're not directly in the sunlight."

Bernard rolls his eyes. "Sure, whatever. Vampire."

Tim scoffs at him, following Bernard as they move to take a seat in the shade underneath a tree. He only seems vaguely annoyed, meaning that he does actually care, at least a little bit. They're not at the point yet where Tim's comfortable being jokingly annoyed or mad with Bernard, since Bernard did it to Tim once and ended up sending Tim into a spiral for the next day over whether he was actually upset.

So. His annoyance here is at least vaguely interesting.

"hn'x! ngt! hnk'tt!"

"Bless you," Bernard murmurs. Tim shakes his head and immediately goes to sneeze again, sitting up with his head tipped back slightly, eyes half-shut, mouth partly open as his breath hitches quietly.

"hh...hi'h? hHhh—" He's trying to hold it back and is failing miserably. "—hk't! hxxt! hn'gt! h'hHn'gt-sh!"

"Bless you."

"Why'd you want to be out here?" Tim asks, voice nasal. His head immediately bobs down toward his chest again, nose pressed into the crook between his thumb and pointer finger to at least give himself a semblance of modesty. This set is even more numerous than the first, each sneeze coming in rapid succession.

Bernard sits up straighter in alarm. "Uh... exactly how allergic are you to pollen?"

Tim's response is another rapid set of sneezes.

"You need to get better at putting your foot down," exclaims Bernard, grabbing Tim by his free wrist and hauling him upward as Tim sneezes again and again, each perfectly stifled and barely making any sound. The only reason, Bernard reflects, that he can hear them is because Tim's sneezing too much to fully have control.

"You're—gxt'sh!—telling me," Tim gasps out. Mockingly, he attempts to add, "You could use more su'h'nxt! hxt'ch!"

"Okay, Sneezy, let's get back to the very climate-controlled indoors," says Bernard, hastily dragging him toward the building.

-

Tim's lying down on his bed when Bernard walks into their dorm, three days after the incident, absently staring up at the ceiling. There's nothing taped up there—Bernard checked.

"You okay?"

"Fine," replies Tim. "Just... thinking."

Bernard sets his backpack down next to his bed, placing the binder in his hands down on top of his comforter to ensure he doesn't forget about the homework in it. "Anything in particular?"

Tim shrugs, which is his way of saying Yes, but I don't want to talk about it. Bernard had given up on trying to interpret all of Tim's nonverbal signals on his own and reached out to Dick the day after Tim's allergy attack; Dick had informed him that reading Tim was like learning a new language. He wasn't very communicative at best, even with members of his own family, and it took Dick years to figure everything out. Jason is still struggling, apparently, which Dick attributes to Jason being in college while Tim was adjusting to living with the Waynes. He's gradually been passing tips onto Bernard, trying to make his living experience a tad easier.

Uncertainly, he walks over to Tim's side of the room, stopping just short of sitting on the bed with his roommate. Looming over him feels like an equally terrible option, and Bernard just stands there for an awkward moment.

"This is a little creepy."

"You're one to talk," Bernard says before having the chance to properly filter himself. He's trying to get Tim to open up, here.

Tim huffs out a laugh, then sniffles quietly. "Just sit down."

Bernard does. Neither of them say anything for a long minute, with the silence frequently broken by Tim's soft sniffles as he continues fighting off the pollen in the air.

"You know you can sneeze, right?" he blurts out. Tim doesn't blink. "Like, around me. I don't mind, I promise."

When Tim doesn't respond, Bernard keeps rambling. "It's just that, every single time I've seen you sneeze you're stifling. No matter what. Even if you're alone in the room, you don't make any noise, and, like, it's worrying me. It's not, um, normal. Not that you're not normal, obviously, but—"

"Bernard."

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

Bernard rolls his head to look at Tim. His roommate is still looking at the ceiling instead of at him, but he's talking.

"I was..." He pauses, starts over. "My parents very much believed in the adage of children being seen and not heard. To them, my silence wasn't an expectation, it was a strict necessity for me."

"Tim..."

"For whatever reason, they included normal bodily functions in that." Tim scoffs, but it's devoid of any feeling, as if he's making the noise only because he's expected to show disapproval toward his parents. "Coughing, sneezing, anything like that was taboo. So, I learned to keep quiet."

"You know that's not okay, right?"

"I've heard that nearly a thousand times from Dick and Jason." Now, he turns to face Bernard. "I'm aware."

Bernard sighs. "Do you believe it?"

A moment of silence. Three different emotions pass over Tim's face, too quickly for Bernard to parse through them all, but something sad is certainly there. "I'm working on that," he says eventually.

"That's good," replies Bernard, and they fall back into silence before Tim sneezes adorably, much like a baby kitten.

"hk'sh'iew!"

"Oh my God."

"Shut up!"

[sucker4sixx]

Relight my fire

Pt.2

plot: generation swine release party!!

Warnings: alcohol?

The next morning you wake up to nikki sitting beside you, holding a glass of water, the gesture reminding you about your pulsing hangover. “Hey.. drink this, i figured youd be ill with the hangover” nikki smiles alittle, hoping somehow you wouldnt remember the kiss as you gulp greedily from the pint of cold water like a warm dog “thankyou..” you look at his eyes for a few seconds before he stands up, leaving your room. After 20 minutes you walk to the kitchen, nikki sitting outside having a smoke like the morning before and the morning before that. You take a cigarette out your own pack and slip on his thick zipper, walking out to him and sitting beside him.

“You’re up already?” He smiles, passing you his lighter “and in my zipper?” You smile back to him, sitting beside him on the cold, hard bench, the smoke both of you blow out intertwining “yeah well.. its comfy, you cant blame me”

“No.. i cant” his eyes linger on you for a few seconds before he looks away. “Last night was… fun” he adds, wanting to speak about the kiss that you so desperately tried to get out of your head. “Yeahhh..” you reply awkwardly “it was..” he coughs, none of you sure how to talk about the elephant in the.. garden? “Listen i-“

“Listen-“ you speak at the same time only making things worse, his cheeks even red with the tension “you go..” you whisper and nikki nods, facing you as he stubs out his cigarette. “The kiss was.. something, and the confession and just.. listen, im not in the right place to start anything, im just out a fucking marriage..” he sighs in frustration but not to you, to his heart for letting him feel these feelings for you. “I know, nikki is promise this will be the last time this happens”

A week later you are both at vinces house, hes throwing a party for finishing their album “generation swine”, nikkis busy away talking to people the whole night, leaving you drinking alone on the white leather couches.

Eventually he flops beside you, passing you a rum and coke “hey stranger” you smile wide, your cheeks automatically heating up at the sight of him “sorry hun, been a busy night” you shake your head, taking a sip of the rum and coke “no, dont apologise, this is your night.. im proud of you” nikki laughs bashfully “you sound like a parent telling their kid that their shitty drawings good.. to be honest.. i dont have a great feeling about this album” he admits, looking at his feet. You move your hand to his back and scratch it softly “well.. i think it sounds amazing” you kiss his cheek softly and he turns to face you, smiling “your a sweetheart, honestly.. dont know where id be right now if you werent with me” he moves in and kisses you softly before moving away like it was natural “i need a piss” he slaps your thigh softly and stands up, leaving you red faced and confused.

You get up after a few minutes and look around for him, pushing past the crowd of drunken rockstars, souring your face at the strong smell of cigarettes and hairspray untill you find him, hes leaning against a kitchen counter talking to some tall blonde woman. Without a second thought you walk up to him, your heart pounding when his eyes catch yours, he knows whats coming. You grab his hair and pull him down as you kiss him desperately, his tongue sliding into your mouth as his large hands hold your hair. He turns round so your standing with your back to the counter so you couldnt leave him as he kissed you like a dog in heat, moaning into you. “Jesus darlin..” he pulls away and you try to meet his lips again causing him to move back “your so desperate” he grins wide seeing the effect he has on you, just like he has on every other woman. “Nikki please-“

you both get cut off by a woman saying nikkis name, he turns round and its his ex wife, she smiles and runs over to hug him, clearly not seeing what had just happened. Beth.. they were married for years but cheated on eachother and it ended messy. Nikki wraps his arms around her and even though you knew they had more history, you cant help but feel your heart sink so you just step away, walking off back to the party. An hour later your tired and upset but nikki doesnt seem to want to go home, you approach him and tap his shoulder, beth raising her eyebrow. “Nikki could i get the house keys? Im really tired” you ask and beths face drops, thinking you were his girlfriend. “Of course sweetheart, here.. ill be home soon” he smiles up and you.

Two hours later nikki returns drunker than when you left, your surprised when you dont hear anyone with him. You get up and head to his room where hes stumbling around, struggling to get his clothes off. “Hey nikki” you smile, his face brightening up when he sees you “sweetheart!” He slurs and stumbles over to you “your so drunk, do you need help getting this off?” You tug at his shirt softly “yeah.. undress me baby” he laughs, wiggling his eyebrows “your so annoying” you smile, taking his shirt off as he sways alittle.

“So.. you and beth?” You ask carefully “i still love her.. of course” your smile drops and you nod, trying not to seem bothered “but she fucked you over nikki..” he falls silent “she cheated-“ “yeah well i cheated too” he buts in, its clearly a sensitive subject, you both fall silent “sorry.. i just want the best for you” you say quietly “i know.. but what if she is the best for me” your heart sinks even further , you knew you were the best for him, you knew you could treat him right “why did you cheat on her?” You ask as he struggles to take off his pants, you help out and unbutton them, helping him to his bed. “She cheated on me and.. i wanted to hurt her back, im no angel sweetheart” you nod and lay in next to him.

“Your sleeping here tonight?” He smirks “well, need to keep an eye on you dont i?” You smile and he pulls you onto his warm chest. “No.. but i dont mind if you do”

[fatuismooches]

My previous asks about biting is just because i have cute aggression and your works are so cute (usually, one time i wanted to test out how dramatic my mascara was so i read some of your angst, cried) but now that i really think about it? my number one competitor is Il Dottore himself

It's my personal headcanon dottore has really bad cute aggression, sure it's mainly under control now because he's been alive for fuckinf Centuries (for all childhood friends works where the reader is male would it count as old man yaoi- *gets shot*) but with his lover? absolutely out of control

Maybe they're cuddling and his lover's hand gets close to his mouth? eated, chomped

childhood friends reader who has scars on their arms because of how hard dottore has bitten them

it gets so bad that the reader has to give him a taste of his own medicine, he bit them a few minutes ago and now he has his hand by their mouth? EATED (he gets so confused and then Realizes, unbeknownst to you, you started an all out war.)

Make sure to wear turtlenecks during the chomping war because if you walk past him wearing like, a tee-shirt he'll just move the collar of the shirt (or even stretch it, bastard) just to bite your shoulder and then act like nothing happened

after about the first week, you both look like you were mauled by a small cat.

Eventually, a truce is made, so it's not as bad, but you two still bite each other like feral cats.. It's just more provoked rather than "i have to get them back IMMEDIATELY"

So there's not as many bite marks everywhere, mainly on each other's arm and hands now because, what else are you supposed to do if your lover's hand is by your mouth? kiss it? fucking casual. Bite his cheek and watch him go absolutely insane though

some other harbingers who i think have cute aggression but not as bad

The second place is pantalone, he isnt bitey, but he will grab, squish, and tug at your cheeks aggressively if you say or do something cute whole cooing about the cuteness of what you just did

columbina will just, hug and squeeze you really REALLY tight if you do something cute, its hard to breathe but thats ok

the last and (funnily enough) least aggressive when it comes it cuteness, is childe, he'll hug you tightly (not as tight as columbina) and squish your cheeks, but only for a few seconds (unlike pantalone, who will literally make your face numb) he is lime a healthy mix of both of those two, he will get bitey however. - 🎈 pspsp smooches cmere i promise i wont bite you (lying)

🎈 ANON?? HELP IM SORRY FOR MESSING UP YOUR MASCARA I DIDNT MEAN TO 😭 (or did I?) But omg, I honestly didn't know what cute aggression was until now, thank you for informing me of this AND I'M GONNA BE STEALING YOUR HCS BC THATS TOO CUTE 🤲❤️❤️😭

I'm just. EXPLODING 💥 Bro doesn't know how to control his biting strength too so he ends up drawing blood sometimes 😔 (But it's okay since it's Dottore) I bet people assume the scars you have are from something cool like battles but nope... you got BIT by a human, multiple times at that. The first time it happened you probably let out a little scream because he's literally nomming on you unprompted and... you've never met anyone who does that 😨 I wonder if he even has an explanation for it or he just... does it? He just wants to bite you and he will, you can't stop him😭🙏

I mean, you get used to the random bitings, but if there's one thing about you, is that you will put him in his place if need be! If Dottore thinks he can just go on ranting about his research after fatally biting you, he's wrong 😒 He starts waving his hands around in excitement and you know what. Bitten. Nom-nom. Congrats. This is one of the very few times Dottore's rendered speechless. (Worst mistake of your life.) You know how regular couples give each other good morning/night kisses? Well Zandik does something like that... he just bites you unprovoked instead. It's the absolute worst during the Akademiya because you're sweating so hard trying to cover all of your skin but also trying to avoid getting nipped on the neck by that irritating deadly scholar 🫠 He is so nonchalant about it too 😒 But you're not. As soon as you land a bite you're grinning so hard and he's just like 😐 Ehehe... pretending to kiss his cheek and then nibbling on it and giving it a lil bite... I'm evaporating... i love the little love bites <3

THE PANTALONE ONE IS SOOO TRUEEE AWWW 😭🥺🥺🥺 I see him as very touchy so omggg him squishing your cheeks is so cute 😭 You would just be talking and saying something unintentionally adorable to him and all of a sudden he's cupping and then squishing your cheeks all while going on about how cute his darling is, and your words are now getting all garbled up 😔 it's A NEED. (Then he'll kiss your cheeks so gently if you get pouty cuz he pulled too hard :(( <3)

100% agreed on Bina she is. A MONSTER. when it comes to those hugs, you may faint if you don't build up some resistance to it. You can try to do it back to her but for some reason, she isn't really affected by it even if you muster up all your strength, but she still adores the notion! And Childe... RAHHH THESE ARE SO GOOD!! It's funny for him to be the least aggressive but his co-workers are something else I guess 😭 We love a king who's so affectionate but also won't kill you with it 🤭 I imagine if you return it he would be so flattered...especially if you're strong enough to actually keep him from leaving your hug. Now that's the good stuff.

�� anon 😳 you can bite me if you want, I don't mind 😌🫶

[watchmegetobsessed]

ALL IS FAIR

a/n: woohoo!! finally a harry fic! lol sorry i got very into marvel these past weeks but im finally bringing you some harry content! this one was originally requested by an anon sometime and then we kept talking about it until i actually got around to write it! hopefully you’ll like it and if you do, please like and reblog!

pairing: ceo!Harry x ceo!plussize!reader

warning: sexual content

word count: 16.7k

masterlist

“Stop being such a stuck up dick, it’s your birthday, bro!”

Harry rolls his eyes at his friend who walks into his penthouse as if he owned. Niall Horan was so well-known in Harry’s building that he could have easily walked into any homes in the tower and people would still welcome him warmly. It might have a few things to do with the fact that half of the residents in the Compass Tower are women who are hopelessly in love with either Niall or Harry, hoping for a chance to drag either of them into their bed one day. They have a lot more chance to do that with the Irish bloke than with Mr. Styles. Not that Harry doesn’t find them attractive, but he is not the type to have one night stands, something his friend gives him quite a lot of shit for.

“Would you fuck off for twenty more minutes?” Harry sighs, shooting him a look as he covers the speaker of his phone, in the middle of a call.

“You have ten minutes and we are leaving. I’m not letting you work on the night of your thirtieth birthday!” Niall warns him before walking into the kitchen to roam the always full, neatly stocked fridge.

As much as Niall Horan comes off as an irresponsible cocky child, he is quite the businessman himself as well. As the Lawyer of one third of New York’s most influential people, he surely doesn’t have to worry about making a living, enjoying his luxurious apartment a few streets away from Harry’s place on the Upper East Side. It’s not as expensive and impressive as Harry’s penthouse on the top of the tower his father built in the heart of the posh neighborhood most people only know from TV shows, but he couldn’t complain.

“Another designer refused to sign with us, H. We are running out of options,” Lambert’s voice rings through the phone as Harry turns to the floor to ceiling window, staring out to the city skyline in front of him.

“We have quite a few left, right?” Harry asks clenching his jaw.

“Yeah, but I heard that Cometa is planning on announcing something big next week so I think a lot of them are waiting for that to happen.”

“Do you think it’s another collab? But they just had fucking Chanel have a line sold through them!” Harry growls, his blood boiling at even just the thought.

When it comes to fashion in the virtual world, there are two businesses that totally dominate the industry. In the men’s wear, Twisted is definitely the number one selling place. The idea started off as just a freshman school project that originally wanted to sell tech stuff, but a few years into the project Harry met Lambert who was already a rising star in the fashion industry and they joined forces, creating the most classic yet affordable and user friendly online empire: Twisted. Though Twisted mostly features men’s clothing, they’ve been trying to venture to the field of women’s fashion, but it hasn’t been as easy as they thought it to be. And the reason for that is Cometa.

Cometa was originally a website where anyone could sell their own clothes, make their online wardrobe sale. But eventually the business grew itself out and stepped up a few levels, collaborating with various designers and brands, selling exclusive lines and a highly praised seasonal variety four times a year, earning a well-deserved top spot in the online fashion industry. It’s hard to compete with what Julia Bianchi built up through sweat and blood and Harry Styles has been working on stepping up to be a major competition for Cometa in women’s fashion, with not much luck so far.

To top the cake with a delicious looking cherry, Cometa has been trying to set feet into men’s fashion as well in the recent years, bringing out several lines with some mentionable designers, but they never made it be as big as Twisted. The two businesses have been trying to outdo each other for about a decade now, with not much luck so far and Harry’s patience is running low by now.

“I don’t know what it is, but keep an eye out. I’ll call you on Monday, alright?” Lambert sighs through the line.

“Okay, thank you,” Harry nods, feeling a little defeated.

“And happy birthday, man. Go and celebrate!” he chuckles, making Harry’s lips curl up as well.

“Thanks, have a good weekend,” Harry bids his goodbye before the call ends.

Wandering into the kitchen Harry finds Niall with the thickest ham and cheese sandwich between his hands, sitting at the kitchen island.

“So where exactly are we going tonight?” he asks, grabbing himself a granola bar as he joins the Irish lad on the stool next to him.

“Oh, that’s a surprise,” he grins, mouth full as he chews mercilessly. Harry grimaces, not sure how this is the same man who can convince a judge about basically anything, wearing his designer suits, putting on an intimidating and serious act for his cases.

“I have a switch,” Niall once told him when he asked how he does it. “I just turn it off when I’m off the clock.”

“You know I hate surprises,” Harry informs him matter-of-factly, but Niall doesn’t seem to be bothered by his comment.

“You’re thirty now, no one cares what you hate.”

“Says who?” Harry huffs.

“Me,” he grins, making Harry roll his eyes.

The bass is throbbing, red tinted lights illuminating the exclusive bar in the heart of Manhattan where Niall chose to gather some of Harry’s close friends to celebrate his thirtieth birthday. Sitting in the leather couches at a restricted area at the back of the place, they are hidden enough not to draw too much attention to themselves but still feel like they are part of the party.

“Cheers to three decades of this cocky motherfucker!” Niall beams as their glasses meet in the middle, everyone laughing and wishing Harry a happy birthday before they all chug their drinks.

Harry is not necessarily the type of person to enjoy going out too often, but he admits it’s been a while since the last time he let loose. It feels nice to have the evening to himself, leaving the business behind for just a couple of hours before he returns to his busy everydays.

Though the occasion is Harry’s birthday, Niall is surely enjoying the evening a tad bit more than his friend. After Harry sees him send down three tequilas in a row he realizes it’s not gonna end well if he doesn’t get some water into his system as well. Excusing himself from the group he heads to the bar, pushing his way through the dancing bodies until he finally reaches his destination.

Given how it’s a Friday evening, the place is packed and he waits in the line patiently while the bartender is fixing up the order of a group of girls a few stools down from Harry. Leaning onto the counter Harry runs his gaze over the dancing crowd, tapping his fingers against the surface to the beat, even bopping his head a little when he feels a push from behind him.

“Oh, sorry!” A female voice calls out and as he turns around he spots the owner of it, a young woman, her curvy body wrapped in a tight mini dress that leaves very little to Harry’s imagination as his eyes run up and down her figure. He has never seen a curvy girl as confident as her, she is radiating, drawing every male’s attention to herself like she is feeding off the hungry stares and dirty thoughts birthed by her.

Her eyes meet Harry’s gaze and the sly smirk that tugs on her perfectly shaped lips gives it away that she is not that sorry to be bumping into him.

“No worries,” is all he manages to say, the urge to drop to his knees right then and there stronger than anything he has ever had to fight.

“He won’t notice you,” she tells him and his eyebrows knit together in confusion. “The bartender. If you just stand there like that… he will never come here,” she explains.

“I’m not sure I have what catches his eyes,” he jokes, making her laugh and he swears his stomach drops at the heavenly sound.

“May I?” she arches an eyebrow and Harry nods, letting her step in front of him. He stands tall above her, eyes fixed on her figure as she leans onto the counter, the marble pushing her breasts up just enough to spark the bartender’s fantasies when he glances in her way. She waves at him with a charming smile and a moment later the guy is standing in front of her, ready to please her in any way she desires.

“Three vodka sodas and…” she turns in Harry’s way, her lips slightly parted and his breath hitches in his throat. “What did you want, handsome?”

“Just, uhh—Just two water, please.”

Her eyebrows rise, but she doesn’t comment on it, just adds the two water to her order. The bartender nods and disappears to fix up her drinks. Harry takes a deep breath and sticking his hand out to her he introduces himself.

“I’m Harry, by the way.” She takes his hand, shaking it firmly.

“Y/N. Nice to meet you, Harry. Are you here alone?”

“Um, no. I’m here with a few friends,” he replies nodding towards the back of the place. “Are you here with someone?”

Please don’t say your boyfriend, please!

“A few of my girlfriends,” she smiles, brushing her hair over her shoulder, flaunting a better look at her naked neck and just one glimpse is sending a whirl of dirty thoughts into Harry’s mind. He wonders how soft her skin would feel under his lips, what her moans would sound as he sucks on it, leaving a mark on her, letting every man in the house know that he made her feel good.

“Are you guys celebrating something?” Y/N asks, a knowing smile on her lips as she most definitely saw Harry staring at her.

“Actually, yeah,” he chuckles a little nervously. “It’s my birthday.” Y/N’s eyes brighten up as she beams at him.

“Really? Happy birthday then!”

“Thank you,” he smiles shyly. “Are you guys celebrating something too?”

“Well, I…” she starts, her thoughts wandering off for a second before she continues. “I kind of got promoted,” she explains and Harry smiles down at her warmly.

“Congrats then!”

The bartender returns with the drinks and she is already about to get her card from her little clutch when Harry pulls his card out, handing it over to the guy behind the bar.

“Birthday boys shouldn’t pay for others,” she smirks, but doesn’t try to fight him that hard.

“You can pay me back later,” Harry shrugs with a suggestive smirk on his lips. He doesn’t want to part ways with her, but she is obviously expected to be back with her friends and he needs to get back to Niall as well before he absolutely loses control. Stepping closer to him, Y/N slides a hand up his chest, her palm resting at the base of his neck as she leans to his ear.

“Save me a dance, birthday boy?” she murmurs into his ear, her lips brushing against him for a split second before she steps back, grabs her drinks and winking at him one last time she disappears from the bar. Harry stands there for a few more seconds before the bartender hands him back his card and snatching the waters from the bar he heads back to his friends.

 Luckily, Niall is slowing down a little, The water does him well and Harry finally doesn’t feel like he’ll have to take care of him, dragging him home once the night is over. Sitting by the table Harry is trying to focus on the conversation, but his gaze keeps wandering over to the dance floor, looking for one particular curvy figure in the sea of dancing bodies.

It takes him some time to spot her, but when he does, he is not able to tear his eyes away from her.

She is almost perfectly in the middle with her friends surrounding her, lips and shoulders swaying to the rhythm perfectly. He catches her chug down the last sips of her drink before she disregards the glass and gets back to dancing. Watching her every move intently, Harry feels his lips slightly part at the sight of this angel who is for sure a devil in the sheets. He can’t stop himself fantasizing about what it would feel like to dig his fingers into her thighs, kiss her neck, her cleavage that’s on show now, how her curves would fit into his hands perfectly. He wants to praise this woman, make her feel good and not just because he wants to be selfless and please her, but also because seeing this woman reach her high because of him would be the biggest ego boost for him and he just needs that.

“Go dance with her!” Niall wiggles his eyebrows at him when he catches Harry staring at her.

“What? No, I’m not a dancer,” he shakes his head, shifting his eyes away from the dancing goddess on the dance floor.

“Oh come on, don’t be a pussy!”

“I’m not a pussy, I just—“

“You’re a pussy. I saw her looking in your way as well, she wants your dick!”

“Jesus, Niall!” Harry whines rolling his eyes. He doesn’t like it when he gets so vulgar, but luckily no one heard their conversation. Glancing back in Y/N’s way Harry sees how men are eyeing him, probably building up the courage to go up to her and that has his blood boiling. He needs to be the one to touch her.

Chugging down the rest of his drink he snaps the glass on the table before standing from his seat, ignoring Niall’s cheering as he makes his way into the crowd.

Harry didn’t lie when he said he is not a dancer, he feels uncomfortable, awkward and uncoordinated most of the times he tries to dance, but he is pushing all of those to the back of his mind for now as his eyes are set on one person in the crowd.

When Y/N spots the man approaching her, she can’t push a pleased smile off her lips, slowing her movements down as Harry finally reaches her, leaning closer to her ear so she can hear his voice over the music.

“Here to collect that dance,” he smugly tells her, making her laugh, though the music is too loud to let him hear her. She just nods and turning around she presses herself up against him, her backside fitting his front perfectly. Harry’s hand snake around her waist, his large palm smoothly moving through the silky fabric of her dress as they start moving together.

She is intoxicating, makes Harry feel like he is some kind of horny teenager, like he hasn’t dealt with women before, but in a way, she makes all of his past flings appear to be only girls. Her confidence in her own body is easily one of her best traits, the way she handles herself, moves her body, the look in her eyes, Harry is getting drunk on just watching her and now he is able to touch her as well.

When he feels himself getting hard in his pants, he knows he should be at least a slightly bit embarrassed by himself, but as Y/N turns around in his arms and he sees the pleased smirk on her lips, the feeling vanishes in a heartbeat. She wraps her arms around his neck as she pulls him close, her lips brushing against his lips.

“Enjoying yourself, birthday boy?” she prompts before pressing a kiss to the soft skin under his ear and he can’t hold a growl back. The friction is almost unbearable, as his hands slide lower on her back, stopping on her ass, he knows he won’t be able to control himself any longer. Luckily, he is not the only one having this inner fight.

Snapping around Y/N grabs his hand and starts pulling him through the crowd towards the hallway of the bathrooms. He follows her eagerly, lucky for them, the club doesn’t have restrooms with several stalls, but single bathrooms with a lot more comfort and privacy. Just what they need right now.

They find the third bathroom empty, pushing their way inside and locking the door before Harry pushes her up against it the moment it’s just the two of them, their mouths hungrily meeting in the middle. He almost grunts against her lips, she tastes even better than he imagined and the way her tongue is the first one to come into action has got his mind blown. His hands roam up her body, running up all her curves until they reach her face and he cups it in his palms, pressing his hips against her. She moans against his mouth when his hard cock pokes against her, both of them desperate to take it further.

Tumbling further into the small bathroom, he helps her up to the counter next to the sing, her legs instantly opening for him, her tiny dress rolling up her thighs, revealing her clothed sex. Harry eagerly kisses his way down her neck and chest, her skin feeling so smooth under his lips. His fingers hook under the thin straps of her dress, tugging them down so he can push the dress past her full breasts and thank God she is not wearing a bra underneath!

“Fuck me, you are so hot!” he breathes out, making her chuckle at his reaction.

“That’s what I’m trying to do,” she cockily answers before Harry’s mouth attaches to her nipple, his hand working on her other breasts before he switches.

He quickly gets down on his knees, pushing her underwear to the side before his lips and tongue meet her sensitive clit.

“Oh shit!” she moans, a hand coming to tangle in his hair while she tries to hold herself steady with leaning on the other one behind her. There’s no time for teasing now and they both know that.

She is so lost in the experience, Harry is licking and sucking just the right spots and she tries to close her legs, locking his head between her thighs. His arms come to curl around them, ring clad fingers digging into her flesh and the situation might be a little suffocating for him, but he doesn’t mind it a bit. In fact, if he died this way, he would die a happy man.

She doesn’t let him finish what he started, pulling him up, his lips still glistening from her own juices as she kisses him messily, wiggling herself out of her underwear while he undoes his pants as well.

“Shit, do you have a condom?” he breathes out when his palm wraps around his throbbing cock. She nods, reaching for her clutch she dropped to the counter and digging into it she grabs the package, smacking it against his chest playfully. “Were you planning to do this tonight?” he grins cockily as he rips the package open and starts rolling it down his hard length.

“No, I’m just smart, unlike you,” she retorts, her sass dripping from her tone and it just riles him up even more.

Grabbing her thighs he yanks her to the edge of the counter, a gasp leaving her plump lips as she tries to find her balance quickly.

“Don’t be a brat,” he growl against her lips before kissing her, while he lines himself up with her, the head already pushing in.

“Then fuck me, birthday boy,” she challenges him again and it’s the last straw.

Harry slams into her, both of them moaning at the sensation before he starts thrusting in a fast pace, needing all the friction he can make to get them to finish as soon as possible. Y/N’s head falls back as she holds onto the back of his neck, her other hand on the counter behind her again and Harry glances down, watching her breasts bounce every time he rails into her, slamming his whole length into her every time their hips meet.

She reaches for one of his hands that’s holding her thigh and she boldly brings it to her core, tapping his fingers to her clit, letting him know that she wants some extra effort. Harry doesn’t say it, but he is blown how she didn’t just do it herself, she made him do it. It’s got to be one of the hottest things he has ever seen.

“Fuck, go harder!” she gasps, wrapping her legs around his waist as he picks the pace up, feeling his orgasm building rapidly with each thrust.

They both are a whimpering, moaning mess, the bass of the music is thumping outside and for a moment, Harry feels like he is finally living his life to the fullest.

“I’m gonna cum!” she breathes out, his name falling from her lips moaning after that and when she pulls him down to kiss him, biting into his bottom lip and tugging it, he loses himself.

He feels himself jerking inside her, still sliding in and out of her as he grunts, releasing himself into the condom. He flicks his fingers on her clit at the same time, creating just enough friction to push her over the edge as well. He is coming off his own high when her walls tighten around his cock, dragging his orgasm out even longer as she basically screams, gasping for air, riding her orgasm out to the last bit.

Leaning down he kisses her again though they are still panting, this time making it a lot less rushed than the time their lips met for the first time. Her legs fall from around his waist and he pulls out, both of them cleaning themselves up in the aftermath of their little session.

“I know this was quite rushed and all that, but can I have your number?” he asks, even feeling a little nervous. She puts her underwear back on, smoothing her dress down as she smiles up at him, cupping his face in her palm.

“I’m afraid we’ll have to skip on that,” she tells him simply, shocking him for sure.

“D-Do you have a boyfriend or something?”

“No,” she shakes her head and now Harry is confused.

“You didn’t enjoy it?” he then asks, trying his best to figure out the reason behind the rejection.

“I did. But it was a one time thing. If it’s supposed to turn into more…” she sighs, grabbing her clutch from the counter. “Then I’ll leave it to fate if we ever meet again,” she shrugs before turning around she just unlocks the door and walks out, leaving Harry stand there in complete and utter shock.

This is definitely a first for him, a woman who doesn’t want to see him again. He is not that egoistic to think that everyone is in love with him, but he never had an encounter similar to this. Not after the most amazing sex ever.

Harry fixes himself up, still not believing she walked out that easily, but there’s not much he can do now. Walking back to his table, he acts like nothing happened and when his eyes scan over the crowd again, he can’t see her anymore.

Harry lets out a tired sigh when Zayn, head of the graphic design department walks into his office with a familiar brown paper bag with the logo of Harry’s favorite Chinese restaurant.

“Has it started already?” Zayn asks, though glancing at the big screen on the wall he can see the stream is still waiting to be started.

“No, I’ve been staring at it for like twenty minutes,” Harry grumbles, pushing himself away from his desk to join Zayn on the couch in front of the screen as he unpacks the food. “What do you think it’s going to be?”

Today is the day of Cometa’s big press conference and no one knows what they are about to announce. It’s been keeping Harry on the edge for the past few days, because whatever it is, it has got to be major. Julia Bianchi is not the type of person to hold press conferences, she is a private person who has managed to keep most of her life behind closed doors. That’s something Harry admires in the woman even though they are competitors in the business. He can relate to wanting to keep her life just for herself, he has been doing the same thing. No public appearances, no lengthy interviews, no photoshoots. He likes to let his work talk for himself and it’s proved to be a successful move so far.

“I don’t know, but I hope they don’t suddenly announce a full graphic makeover right before our update,” Zayn chuckles. He has been working on an entirely new appearance for the website these past weeks and it’s supposed to go live sometime later in the month. A change for Cometa would totally throw their attempt off, making them look like they are just copying Julia’s move.

They eat and wait for the stream to start when the screen finally comes alive. There’s an empty stage shown with just two mic stands in the middle and nothing really happens for a few minutes before clapping is heard from behind the camera and Julia finally walks on the stage.

The woman is a real diva. Wearing a matching pant suit with bold floral print all over it, her short hair is neatly straightened into a bob cut, her red lips smiling lightly as she waves around in the room. Julia has been in the fashion industry for almost three decades now and she surely made a name for herself, sitting front row in every fashion show she attends, her words on any new trend being basically the standard.

Stepping to one of the mics, she clears her throat as the clapping dies down and her calm, gentle voice rings through the speakers.

“Welcome, everyone, thank you for coming, as you might already know I’m Julia Bianchi, head of Cometa, the world’s best online women’s fashion house.”

Harry leans back in his seat, eyes fixed on the woman on the screen as he is patiently waiting to hear what she’s got for the people this time.

“I’ve spent twenty-seven wonderful years in the business, building my own one for the past two decades. I fell in love with fashion as a child and moved to Milan to study designing from the bests. Though designing has always and will always hold a special place in my heart, I saw an opportunity in the early years for a brand that would hold together every other brand in the industry, bringing it to everyone’s home thanks to the rapidly developing technology. Cometa has always been my little baby and I’m proud of everything I achieved as head of such a great company.”

Harry realizes what it’s about before Julia could even say the words herself. The phrasing, the nostalgic tone, it’s all adding up to the obvious: Julia is about to announce her retirement.

“I gave the best years of my life for this company and I regret nothing, but recently I’ve realized that it is time for me to slow down for a little bit and enjoy a life that’s not filled with work anymore, and spend more time with my beloved husband, Fabio and my family who supported me on my long way here. Therefore, I am now announcing it with an aching heart and a lot of excitement as well that I am stepping down from my role as CEO of Cometa. I might be leaving now, but my business will not. So it is a pleasure to introduce you the person who will carry my legacy on, my amazing niece, the absolutely most perfect woman to carry on the work I started, Y/N Y/L/N.”

The moment another woman comes into the picture Harry almost chokes on his own saliva, seeing the same curves he had his fingers dug into last Friday. Y/N smiles and waves around as she steps to the other mic next to her aunt, exchanging a short look with her before turning towards the people in the room and the camera that’s streaming the event.

“Dude, you alright?” Zayn asks, patting Harry’s back a few times as he is still struggling to breathe normally.

He refuses to accept that the woman he fucked in a bathroom on his birthday, the one that made him moan like never before, is the same woman who is going to take over his biggest competitor.

“This has got to be a joke,” he breathes out with teary eyes from all the coughing.

“It is an honor to be here,” Y/N starts speaking as the clapping dies down once again and the two men are staring at the screen. “Just like to be the one to step into the perfectly stylish shoes of my aunt. I hope to live up to not just her and everyone else’s expectations, but also to mine as well. I grew up watching my aunt build up this empire with basically dust so to be the person to take her place is a dream come true. I promise to keep the quality the same and work on improving Cometa to its possible best while being in charge.”

As she finishes talking, questions are thrown in her way, but Harry doesn’t pay attention any longer. Standing up he walks to the window, staring out to the city as he chews on his bottom lip anxiously.

“What the fuck is your problem, H? It wasn’t as bad as we expected, right?” Zayn questions.

“It’s fucking worse!” he snaps turning around. “I can’t believe this is happening to me.”

“Would you just tell me what’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong is that… I told you about what… happened on my birthday.”

“The bathroom fuck, oh yeah,” Zayn chuckles with a playful shine in his eyes.

“Well, that woman… the woman I fucked was her.” Zayn stays silent for a moment before he turns towards the screen, eyeing the woman on the stage as she is still answering questions, standing confidently in her tight, black dress and red heels.

“You fucked Julia Bianchi’s niece? And she is now taking over Cometa?” he raises his eyebrows at Harry who just nods, pressing his lips together into a thin line. “And she is also the one who didn’t give you her number?”

“Don’t… bring that up. But yes, it’s her.”

Zayn starts laughing, clearly finding Harry’s misery entertaining, but Harry doesn’t feel like taking it that easy. He wonders if she knew who he was, if she did it on purpose or it was fate’s horrible joke on both of them.

“Ah man, that charity event on Saturday will be one hell of a show then!” Zayn points it out and Harry’s face falls. He totally forgot about the charity event he was invited to, one that would have the biggest names in the fashion industry together in a ball room to raise money for a chosen good cause. It happens every year and it’s a major event, the perfect place to network and also to see your biggest enemies. That means that Harry will see Y/N again in a few short days and if he is being honest… he is not ready to face her, not after the information he learned today. Sighing he steps to the minibar he insisted on having in his office and though he never drinks during the day, he now thinks that now might be an exception. He pours himself some whiskey and before he chugs it down at one go, he lets out a long, tired sigh.

“That’s just my luck…”

Leslie helps you with the zipper of your dress, the silky, red fabric hugging your body like a second skin. She smoothes the wrinkles out while you fix the straps, staring back at yourself in the mirror with judgment. You need to look perfect, this is going to be your first time appearing at an event as CEO of Cometa, your big entrance into the industry, you can’t let anything go wrong.

“You look gorgeous, babe,” Leslie smiles at you, bringing your hair behind your shoulders as her eyes meet yours in the mirror. Leslie might be your assistant, but she is a lot more than that. You’ve been friends for almost a decade and when she lost her job a few years ago you didn’t hesitate to offer her a spot next to you. You wouldn’t be here without her, she doesn’t try to use her privilege of being your friend to not do the work, she is always on top of her game and you’ll always be grateful for her to not make it awkward at all.

“I think you need some diamonds though,” she winks at you, stepping to the table where all kinds of jewelry is sprawled out. She reaches for a simple one, not too much, quite elegant and you nod as she holds it up for you. Walking behind you she brings it around your neck, the diamond brilliantly sitting on your chest now, giving that little extra shine to your outfit.

“You’ll make every man fall in love with you,” she smiles at you and breathing out you nod, hoping to believe that everything will go perfectly.

While you make a few last minute calls she gets dressed as well before the car arrives for the two of you. She is wearing a less daring but still beautiful black dress, her curly hair pinned up into a loose bun at the nape of her neck, her heavily freckled face bright from her happy smile as the two of you make your way to the event.

“I know it’s ridiculous, but I tried to memorize the faces and names from the guest list,” she grins at you, earning an eyeroll.

“Les, I told you, this is not The Devil Wears Prada,” you chuckle softly. She is obsessed with that movie and hasn’t shut up about feeling like she is literally living in it since your aunt has shared her plans with you about your future position last year.

“I know, but it might be impressive if you already knew everyone!”

You have to give that to her, it would earn you a few good points if you knew the names already, you’re just still nervous about the whole thing. So many things could go wrong and you want it to be perfect.

 At first you feel intimidated by all the influential people around you. Everyone here is one of the bests in their own field and you feel like an impostor, but then you remind yourself that you earned your spot. Your aunt wouldn’t have given you the company if she didn’t trust you entirely with it. You worth no less than anyone else in this ball room and that reminds you that… you’re that bitch.

Leslie’s knowledge of names actually comes handy. You love seeing people get shocked when they try to introduce themselves to you, but you already greet them saying their names. It earns you some appreciative looks as you make your way around the room. Everything is going smooth, right until you spot one particular man in the crowd.

You’re in a little circle with a few designers when your gaze falls on Harry who is standing across the room, talking to two men. The champagne almost slips from your hand when you realize it’s him.

“Leslie,” you grab her wrist catching her attention. “Les, who’s the man in the blue Gucci suit?” you ask in a whisper and she follows your gaze, finding the man in talk.

“Oh, that’s Harry Styles, head of Twisted.”

“Fuck,” you mumble under your breath as you quickly excuse yourself from the conversation and head out to the balcony to get some fresh air before you faint right on the spot.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Leslie follows you.

“I messed up,” you squeak as you step outside, the chilly evening air hitting your uncovered skin immediately. “I messed up big time!”

“What? Why? What happened?”

Stepping to the edge, you wrap your hands around the railing, staring out into the void for a moment. Leslie Stands beside you, quite puzzled about your sudden panic.

“Remember the guy I told you about from Friday night?” you ask, keeping your voice down even though there’s no one really around. Leslie nods. “Well… he was the guy.”

Leslie glances back inside and then at you before her eyes widen and lips part in shock.

“You fucked Harry Styles at a club’s bathroom?!” she whisper-yells at you and you feel like a teenager who is getting scolded.

“I didn’t know who he was! And I genuinely think he didn’t know me either, how could he?! But now he is here and… Oh God, this is so bad,” you whine, your head dropping backwards as you let out a frustrated growl.

“Okay, don’t panic. Maybe… maybe he doesn’t remember you.”

“You can’t make me believe he doesn’t remember me after fucking me on a counter,” you tell her giving her a look.

“Alright, alright. Then… you just have to suck it up. It’s not like you can unfuck him,” she shrugs and though you know she is right, you just wish you could leave right now.

You never planned on seeing him again. Your bullshit speech about letting fate decide it was just an excuse to not give him your number. You didn’t want to because you thought he is not the kind of man that would be good for you. From his look you thought that he was either a fuckboy, not willing to commit to anything serious, or the kind of man that seems all nice and respectful at first but then turns out to be a total asshole and you’ve had enough of those in your twenty-eight years.

Soon enough you head back as the auction is about to start. Luckily, your seat is far away from Harry and it seems like he hasn’t noticed you yet. Though you wish to keep it that way, you can feel it coming already.

The auction goes by fast, you buy a new painting that will look amazing in your living room and almost twice as much money is raised through the evening that was the goal. You leave Leslie behind at the table as you go to the bar to get yourself another drink, probably your last one of the evening if you don’t want to end up making a fool out of yourself.

Patiently waiting at the bar you’re already thinking about watching Grey’s Anatomy when you get back and out of this tight dress. You look hot, but it’s not the comfiest look, if you’re being honest. There’s only one more person in front of you when you feel a little tap on your shoulder and turning around your stomach drops when you see the man you’ve been trying to avoid all evening.

“Fancy seeing you here, Y/N,” he nods shortly, his expression is quite blank, but he is definitely not shocked to see you. You tighten your jaw before looking away from him, squinting your eyes a bit.

“You don’t seem surprised,” you point out.

“I was kind of expecting to see you here tonight.”

“So you knew who I was all along?” you snap at him, but he shakes his head.

“Not until the stream this week. I was pretty shocked when you walked on stage.”

Nodding shortly you brush your hair over your shoulder and you catch Harry glimpsing down your body, but decide not to comment on it.

“Did you know who I was?” he then asks, digging his hands into his pockets.

“No, I wouldn’t sleep with my biggest competitor willingly.”

“Just from the abrupt ending I had a feeling that you might have known me.”

“Just because a woman doesn’t throws herself into your arms after a fuck, doesn’t mean she had ulterior motives,” you scoff. “Get off your high horse,” you add before turning back towards the bar so you can order your drink. Unfortunately, Harry doesn’t want the conversation to end just yet. His hand is laid flat on the counter in front of you as he stands on your right, a little too close to your liking. You can smell the expensive cologne on him, the same that hit your nose on Friday as well and suddenly your body is betraying you.

However crazy the situation is, you can’t deny that he gave you one of the best times last Friday. Men you dealt with were more concerned about their own pleasure and most of them didn’t even get you to finish. But Harry made it happen so fast and didn’t even bitch about it when you made him rub your clit. He just obeyed like a grownup man who is willingly take care of his partner. That almost made you change your mind about leaving, but once you came down from cloud nine, you returned to your original plan.

But not as he is standing in front of you and you can smell him, your senses trick you into thinking that you’re in that bathroom again, almost aching for him to touch you the way he did then. He leans closer to your ear as he speaks up again.

“Leave the drink, dance with me,” he tells you as the bartender places your drink in front of you. You debate what to do before grabbing the drink and chugging it down in one go. You’ll need the alcohol if you are about to dance with your enemy.

Harry takes you to the dance floor in the middle of the ball room, one of his hands finds the small of your back while the other takes your hand as the two of you start swaying to the gentle music played by the band.

“Your aunt set my company back in women’s fashion every time I tried to take a step forward. Are you going to do the same?”

“She didn’t do anything to set you back but to build her own company. Not everything is about you.”

“You sound a little naïve, Love. It’s pretty clear you are new in the business.” This statement riles you up big time. How dare he degrade you like that? He knows nothing about you, yet he assumes things that are not at all real.

Smirking to yourself you lean back enough so your gazes can meet. Your hand slides up from his shoulders to the base of his neck so your fingers can gently brush against his skin and you notice the shudder than runs down his spine. He is not the only one having flashbacks from your last encounter.

“Wanna know what I know about business?” you purr, his eyes glued to your red lips as you speak. “I know that… Twisted was one of the last sites to participate in personalized ads on online platforms, failing to reach it’s targeted audience as fast as literally everyone else. I know that your company and my company use the same security system in our server rooms yet I can assure you that it cost me twenty percent less because we waited a month before installing it and got a huge last minute discount because the security company was trying to boost their numbers for their end of year closing. And I also happen to know that you are working on a new design for your website that could easily be outshone if I just did the same before you could do it.”

Harry’s lips part, probably mostly at the last information. He has no idea how you know these stuff, but you have a wide circle of connections in the city, you have an insider at every big companies in the industry without them even knowing. You’ve given countless tips to your aunt through the years, that’s how she managed to stay on top of her games.

Leaning closer your lips almost brush against him and you see how he weakens, he is expecting you to kiss him and he wants it. But you just smile at him, your eyes snapping down to his lips before up to his eyes.

“I will not do the same as my aunt, Harry,” you softly speak, your fingers grazing the back of his neck. “I will do way worse things.”

And with that, you slip out of his arms and walk back to your table, leaving him standing there alone at a complete loss of words.

“What the fuck had gotten into you?” Niall grimaces upon hearing everything he told you on the evening of the charity event. And quite frankly, Harry has no answer to that. He has absolutely no idea what had gotten into him to act like such a dick when you didn’t do anything against him.

The situation just messed with his head, seeing you in that breathtaking dress, mingling with everyone, smiling and laughing, oh how he wished you were laughing on his jokes! But then you seemed so tensed when he came up to you and something just switched in him. He wanted to take dominance, to somehow get out of it on top, but he miserably failed. When you brought up their plans to change the design he completely froze.

“No idea, okay? I just…lost it,” he growls, sinking into the couch. When Niall found out that Harry met the woman from the club again he insisted on coming over with some wine to talk it out, but he was not expecting this kind of story at all.

“Dude, you just put yourself on her radar big time, maybe she wouldn’t have even bothered to compete with you like her aunt did, but you surely changed her mind now.”

“I know, Niall!” Harry growls, not in the mood to be scolded like a little child. “Do you think she’ll change their design before we do?” he peeks at his friend, but Niall just shrugs.

“No idea, but I would try to speed it up before she actually does it.”

 Harry made you into a ticking bomb and you successfully got under his skin about the whole design project so first thing the next morning he went to Zayn to discuss a possible earlier debut for the new designs. Though it would be a close stretch, they agreed that it would go live by the end of the week and that got Harry somehow a little relieved, but in the middle of that he failed to put the right amount of effort into finding designers for their female lines.

When he meets up with Lambert a few days later he is not there to deliver great news. Apparently, three out of the four designers they were negotiating with recently pulled out of their deal and signed a contract with Cometa.

“We have one last designer on the list, but then… we are out of the bigger names,” Lambert sighs as Harry chews on his bottom lip anxiously. He feels like he has fallen into a hole a while ago and instead of climbing out he is just digging it deeper underneath him.

“Okay, do we have an appointment with them?” Harry asks.

“Yeah, I’m meeting her this afternoon.”

“I’m going with you,” he nods before standing from his chair and opening the door he calls out for his assistant. “Rebecca, please clear my schedule for this afternoon, I’ll be out of the office.”

Rebecca nods behind her desk, already starting to make calls about Harry’s meetings and appointments.

It’s obvious he is anxious about the meeting, because if it falls through they are forced to look for less known designers and that won’t bring the change for the company they’ve been seeking for a long time. Arriving to the showroom where the designer is working, Harry is setting his thoughts straight, determined to convince her to sign a contract with them. The two men are let into the building by the nice assistant working at the front desk and she shows the way to the showroom where Kennedy, the designer is waiting for them.

Harry is confident, he trusts his skills to make this happen, but when they walk inside he instantly freezes upon seeing an all too familiar figure standing with Kennedy

A maroon colored pantsuit is hugging your curves, a Hermés handbag hanging from your arm, your hair falling in loose curls. As if you could sense his presence, you peek over your shoulder, a devilish smirk on your lips when you see the shocked expression on Harry’s face.

“What a great surprise!” you beam, selling how happy you are to see him and in a way, you are. You wanted to see his face drop when he realizes you snatched yet another designer from him.

“Oh, Mr. Styles!” Kennedy smiles nicely at him and he finally snaps out of his trance, shaking hands with her and then turning to you, doing the same but in a lot colder manner.

“Y/N, nice to see you again,” he fakes a smile as your hand falls from his palm.

“I could say the same. But I’m heading out now. Great talk, Kennedy. I’ll be waiting for your call,” you wink at the young designer who seems to be thrilled by your words as she walks you to the exit.

“Fucking hell,” Harry mumbles under his breath and Lambert shoots him a look before Kennedy returns.

The three of them take a seat on the couches in the corner of the room and Harry is quick to get down to business, trying his best to make his offer appear more appealing than anything you told her right before their arrival. Kennedy listens intently, even takes notes and then she shows him some examples of what she was thinking about for her next line and Harry is beyond thrilled.

Unfortunately, soon comes the painful part.

“Harry, I’m gonna be honest with you,” Kennedy starts and Harry already knows what she is about to say. “Your offer is very tempting and it would be an honor to design a line for Twisted, but in my situation it would be more beneficial if I collaborated with Cometa. It is nothing against your company, it’s more about my personal path and growth.”

Harry can feel his stomach dropping and he clenches his jaw as he listens to Kennedy’s worth. He understands, of course he understands, she has the right to selfishly look at her own benefits upon signing with a new company, but he wished she would take the risk and chose his company instead of yours.

“I’m keeping the offer open for you still,” he forces a smile on his face. “If you change your mind, Twisted would be more than happy to work with you.”

Kennedy walks the two men out and the fake smile quickly vanishes from Harry’s face upon stepping out of the building.

“What are we going to do now?” Lambert asks, clearly worried about how they’re gonna move forward with their last chance falling.

“If Y/N wants a war, that’s what she’ll get,” Harry growls, revenge burning in the greens of his eyes.

It’s a quiet Friday afternoon, only hours left from the day before you are headed home finally. You’re sitting in your office with Leslie, going over next week’s schedule to make sure everything is set and clear.

It’s been almost an entire month since you stepped into your aunt’s shoes as head of the company and though the start was a little rough, especially with finding out who Harry was, but you feel like you have everything under your control by now. After all, you didn’t learn business for years from the bests for nothing, right?

Harry’s comment on you knowing nothing about the industry made you bitter, because he knows nothing about you and the struggle you went through your life to get to this point. It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbow, being Julia’s niece might have been a hugely influencing aspect of you taking over, but you worked your ass off to be the best leader you can and not just ruin everything she built up through her whole life.

Though you didn’t always want to be the one following her, but you like to think that things worked out to your favor and you are where you should be.

“Alright, everything is looking fine,” Leslie smiles at you over her laptop. “I’ll send you the notes from today’s meeting.”

“Thank you. Can you call in with the delivery company about next month’s transactions?” you ask her and she nods, already adding it to her list of tasks for the rest of the day. “Alright. I’ll do the rest of the signings and then we can head out,” you smile at her.

Leslie is grabbing her things from the table when there’s a soft knock on the door. You give your permission and one of the tech support guys walk in with a worried look on his face.

“Miss Y/L/N? I’m afraid we have a problem,” he clears his throat and you can already feel your anxiety crawl up on your spine.

“What is it?” you ask firmly. The guy steps farther inside, fumbling with his fingers as he presents the issue.

“There’s been an attempt to break our software’s security system where we keep our data about the sellings. A-And I’m afraid it wasn’t just an attempt, they succeeded.”

You take a deep breath, glancing over at Leslie for a moment before you follow the man to the tech department to investigate the issue further. You don’t know shit about these stuff, but from what he said you know the trouble is huge and if you don’t solve it as soon as possible, valuable data could leak out to the public. They try to explain you what they are working on as of right now and that there’s not much you can actually help with.

“Make sure to put your extra hours on your attendance sheets and let me know when you are able to restore the system,” you tell them and you earn quite a few thank yous on your way out for actually paying the overtime. Then you turn to the guy that first came to your office. “Do you have any information about who it could have been?”

“We weren’t able to track them back, but whoever it was, they’re surely professionals and they might know the system from the inside.”

“What do you mean from the inside? Someone did it from the company?” you ask, eyebrows knitting together as you fold your arms on your chest.

“No,” he shakes his head. “We would have been able to track that back. I mean that they know the system, maybe they worked somewhere where the same one was used and they could see into it.”

It takes you a few moments before you realize what this really is and it has your blood boiling right away. Nodding shortly you exhale sharply through your nose.

“Thank you, please call me when it’s up and running again, I’ll take care of the rest,” you tell him before turning around you walk away.

When Leslie sees you approaching your office with a head practically turning red she is quick to jump to her feet, following you into the office.

“What’s happening?”

“Harry Styles, that’s what happening,” you snap as you grab your phone, purse and coat before heading out, not wasting another minute.

“What? Where are you going now?”

“To the devil himself,” you growl back and enter the elevator, leaving her alone with her questions.

Sitting in your car on your way to the headquarters of Twisted, you imagine every scenario you want to make happen when you arrive, most of them including hitting the man across his ridiculously handsome yet annoying face. He crossed a line with breaking into your system and stealing valuable data. Though you’re sure he wouldn’t dare to sell or publish it, because he would be in a big legal trouble if he did, he still had a glimpse into your numbers and that’s already an advantage. He is playing dirty and you’re not having any of it.

Arriving you burst through the doors and demand to see him. Though the woman behind the front desk tells you that you can’t see him without an appointment, you still get her to make a call up and naturally, Harry allows you to see him. The fucker might already have been waiting for you to show up. As you stand in the all glass elevator, on your way up to meet him you take a few deep breaths to keep your cool and not snap like a maniac, however it all vanishes when you see him waiting for you with that shit-eating grin on his face when you step out of the elevator.

“You’re lucky I didn’t go straight to the police with your little stunt, you fucker!” you snap, not able to hold back your swearing any longer.

“Do you have any evidence?” he tilts his head to the side and you don’t miss how his gaze runs down your body as you march towards him. You’d find it flattering in another situation, but right now you just want to punch him in the face.

“I’ll show some evidence down your throat, Styles, if you don’t stop messing with my security system,” you growl back, standing so close to him now that you see every tiny freckle and blemish on his face and the way how he clenches his jaw, holding his gaze on yours.

Without a word or invitation, you walk into the room that you suppose is his office and he follows with a soft chuckle.

“Did you hire a hacker just to mess with me?” you throw the question at him as he closes the door so his employees don’t hear everything.

“What if I did?” he shrugs, stepping to the tray on his desk that already has a glass of whiskey on it. He grabs the glass and simply lifts it to his lips, taking a tiny sip from it. “Oh, excuse my manners. Would you like a drink?”

“I’m driving,” you answer shortly. “You crossed a line, Harry,” you warn him.

“What line?” he chuckles, rather entertained by your rage. “After what you pulled with Kennedy, I think I went easy on you.”

“I didn’t pull anything, I just gave her a better offer! It’s not my fault she has better chances with my company!” you snap back, feeling your heartbeat fastening from the anger that’s boiling in your veins.

“You knew I wanted her to design for me, why couldn’t you just let one person out of your endless list? You already have everyone else, she was my last fucking chance!” Harry barks back, clearly having some built up tension in him as well.

“If you didn’t act like an arrogant asshole at the charity gala, I would have happily let you work with her, but then you felt the need to fucking degrade me! That’s why I didn’t let you get away with it!”

Harry opens his mouth to answer, but he quickly closes his mouth, probably knowing well you’re right. He did act shitty towards you that evening and he has no excuse for his behavior. You walk closer until there are just a few feet between the two of you, your eyes glued to his burning green gaze that’s staring back at you, but before you could speak up, he cuts you off.

“Well, you know. All is fair in… war and business,” he shrugs and you honestly barely can stop yourself from laughing at how stupid that just sounded. You can’t miss the twitch in the corner of his mouth as well and you can’t believe how easily he made you break out of your rage.

“Don’t try to make money out of writing slogans,” you huff shaking your head and now he is grinning widely. “Do you have the data?”

“I don’t,” he answers and you narrow your eyes at him.

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not,” he chuckles. “I had it, but I already deleted it. I know it wasn’t ethical so as soon as it was handed to me I deleted it. I didn’t even look into it. I just wanted to scare you.”

“And how do I know your hacker doesn’t have it either?”

“Because he signed a contract that would cost him millions to break and I don’t think a junior in college who is still living in a dorm can afford that,” he points out and now you are somewhat convinced. You stare back at him for a few more seconds before nodding.

“Stay out of my way and I’ll stay out of yours, how does that sound?” you offer generously.

“Where’s the fun in that?” he questions with a smug smirk that makes your arch an eyebrow at him. “What are you doing tomorrow evening?” he then asks and you can’t mask your surprise in front of him.

“That does not concern you, Styles,” you scoff, though it boosts your ego that even through all the hate you’ve been targeting at each other, he still wants you the same way he did at the club that evening. You can’t deny, this rivalry has sparked a few thoughts in you as well, but you are not going to fall into the same mistake you made that evening. You pay him another smirk before turning around and heading towards the door. “Stay out of my way, Styles!” you call back without looking at him, but you just know he is grinning at you, a growing sexual tension thickening the atmosphere in the room.

“Or what?” he smugly questions and you stop at the door, glancing back at him over your shoulder.

“Or… You said it yourself. All is fair in war and business,” you smirk before walking out of the office.

Following your visit to Harry’s office things take a… playful turn in your rivalry. The attempts and competing don’t stop, both of you are on each other’s radar, ruining and messing with each other’s projects and works whenever and wherever it’s possible, but it’s not as hateful as it was at the beginning. If something, it even helps you to always be on your toes and watch out for possible threats, not just from Harry but from everyone else.

Neither of you succeeds in evolving in each other’s field, Cometa keeps thriving in women’s fashion with a quite small variety offered for the gentlemen while Twisted fails to grow out of men’s fashion and venture to the ladies, but somehow it’s not as frustrating as it used to be before.

Harry keeps up his flirty acts and tries to ask you out every time your paths cross each other, but you relentlessly turn him down every time, only fueling him to keep chasing after you more the next time. It’s a thrilling and flattering little game, knowing that even with all the rivalry between the two of you, being the biggest competitors in the business… he still wants you.

New York fashion week rolls around and it’s by far one of your favorite times in the year. You managed to snatch an exclusive deal with YSL to release a special line just for the fashion week and it sold out in the first two hours, now waiting to be restocked in a few days. Cometa is thriving and your aunt has expressed her pride towards the work you’ve been doing at the company, so things are heading the right direction.

You knew Harry would be attending the same shows as you, but it’s fate or just luck that you are seated next to each other at one of the shows, giving you the chance to talk without any of you attempting to corrupt the other this time.

Harry is already sitting in his seat when you arrive wearing a custom made Gucci dress, something that immediately catches his eyes since he is a huge fan of the brand himself.

“Your fashion sense never disappoints, Y/N,” he beams up at you as you take the seat next to him.

“Hope that’s not surprising, Styles,” You smirk at him, taking a glance at his own Gucci outfit, the checkered pants fitting him perfectly while the pussy bow adds some spice to the whole outfit, you have to admit. He looks good, he always does.

“Any plans after the show?” he asks right before the lights go out and the show starts. You leave him without an answer, just let out a soft chuckle as you glue your eyes to the first model who walks the runway.

Once the show is over you head out with Harry by your side, having an actually entertaining discussion about the designs you just saw. He might not be an expert in fashion, but he has developed a good sense through his years.

As you make your way out of the venue you are stopped by an interviewer and Harry remains on your side as the woman asks you a few questions about the show.

“I’ve always wondered, does it bother you that you couldn’t be on the runway yourself? You’ve been sitting front row the past years, but you once had aspirations of being a model yourself, is that right?”

The question makes you tense up and you can feel Harry’s puzzled look on you from the side.

“It’s not like it was my fault for not making it up there,” you sass back, forcing a smile to your face.

“Well, that’s not entirely true,” the woman chuckles and it has your blood boiling, because you know the real meaning behind her words.

It’s your fault you didn’t become a model because you were never thin enough to be one. It was your fault and not the industry’s to hold impossible standards to women who wanted to succeed as a model.

The smile falters from your face and you take a long, judgmental look at the woman in front of you. Because if she is brave enough to talk like that to you, you’re not gonna shy away from bringing her spirits down either.

“Judging from your appearance and attitude you wouldn’t make it either,” you spitefully reply and her smile quickly fades, clearly shocked at your answer. You open your mouth again, ready to continue, but then you feel a hand on the small of your back and you realize Harry is still standing next to you.

“Come on, we have somewhere to be, right?” he smiles kindly as you just simply nod and walk away from the woman before she could offend you again.

Harry senses your tension as the two of you leave the venue but doesn’t try to talk to you and that’s a wise choice from him. As you step out of the building you realize that if you went home now you’d probably get drunk on your own and let that comment get to you more than you should. So instead of doing that you turn to Harry.

“So, what are our plans?” you ask and you don’t miss the small smile on his lips as he stares back at you.

Not in the mood to stay around people at a bar you accept Harry’s invitation to his place, since it’s also close. The contrast between his extravagant penthouse and your cozy but still quite modern townhouse in Park Slope is major, but you didn’t expect anything less from the man.

You’ve managed to calm down since you left the venue, but you’re still quite bitter about the comment the woman made. Harry hasn’t tried to ask you about it, but you can tell he is dying to know more about the situation that’s behind the madness.

He fixes you a drink and you find yourself sinking into his comfortable and probably ridiculously expensive couch in his living room area.

“I used to want to be a model,” you start, breaking the silence that settled between the two of you. “When I was a teen. I was a lot thinner, I was a competitive dancer until I was seventeen, but I had a knee injury, so I had to quit.”

Harry sits on the other end of the couch, listening to you with patience as he sips on his own drink.

“I was never as thin as the other models at the agency I was trying to get into, but I definitely wasn’t overweight. Yet, they labelled me as a plus size model. I was a healthy, strong young girl with a perfectly good body, yet they told me that I was too fat to be a model.”

Glancing at Harry, you can tell that he is surprised at the information he just learned. He is probably picturing you thinner now, going to model castings and if you’re being honest you enjoyed that part. The trouble came when you got rejection after rejection, telling you to lose weight and come back after that.

“I quit my whole plan to be a model and studied fashion and business instead, consciously working my way towards this point. But I never got over how the industry made me feel less of a person because I wasn’t a size zero.”

For a few long moments Harry just stares at you and it’s actually nice that he doesn’t try to make you feel better right away, praising you how you are perfect just the way you are. Because you’re not, but that’s fine because no one is.

“I’ve honestly never seen a more cruel industry than fashion before,” he then speaks up. “I didn’t grow up in it and still don’t really have that much and deep connection with it, but I know how fucked up it is. And it’s nice to see that you know your worth even after everything that happened.”

Your gaze meets his and you’re looking for any sign that gives away that he is just messing with you, but it’s all genuine. You just shoot him a small smile before lifting your drink to your lips. It’s the most intimate moment you’ve shared with him, including the ones you had in that bathroom.

“Okay, now you tell me something about your life,” you prompt, wanting to divert the conversation on him a little bit.

“What do you want to know?” he asks with a soft chuckle.

“Why did you name your brand Twisted?” you ask. The question has been on your mind for a while.

“It’s coming from my mum’s name. Anne Twist.”

Your eyebrows shoot up, you weren’t expecting such a deep and personal reason behind the name, connected to a family member.

“Why her?”

“Why not?” he smirks shrugging his shoulders. “She raised me and my sister up, I wouldn’t be here without her. It was obvious I would make her be part of it in some kind of way.”

“That’s actually very nice. Who knew that you could be something other than an egoistic asshole!” you joke, making him laugh as well.

“Okay, what’s the meaning behind your brand?” he then turns it back around.

“Well, my aunt met her husband when they were very young, maybe eighteen. She fell in love with Fabio on her trip to Italy and being the impulsive and adventurous woman that she is, she stayed for a month there just because of Fabio. He is a very passionate man and he was always ready to bring the stars down for Julia. He always used to tell her that he would even catch a comet for her, if that’s what she wanted. And that was my aunt’s favorite saying from him. Cometa is comet in Italian. It’s her tribute to the love of her life.”

“That’s easily the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard,” Harry hums and you just smile nodding at him. It really is like a fairytale and it’s also one of the reasons why you were so happy to take her place at Cometa. Julia is still just as in love with Fabio as she was at eighteen and she deserves to spend more time with her beloved husband. She earned the time off after all the sacrifices she made for the company and all through them Fabio stayed by her side. It’s their well-earned happy ending now.

“You know a lot about romantic things?” you cock an eyebrow at him, finishing up your drink.

“Actually, I’m a quite romantic guy.”

“Are you now?”

“Yeah, you just never gave me the chance to show it to you.”

“Oh, so now I’m the bad guy?” you chuckle, handing him your glass when he stands from the couch to get you a refill.

“Exactly!” he chuckles holding up your empty glass on his way. “I hope you know you absolutely broke my heart when you didn’t give me your number that night.”

“Oh, you poor little thing,” you chuckle, resting your head in your palm, your elbow on the back of the couch. “I’m not sorry though. You didn’t give out the right vibes.”

“The right vibes?” he huffs as he returns with your drink and now sits a little closer to you. “What vibe did I give you?” “The vibe that told me I shouldn’t mess with you,” you simply answer as you take a sip from your refilled drink.

“You were so keen on hating me even before you knew who I was, I can’t believe you,” he chuckles shaking his head.

“I’m just cautious!” you protest. “I’ve dealt with some problematic men in the past, I can’t let myself walk right into another one that easily.”

“What did they do?”

“Some men just can’t treat women right. Especially confident ones with a body like mine,” you simply shrug.

Men like to think that bigger girls are so terribly insecure about their body that they need the validation of a male to feel good about themselves. But when you’re confident and feel good in your own skin without needing them to praise you, they think that you’re egoistic, so full of yourself and they are quick to try to drag you down. That’s something you can’t tolerate. You don’t need a man to feel good about yourself, you don’t need anyone for that. You know your worth and that’s all that matters.

Harry’s eyes travel down your body, taking his time on your curves and you smile shaking your head as you reach out and cupping his chin you pull his head up so he is looking into your eyes.

“I honestly can’t see what problem anyone could have with your body. I haven’t stopped thinking about it since our bathroom fiasco,” he bluntly comments making you chuckle, even flattered by his words.

“You are such a flirt,” you grin at him and he doesn’t try to protest.

You stay for a couple more drinks and you drop the heavier topics, venturing over to music, fashion and any funny stories that come to your mind. Harry is actually amazing company when you’re not trying to jump at each other’s throat and for a few short hours you forget that he is supposed to be your competitor.

You’re a little tipsy, but you are definitely not drunk, so when Harry offers you to stay the night you turn it down, calling yourself a car since you are not in the right state to drive.

“I’ll come and pick my car up in the morning,” you breathe out as you put your heels back on that came off your feet sometime during the evening, making yourself home in his place.

“I’ll text you the security number to the garage,” he nods, walking you to the elevator.

“Thank you. And… I guess thank you for the evening,” you smile at him, turning to face him. He is standing close, but still takes a step closer, one of his hands finding your waist as he pulls you against his chest. Your palms lie flat on his chest as you try to get yourself to the right mindset to leave now before you regret doing something. Leaning down his nose nudges against your cheek, before he presses a soft kiss under below your ear, a sigh escaping your lips.

“I should go, the car is here,” you breathe out, but don’t move.

“Mm, okay,” he hums, his lips peppering kisses on your jaw and your cheek, as if you didn’t say a word. You want to continue it, not just because of the alcohol but because the sexual tension between the two of you has been growing since that charity gala, but the remainder of your rationality stops you before your lips could meet.

“Bye Harry,” you smile at him softly as you push him away and you walk into the elevator, leaving him hanging. Again.

“Bye Y/N. I’m still going to try to ruin your company!” he calls after you as you turn around to face him, the sliding doors slowly closing between the two of you.

“Same back at you, Styles,” you smirk before the door closes and you are taken down.

Well, that was a lie. Following your evening at his place neither of you really tries to work against the other, leaving each other be without any fuss. It might also have something to do with how you kept in touch after that day. You’ve been texting occasionally, attending some events together, even had a business dinner together with a few other peers from the industry. Things have been quiet and you’ve been feeling content with the current state you’ve managed to reach. Or so you thought.

It was a silent agreement between the two of you. You both put your projects aside that targeted the other’s profile. Harry stopped looking for designers for his women lines and you put your men department to the side as well. There were a lot to work on beside these fields so you felt like you were in peace. Right until Leslie bursts into your office on a casual Tuesday.

“Have you seen this?” she asks, placing a tablet in front of you with an Instagram account open on it.

You want to ask what you’re supposed to look at, but then you realize what it really is. A shiny new account for a new brand that promises to take online shopping to the next level; female and male as well.

“You think it could be…?” you ask, not quite convinced that Harry is behind this.

“Well, the wording is similar to theirs and creating a new brand might be a solution to their gap in women’s fashion,” she points it out, though you don’t want to believe he could have been working on this all along, basically in front of your face.

But it’s a possibility and you have to consider this option before jumping into defending him without any proof.

“Men can’t be trusted,” you grumble under your breath before jumping into work.

What you didn’t know is that an eerily similar situation goes down in Harry’s office as well when Zayn bursts in, showing him the ad he found for the new brand called Farfalla.

Harry immediately digs up everything about the company, though there’s not much other than their new Instagram account and heavy marketing that started just yesterday.

“What is Farfalla even?” he grimaces leaning back in his chair.

“It means butterfly in Italian,” Zayn explains and Harry’s eyes flicker up to him.

“Italian? You think it’s her?”

“It’s possible,” Zayn nods. “Starting a new brand to finally reach men’s fashion is a good idea.”

“She wouldn’t have done this,” Harry shakes his head in disbelief. Could you be working on this all along? Was this your plan from the start? To make him fall for you and forget about business while you built up your new empire to ruin him?

“What if she did?” Zayn prompts and in a way his suspicion is valid, but Harry is having a hard time believing it. You would never play him this dirty, not after how the two of you have grown closer in the past weeks, almost became friends.

“What are you going to do?” Zayn asks him as he pushes himself away from the desk and quite obviously starts getting ready to leave.

“She is not getting away from this,” Harry mumbles under his breath as he grabs his coat and phone before storming out of the office.

It’s past six when Harry gets to Cometa’s building and he is informed that you’ve already went home. He could have just come back in the morning, but he knew he would just stew in his own anger if he didn’t talk to you as soon as possible. So using his charm he gets the woman sitting behind the front desk to share your address with him, saying that he needs to talk to you urgently. That’s how he finds himself heading to Park Slope, slightly surprised you are not living somewhere in the heart of Manhattan.

As the scenery around his changes, skyscrapers turning into brick buildings and townhouses, Harry tries to figure out what he even wants to say to you. Should he just get straight down to business and accuse you? Snap at you? Or should he give you the chance to explain yourself? He can’t really make up his mind, mostly because he still feels like you betrayed him even though he can’t be sure Farfalla is yours.

Parking down at the address he got from the woman, he stares up at the deep red brick townhouse, a simple, black door at the top of the stairs that’s lined with a few potted plants and flowers. This is not what he would have imagined your home like, but now that he is standing on your doormat, he realizes it kind of suits you.

Ringing the bell he hopes that you’re home and not out and about somewhere in the city, but when he hears the familiar sound of heels clicking on the floor he knows you are on the other side. When the front door flings open and you come into his sight, for a split second he forgets why he is here and his anger vanishes. As always, you look amazing, a tight, black dress hugging your curves, the middle part appearing like it’s a corset, emphasizing the dip of your waist. Your hair is let down in loose curls and your feet are bare, but he knows you probably wore heels all day. You must have gotten home not long ago and as your eyes fall on the man at the door, your expression hardens on him.

“You really had the balls to come her, huh?” you cock your head to the side, keeping your eyes on his green ones for a moment before you let him inside.

“Did you think you could get away with it?” he huffs walking into the hallway and stopping as you close the door and turn to him.

“Me? I could say the same! You thought I would just ignore it or what? I proved you a few times that I’m not stupid, Harry,” you retort, folding your arms on your chest as you walk past him, into the kitchen and he follows.

“You surely are not stupid, playing me so dirty behind my back!” Harry spats standing his ground. “Playing all friendly and nice and then make a fool out of me!”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” you question narrowing your eyes at him as you lean against the kitchen island’s counter. “If anyone played dirty it’s you! And you have the balls to come here and talk like this to me in my own fucking home?!” you snap, walking closer to him, keeping your deathly glare on him.

“What the fuck did I do?!” he scoffs throwing his hands into the air.

“You created a whole new brand just to fuck with me! Or did you think I wouldn’t find out about it?!”

“Me? You made a new brand! And you didn’t do a great job hiding the fact that it was your work, even the name is Italian, like your current one!”

You stare back at him, tilting your head to the side as you process what he is talking about. All along, the two of you were accusing each other of something neither of you did.

“Harry,” you breathe out, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Farfalla is not my brand.”

“And I’m supposed to believe it?!”

“Well you better be because it’s the fucking truth!”

“Prove it!” he hisses at you, taking a step closer, his face only inches away from yours now.

“Until about twenty seconds ago I thought that it was your new brand, Harry. I thought that you were the one who backstabbed me!” you snap back, standing up for yourself in this giant misunderstanding you fell into, accusing each other without any proof.

Harry stares back at you, his gaze burning into yours as he stands his ground and you can almost see the gears turning in his head as he processes your words.

“So… it’s not yours? You didn’t do it to fuck me up?”

“Of course not!” you breathe out, suddenly quite tired of all the anger that’s been eating you away through the afternoon. “I thought that we had a kind of silent agreement not to mess with each other so I wasn’t planning anything anytime soon. That’s why I got so mad when I thought you did it!”

“I thought the same!” he growls shaking his head. “I thought you did it all to just make me look stupid, that the friendly act was just so I wouldn’t notice a thing and I fell right into your trap.”

“There was no trap,” you simply tell him and you hope he senses the hidden meaning behind your words.

Luckily he does. But for your biggest surprise there’s no snarky comment or smug smirking, he just steps closer and before you could even protest, his hands find your waist and he pulls you against his hard chest, lips hungry attacking yours. He makes you back until you bump against the kitchen island, his hips pressing against yours as he pushes you against the hard surface, his hands wandering on your sides and back, up and down, exploring every curve of your body while his kisses never slow down, your tongues meeting in the middle.

Bringing up a leg you curl it around his hips, your heel digging into his round ass as he leans forward, making you arch your back, leaning onto the counter as his lips move from your lips to your jawline and neck, his fingers digging into your waist and the thigh that’s lifted by his side. He nibbles on the soft skin of your neck, definitely leaving a mark, but you just comb your fingers through his hair, letting yourself get lost in the sensation.

“As much as I would love to fuck you on a counter again, can we take this to a bedroom?” he mumbles as he kisses his way back up to your lips, smirking against them as he captures them again.

You don’t answer, just grab his hand and pull him upstairs with you, right into your bedroom. He is all over you, lips, hands, tongue, pressed up against you as the two of you stumble your way to your king sized bed. Harry’s fingers fidget with the corset on your dress, but he soon realizes it’s a little trickier than he expected, so leaning back he furrows his eyebrows as he glances down at the dress, still trying to figure out how to get you out of it.

“Harry,” you smile at him softly. “It’s faux. There’s a zipper at the back,” you inform him and he sighs in defeat as he kisses you again, his fingers quickly finding the zipper. The dress pools at your feet and you rid him from his jacket and shirt, revealing his inked chest, a sight you’ve been thinking about way too much lately.

By the time the two of you fall to your bed, neither of you are dressed in more than just your underwear. Because both of you like to be in charge, you roll around for a while, trying to get on top of each other but eventually Harry stays up when he starts going down on you, kissing his way through your heated skin. You don’t shy away when his hands snake under your back and easily unclasps your bra, being bare in front of him is not something that makes you feel uncomfortable or insecure. The way he looks at you, the way he makes you feel brings you so much confidence, you have absolutely no problem being nude.

When your bra flies to the floor, Harry leans back a little to admire you lying there, before his lips find their way over the curve of your breasts, down your stomach. Hooking his fingers into the elastic of your panties he tugs them down easily as you lift your hips, your thighs parting as you bare yourself in front of him.

“Don’t be shy about screaming my name,” he smugly tells you before his lips and tongue meet your clit. Your fingers lace through his hair immediately as you gasp out at the sensation, his tongue drawing the whole fucking alphabet to your bundle of nerves. His arms curl around your thighs, ring clad fingers digging into your flesh as he sucks on the sensitive skin.

“Fuck, Harry! Yes!” you moan out, tugging on his locks when he teases his tongue around your hole, your walls tightening around nothing as you are growing desperate to feel something inside of you.

You pull on his hair, signaling him that you want to get it on with, Hands reaching down to get rid of his boxer briefs before you blindly pull out the drawer of your nightstand, grabbing a condom. His lips eagerly meet yours as he wraps his erected cock and though you would love to have a taste of him like he did with you, you just want to feel him inside you.

“Tell me how bad you want it,” he growls against your lips, teasing you with running just the head up and down your slit.

“If you don’t fuck me right now I’m gonna rip your guts out,” you warn him, earning a soft chuckle as he kisses you again, tongue pushing into your mouth as he finally pushes inside you, his long, thick cock filling you up perfectly and it somehow feels even better than the first time.

“Go hard,” you gasp, a hand coming to grab his ass as you push him even further into you. He doesn’t need more, he starts slamming into you, his hips meeting yours roughly with each thrust, his whole length disappearing inside you every time.

He buries his head into the crook of your neck, licking and sucking on the soft skin. You almost think about telling him not to mark you, but it just turns you on even more so you let him do whatever he wants.

“I want to see you on top,” he pants, lifting his head so his gaze could meet yours. You nod, before the two of you turn around and you straddle his hips, guiding him back inside you as you sink down his length. Your hands are sprawled out on his hard chest as you find your balance in the position, Harry’s eyes roaming your body up and down, not able to get enough of how blissful you look, sitting with his cock buried inside of you, enjoying yourself to the fullest. His hands run up your thighs and upper body until they find your breasts, kneading them as you start moving your hips up and down, back and forth. When you moan his name or gasp because his cock reaches that one particular spot inside you, those are the moments he wishes he could capture on camera and watch whenever he wants.

“I want it from back,” you pant as you lean down and kiss him roughly. That’s all he needs, he helps you get off of him before you get on all four, pushing your butt up in the air while Harry kneels behind you, the sight in front of him hardening his cock even more, if that’s possible. His hands grab onto your waist as he pushes inside you, making you both let out a satisfied moan before he starts moving again.

“Fuck, you look so good like this, Y/N. I love your ass,” he growls, giving it a smack that surprises you, but you absolutely love it.

“Harry, go faster!” you whimper, feeling your orgasm nearing as you grip the comforter on the bed, desperate to reach your climax. You’re just about to reach down between your legs to play with your clit when Harry not only picks his pace up but also reaches around you, two of his fingers starting the circling motions on the bundle of nerves, making your legs shake from the pleasure.

“Come on, baby. Cum for me, cum all over my cock,” he growls, railing you from behind without missing a beat.

“Harry!” you scream when he thrusts into you so harshly, your whole body rocking in the motion.

“Come on, angel. Cum for me,” he murmurs and leaning down he wraps his arms around you, bringing you up straight, your back pressing against his sweaty chest, his hands coming to cup your breasts as he keeps thrusting up into you, pushing you over the edge.

You moan and gasp and scream his name as your walls tighten around his length, riding out your bliss and it helps him reach his own high, his hot breath hitting the back of your neck and shoulder, grunting and cursing under his breath as he fills the condom.

As his thrusts come to a halt, he sinks into a sitting position, bringing you with him, you lean against him feeling like jelly as you’re still just trying to catch your breath. Harry peppers your shoulder with small kisses before you muster the energy to break the position and lie down on the bed.

“Towel is in the bathroom,” you tell him knowing that’s what he’ll look for as he stands from the bed and you point at the door that leads to the joined bathroom. Harry nods and pads his way in there, cleaning himself up before he returns with a small damp towel, doing the same for you. He drops it to the floor next to the bed before joining you, cradling you into his arms as you take a breather together.

One hand is on your shoulder, fingers dancing on the naked skin, the other one is holding your thigh that’s across his lap while your head is resting on his chest.

“You really thought I would backstab you like that?” he hums after a while, breaking the comfortable silence.

“You did the same,” you answer, lifting your head, resting your chin on his chest.

“Touché,” he chuckles, before leaning down he kisses you shortly. “So, if neither of us did it, then we have a quite major problem on our hands.”

“I know,” you hum. “That shit looks promising and they can easily ruin both of us.”

Harry stays silent for a little, but you can see the gears turning in his head. When his gaze snaps back at you, you know he has an idea.

“Unless… we join forces.” Your eyebrows arch as you stare back at him. “I know it’s a risky move, but this is the only way to stay on the top.”

“How much you want to be joined?”

“We could start with just one line, the men part designed by someone from me and the women by someone from you. And if it presents well we can just figure out where to go from there. Obviously, the men part would be sold by us and the women by you, but we could join the pages and direct users to each other’s sites in connection with the lines.”

“That could… actually work,” you nod shortly, thinking about the idea. It needs a lot of planning, but it could actually be a big hit if you do it right. “And you’re willing to partner with me?” you ask cheekily as you push yourself up into a sitting position, Harry doing the same.

“If you haven’t noticed, I’m willing to do about anything with you,” he chuckles, making you smile at his playful answer. “I hope you know I’m not talking about just business,” he then adds with a meaningful look.

“You are still so keen on this?” you sigh, tugging your hair behind your ear.

“Do you not like being with me?”

“I do, surprisingly,” you roll your eyes, making him laugh.

“Do you not like having sex with me?”

“I think the answer is pretty obvious to that,” you give him a look as he smirks back at you.

“Yeah, but I want to hear it.”

“I enjoy having sex with you, Harry,” you roll your eyes again, but he just kisses you short but hard before leaning back.

“So then why shouldn’t we date?”

“Because we are competitors?”

“We just agreed that we should join forces. We are partners now.”

“You are running a little ahead, Harry,” you cock an eyebrow at him. “I don’t know, I haven’t been in a relationship in ages. I probably suck at it at this point,” you shrug, but it’s just a lame excuse and you both know that. Leaning closer Harry smirks at you smugly.

“I have something else you can suck.” You smack his chest at his nasty remark, but can’t push a smile back. His hand finds the back of your head as he pulls you in for another kiss. “I want you, Y/N. I really do. You are all I think about even when you are an annoying piece of shit, getting under my skin. I still want you.”

“Wow, so romantic,” you chuckle shaking your head. “What if we can’t get over our differences in the business? That can easily poison any relationship.”

“Then we’ll have a lot of mind-blowing angry and makeup sex. Those are the best. We can put all our frustration into sex, I think that’s just perfect.”

“What are you, a horny teenager? Sex is all you can think about?” you chuckle.

“It is when I’m lying in a bed with you naked. You can’t blame me,” he grins smugly and you want to hate him, you want to hate him so badly, but you can’t. You want him just as much as he wants you.

“So… partners?” he prompts, tilting his head to the side with a sweet smile as he waits for your answer.

“Partners in business and life?”

“Mhm, that’s the plan,” he nods, his smile growing wider with each passing second.

“Alright,” you breathe out. “So… it’s not—All is fair in war and business?” you ask teasingly, using his own words from earlier.

“Just shut up and kiss me,” he laughs, pulling you in for another kiss.

Thank you for reading! Please like/reblog if you enjoyed!

[phykios]

this one is dedicated to mi amor mari @perseannabeth, who is a beautiful bird and a wonderful friend and i am v v vvvvv grateful to have crossed the airwaves with her :”)

Today Was A Fairytale [read on ao3] T, modern royalty, fun at disneyland!

She stares at him. 

He stares back. “What?”

“Really?”

“What?”

“You really think this is going to be enough?” Annabeth points at her head, the blue Yankees cap squishing her curls. 

“Of course! It’s the Clark Kent effect.” As if to underline his point, Percy slips on his fake hipster glasses, except that stupid grin of his is too bright not to draw attention. 

“That’s not a real thing.”

“Sure it is. Studies show that glasses are actually good enough to alter your appearance if someone doesn’t know you well.”

“Then why didn’t you bring a pair of glasses for me?”

“Because your hair is definitely the prettiest thing about you,” he says, automatically tugging an unruly curl which peeks out from under the brim, a gesture so practiced she almost doesn’t register it--until he blinks, dropping his hand, blushing lightly. “I mean--the most noticeable thing. You know. A hat should be fine.”

He looks away. Heat rises to her face, too. Because it’s so hot out, obviously. 

“Anyway,” he mumbles, “um. No--no one’s going to give you a second look if your hair is hidden.”

Chewing her lip, Annabeth can’t help but worry. Percy’s face is extremely well-known, possibly more than hers, and they’ve both spent the better part of three weeks with their faces plastered all over the media on their diplomatic trip. This is probably a really, really bad idea. Then, a thought occurs to her. “How about,” she says, perking up, “you give me your glasses, and I’ll give you mine.” From her backpack, she fishes out a pair of sunglasses, big and nondescript. He’ll practically be wearing a superhero mask with these.

Percy smiles again, and Annabeth thinks she might fly. “Perfect.”

Which is how Her Royal Highness Anna Elisabeth Ingrid Irene of Sweden and His Serene Highness Perseus Alexandros Ioannis of Thera play hooky from their day of boring meetings, insufferable dignitaries, and stuffy security guards, to go see the eighth wonder of the world: Disneyland Resort in California.

And how Annabeth eats her words as they make it past the security gate unchecked. “Eh?” He beams, nudging her with his elbow. “Eh?”

Rolling her eyes, she shoves him back. “Shut up.”

***

[description: a tiktok video which depicts a line at Disneyland. the op, a black girl with braids, covers her mouth and looking into the camera, turning the camera to focus on the two people behind her. one is a tall boy with black hair and sunglasses, and the other is a blonde girl with a yankees hat and glasses. both are white. video text reads: “p sure the people behind me are prince percy and princess annabeth??? um?????”. background audio is a dubstep remix of the fight theme from undertale. end ID]

***

Maybe it’s a little weird, on account of her being actual royalty and all, but Annabeth has always been interested in princesses, both as a matter of historical record (history is awesome) and in the general sense. Like millions of other people, she, too, was raised on Disney movies and tales of princesses and true love, and she was just as captivated as the rest of them. She and Percy used to watch the Disney catalogue whenever their families held state visits for each other, staying up into the small hours of the morning, sharing some popcorn and singing along. 

Luckily for Annabeth, her favorite princess is holding a meet and greet at the Royal Hall.

“Excuse me,” Percy says, approaching Princess Ariel. Well, her cast member, anyway. “Could I get a photo for my friend?”

“Of course!” she trills, her blue eyes sparkling. “It would be my pleasure.” Holding her hand out, perfectly poised and graceful in a way that would impress even Annabeth’s stodgy etiquette instructor, she smiles, warm and welcoming, pivoting to bring Annabeth in for one of those weird, semi-awkward half-hugs. “What’s your name?”

“Anna,” says Annabeth. Hey, it’s not untrue. She’s a little leery of using any of her names, but Anna is common enough. Annabeth? Not so much. Even with her glasses and hat disguise, a little paranoia is justified, she thinks.

“It’s so wonderful to meet you, Anna,” she says, cheerful, with all the grace and charm of someone who doesn’t spend hours saying the same thing over and over again to excitable, temperamental children. What a trooper, she thinks.

“Don’t you recognize a fellow princess when you see one, your highness?” Percy says, grinning that stupid, smarmy grin of his. 

Annabeth glares. Oh, he thinks he’s so damn clever. 

“Oh, of course,” says Ariel, smoothly. “How could I have thought otherwise? Your highness.” And she curtsies to Annabeth, a short dip, her hand placed delicately against her chest. “Perhaps I can introduce you to my friend Anna, princess of Arendelle?”

Still smirking, Percy takes some more pictures, trapping Annabeth into smiling for the camera. She can’t be glaring daggers in her pictures, nor can there be video evidence of her kicking him--no matter how much she wants to.

And she definitely doesn’t miss the way Ariel not-so-subtly checks Percy out, eyeing him up and down.

“You fucking asshole,” she hisses as they leave the photo area, swatting him lightly, and he giggles. 

“Sorry, sorry, I couldn’t resist.”

“Ugh, I hate you so much.”

It’s hard to stay mad at him, though she definitely tries as they enter back out into the park proper, giving him just the barest hint of a cold shoulder. 

“Aw, come on,” Percy says. “I was just teasing.”

“You shouldn’t go around tempting fate like that,” Annabeth says. “Do you want to cause another international incident?”

Percy winces, no doubt remembering the Gateway Arch incident of 2008. 

“If someone recognizes us, we don’t have Zoe or any of her team to protect us,” Annabeth goes on. “Not that I think anyone here would try to hurt us, but…” But it’s a little nerve-wracking, being on her own like this. She hasn’t been alone like this for a really long time.

Wincing, Percy rubs the back of his head. “I guess I forgot you’re a little higher profile than me. Sorry.”

She doesn’t like to think about it, but it’s true. Percy, by his nature as the younger son of a largely defunct royal house, doesn’t have quite the same number of… issues… that someone like Annabeth might have.

Deflating, she uncrosses her arms. “It’s okay.”

“I should have asked you first.”

“It’s really okay,” she says. “No harm no foul.”

“Do you want to get out of here?” he asks, entirely serious. “I can call someone up.”

She knows just how long they’ve planned this, how many favors he’s called in and policies he’s sidestepped. Backing out now would just be a waste of a day. She shakes her head. “It’s fine,” she says. “I’m just… feeling a little exposed, I guess. But, I don’t want to ruin all our plans. Let’s keep going.” She grabs his hand, squeezing a little.

“...Okay,” Percy says. “But say the word, and we’ll call it a day. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Good.” Like he doesn’t have any other expression today, he smiles at her again.

It hits her, suddenly. He’s so much taller than she remembers. Once upon a time she used to be taller than him; now, he’s basically a whole head above her. 

It’s annoying. But also… not.

Spying something over her shoulder, his eyes light up, and he practically gasps. “Cinderella!” he points with his free hand, like a five-year old. “Come on!” And he takes off to one of the park corners, dragging Annabeth along with him. 

He has to wait in line behind a pair of twin girls, six or seven years old by the looks of it, in identical Cinderella dresses for a photo, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, and when it’s finally his turn, he nearly trips over himself to go up and ask for a photo. 

Cinderella agrees, and now Annabeth is relegated to the job of cameraperson. Percy slides in next to the princess, his hand on her waist, but, ever the respectful gentleman, loosely held, so the cast member can slide out of his grasp without any difficulty at all.

Taking a few shots, it does look kind of strange to have Cinderella’s beautiful, shining face, and Percy’s enormous sunglasses blocking his. “Take off your glasses?” she says, lowering her phone for a second. 

Dutifully, Percy slips them off, smiling again for the camera. 

Cinderella’s smile doesn’t falter, a credit to her professionalism, but Annabeth can see her eyes widen, just a touch.

Annabeth snaps off a few more photos, “Got ‘em!” and Percy once again gushes over the princess, thanking her for her time. Grabbing Annabeth’s hand again, he practically skips off, leading them in the direction of a nearby candy shop. 

***

me: IM SHAKING GUESS WHO I JUST TOOK A PICTURE WITH????

sis: prince percy?

me: HOW TF DID YOU KNOW

sis: its on twitter already

***

They’re walking along, Annabeth slurping up a Dole whip, when she suddenly stops in her tracks, outside of one of the many, many gift shops. “Wait up a second.”

“Hm?” Percy says, around the giant lollipop in his mouth. 

“I want to get some Mickey ears.” 

Very quickly they get lost in the sea of Disney merchandise, walking the labyrinth of Star Wars and Marvel and Pixar goods. There’s a surprising amount of black for the so-called happiest place on Earth, but things do brighten up when Annabeth finally turns a corner and finds the enormous selection of Mickey ears. It’s a wash of sparkles, flowers, bows, and occasionally characters, for children and adults alike. Annabeth eyes a pair designed like Baby Yoda, eyes wide and ears adorably huge, before she fingers a pair of white Mickey ears that have a bridal veil attached to them, contemplating its counterpart, the black ears for the groom, each ear emblazoned with a sparkling silver “Happily Ever After.”

She looks around. Where did Percy wander off to, anyway? 

Well, wherever he is, hopefully he hasn’t gotten mobbed by a horde of excitable fangirls. Given that she can’t hear any screaming--well, any unusual, non-Disneyland-relevant screaming--that’s probably a good sign. 

Running her fingers over the ear selections, she finally picks out a pair of silver sequined earrings with a shiny gold bow, a tiny, rhinestone Cinderella’s castle placed delicately in the middle. 

Yeah. This one. 

Percy finds her as she is paying for her ears, a pair of his own already on his head, red balloons inside of plastic circles. The sunglasses, she notes with a tinge of nervousness, are tucked in his shirt, and not on his face, protecting his identity. “Oh, check mine out--they light up!” he says, giddy, pressing the button on the side, not that she can tell in the brightly lit shop.

“That’s not why I was looking.”

Walking out of the store, ears firmly in her possession, she looks around again. Percy’s face is out there for the world to see, and no one is giving them a hard time. 

And her hat is really sweaty. 

Ah, fuck it.

She removes the Yankees cap, shaking out her sweaty curls, sliding the ears on in its place.

And the glasses, for good measure.

“Cinderella?” Percy asks.

“I thought you’d approve.”

Outside the shop, next to a corn dog cart, Percy pulls her aside, out of the way of a whole classroom’s worth of children, holding up a plastic plag. “So, confession.”

“Percy…” He didn’t. “We said no gifts!” They had agreed to it that morning!

“Well, see,” he says, fumbling around in the bag, pulling out a black t-shirt. “I saw this, and I thought--I thought you might like it.”

He unfolds it, and Annabeth frowns at the shirt design. 

It’s… a drawing of a man in a purple mask against a solid black background, glaring at the viewer. Circling him, in distressed, white-grey military font, are the words “BARON ZEMO,” and the logo for the show he must star in, Marvel’s The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. She doesn’t really watch superhero shows, though, and she’s pretty sure Percy doesn’t, either. Maybe he’s started this one and he really likes it? “Thanks,” she says, confusion coloring her voice despite her best efforts. 

But he doesn’t look too disappointed. “I was looking through their pride merch, and they didn’t have any stuff with the ace flag, which totally sucks, but then I thought that maybe you might like something a little more subtle? So, yeah.” He shakes it. “Ace pride!”

Oh. Oh, this boy. 

She remembers, so vividly, visiting his father’s summer home on Kalymnos, a few years ago, the summer she turned nineteen, waking up to a banging in the kitchen, noisy pots and pans making a real racket. Granted, it had been one in the afternoon, and Annabeth probably should have been awake sooner, but she had stumbled out of the guest room into the kitchen, rubbing sleep out of her eyes, to the sight of Percy wrestling with the standmixer, making bright, neon purple frosting. The night before, sometime around three or four AM, that weird, liminal hour where the shadow of night just starts to recede, the sky a sweet, soft, dusky blue, she had come out as demisexual to her best friend, saying the words aloud for the first time ever. Loopy from lack of sleep, the moment had passed without much fanfare.

But Percy, dark-circled and still yawning, had woken up early to make her a chocolate cake. By the time she had woken up, he had baked the cake, chilled it, and made two out of the three frosting colors, a beautiful, moist, dark chocolate cake which ended up being frosted with a marbled mix of purple, black, and white, all folding into each other into a kind of colorless, grey sugar. 

Here, now, in Disneyland, she throws herself at him, wrapping his arms around his neck. His arms automatically come up to circle her, hugging her tight. 

She had been worried it had been some kind of defense mechanism. A young girl with an alarmingly high profile, Annabeth had been the subject of intense scrutiny with regards to any romantic entanglements, with critics, tabloid reporters, and fans alike attempting to invent gossip-worthy relationships with every boy she ever talked to--most usually Percy. They did grow up in the public eye together, attending all kinds of events and functions together over the last fifteen or so years. And they did tweet at each other. Like, a lot. They even had their own portmanteau hashtag. But no relationship ever materialized.

She thought maybe she was just being stubborn, unwilling to play the media game. But it hadn’t been stubbornness. It wasn’t about shyness or inexperience. It was real, and it was her.

And Percy hadn’t even blinked.

“I love it,” she murmurs. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” he says, swaying her from side to side, just a little. “It was my pleasure.”

***

What’s happening: #percabeth (Entertainment • trending)

@kndrck__ STREAM CHROMATICA: um @TheraUS @SwedenRoyals i think i found your sick royals? #percabeth #disneyland

@wasabiviking: omg werent they supposed to be at some hospital opening today #percabeth

@ChampionSno brando he/him: LMAOOO NOT #PERCABETH PLAYING HOOKY LIKE IT’S ROMAN HOLIDAY

***

“Holy shit,” Percy moans, his mouth full of food. “Oh my God. Dear God in Heaven.”

Annabeth kicks his ankle under the table. “Don’t be rude.”

He swallows, eyes fluttering. “Oh my God, Annabeth. Holy shit. This is the best damn sandwich I’ve ever had in my entire life.”

“A monte cristo?”

“A deep-fried monte cristo! In sweet batter!” Taking another bite, he moans again, just this side of indecent. “Oh my God I love Americans. They are absolute culinary geniuses.”

“Better than Bistrot Chez Rémy?” They had both been to Disneyland Paris, separately, sadly, and Percy had recommended the restaurant to her with great enthusiasm for her upcoming trip. As usual, he was spot on with his food recs. 

He nods, eyes closed in rapture. “By a mile.”

“You’ll have to learn to make your own when we get back home, then.”

He jolts, straightening up, cheeks full of food. Roughly, he swallows. “You’re right! I need to take notes.” And he takes out his phone, hurriedly typing down whatever scent and flavor notes he must be able to discern. “This is definitely challah…”

Plucking another piece of chicken with her fork out of her jambalaya, Annabeth lets her attention wander a little, content to watch the passengers on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride as they float on beside them, down in the artificially constructed bayou river. 

Truth be told, she’s kind of tired. They’ve been walking around all day, and even with the brief reprieve of rides, her shoes really aren’t the kind that deal well with huge amounts of walking. She can already tell that she’s going to crash, and crash hard, whenever they get back to their hotel. You know, if their security detail doesn’t eviscerate them first. 

When Percy had first presented his idea to her, she had agreed without hesitation. They had had a long, dense schedule of public appearances planned for their excursions to the states, and the days had begun to seriously wear them out. Together, they had worked out the kinks, coming up with contingencies, negotiating things to do, all over Discord so no one else would get wind of what they were doing. Prior to this trip, she hadn’t seen him in… probably almost a year. She knows his father had been keeping him close to home for whatever reason, and Annabeth had had a handful of official functions to deal with. Their paths just never managed to cross, up until now. 

She hadn’t realized how much she had missed him. 

It’s lonely, growing up in the public eye. It’s cliche, but it’s true. And while Annabeth is afforded a metric ton of various intersecting privileges, she thinks she’d probably give it up in a heartbeat. It kind of sucks being a living, breathing tourist attraction. 

Growing up, she had her cousin Magnus, and a handful of other assorted children to play with, but she would never say that she had a best friend, or even a good friend, until she’d met Percy. Her mother and his father, famous for their mutual dislike, had put aside their differences to host some kind of charitable dinner for the disgustingly wealthy, and had trotted out their respective children in all their finery. Annabeth, being all of twelve years old, hadn’t really grasped the gravity of the event, and had gotten into an itty bitty little food fight with the then-unknown Prince Perseus, the result of an extramarital affair whom his father had so graciously decided to acknowledge and adopt. 

After that night, they became fast friends, and she decided that, if she ever left the royal life, she’d make sure to take Percy with her. He’s one of the few things that makes her life bearable. 

She thinks about it, sometimes. Renouncing her title. It wouldn’t exactly be hard. There was Magnus, just in line behind her. And it’s not like her family held any executive power anyway. They’re just fancy, historically interesting celebrities. 

Would Percy give up his, she wonders?

“Hey.”

“Hm?”

He looks at her oddly over their dessert, two vanilla-bourbon creme brulees. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” she says. “Just tired. Long day.”

“You want to call it a night?”

She frowns. “What’s left?”

“Well, we did Space Mountain, Rise of the Resistance, Haunted Mansion, Pirates of the Caribbean, a few others,” he counts off his fingers, “saw the princesses, got Mickey ears, ate at Blue Bayou… I guess all that’s left is walking around the pier, if you want.”

“Sounds like you two had a full day.”

As one, they almost leap out of their seats, Annabeth choking on her spit. “Jesus, Zoe,” Percy pants, his hand over his chest. “You nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“Oh?” says Zoe Nightshade, the head of their security detail, who had just apparently materialized out of thin air. “Funny. I could say the same about you, sir.”

Coughing, Annabeth eventually manages to get her air back. “Hey, Zoe,” she wheezes. “How was your day?”

“Eventful. Let me tell you about it in the car.”

Annabeth glances at Percy, who’s looking a little bit like a deer in headlights. Honestly, she’s surprised they even made it this far without one of their own tracking them down. Still, it looks like their game is up. 

...Or is it?

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees a large tour group, approaching on the horizon.

“Sure,” Annabeth says, getting up. Luckily, they’ve already paid, so they can just head out; they don’t need to wait for another big group of people to cross their paths. “Will you let us go to the bathroom, first?”

Zoe squints. She’s always been able to see through Annabeth’s bullshit. But Annabeth has her best, Percy-patented baby seal eyes on, perfectly innocent. Surely, Zoe wouldn’t deny them a physical need such as relieving themselves?

After a moment, she nods. “Make it quick, if you please.”

“Of course,” Annabeth says, looking over at Percy, hoping he gets the message. He stands up, slow and stiff, eyes darting between the two of them. “We’ll be right back.”

They wander through tables and chairs towards the bathroom, her eyes always on the tour group as it just starts to pass by. Reaching out, Annabeth grabs Percy’s hand, and with a turn that would make her track coach proud, sprints out of the restaurant, using the throng of people as cover. 

She thinks she hears Zoe yelling behind them, but maybe it’s just her own laughter. “Come on!” she shrieks, breathless, as Percy’s long legs keep pace with her. “To California Adventure!”

***

darthbingus said: the monarchy are fucking parasites but percabeth is pretty cute i guess :/

ladyofsandwiches reblogged and said: it’s obviously a publicity thing lmao, also prince Percy is gay???

eowynning reblogged and said: he’s dating rachel dare, right? he can’t be gay 

ladyofsandwiches reblogged and said: That was a publicity thing too obvs, and Annabeth hasn’t ever been linked to a guy. The king of thera is hardline greek orthodox, there’s no way he’d let his son come out publicly. They’re both gay and pretending to date because homophobia

lardoftheprks reblogged and said: people can be bi and ace and pan and all sorts of things you know

batgirlcock reblogged and said: can you animals leave them alone fr

***

Zoe only spots them after the ferris wheel starts moving. Sprinting over to them, they’re still a full forty feet off the ground by the time she reaches the operator. “Sorry!” she yells down to her, hands cupping her mouth. “We’ll be down in ten minutes!”

“Ananbeth!” he chokes, giggles still escaping him. 

“What?” she laughs. 

“We’re in enough trouble as it is!”

“Exactly,” she says, settling back on the ride. “You’ll probably be grounded for life.”

“Me?” he squawks, playfully offended. “What about you?”

She scoffs. “Please. I’ll just pin it all on you.”

Leaning back, he pouts, arms crossed. “Wow. I plan this amazing day, violate a few embassorial rules, and probably put both of our countries on a massive red alert, and this is the thanks I get?”

“I helped plan it, too.” But he does have a point. “Thank you,” she says. “I had a lot of fun today.”

He turns his head to her, a grin stretching across his face. “Me too.” 

His voice is so soft, so fond. They share a look, a moment, no words between them, only the silence of a true, deep companionship. They don’t need to say anything else, because they already know what the other would say. 

As one, they break away, looking back out into the California evening. 

They don’t talk much as the ferris wheel climbs higher and higher. Honestly, Annabeth is kind of impressed with how well he’s handling himself--she knows heights are a bit of a weakness of his. He grabs the edges of their gondola every once in a while as it drops a few feet, knuckles white and face a little green, but he manages to keep his dinner down, even as the ferris wheel grinds to a halt, Percy and Annabeth at the top of the world. The swing back and forth a little, hot faces against the cool evening breeze. 

And they stay there. 

And stay there. 

And… stay there. 

Annabeth checks her watch. How long have they been up here?

Percy taps his feet, a little too frantic just to be ADHD. 

Finally, there’s a burst of noise from below them, garbled and static. “Uh, yes, excuse me--” the voice says, amplified through a megaphone. “Yeah, um, it appears we are having some… uh, technical difficulties with the Pixar Pal-A-Round. Please remain calm, as we have our best technicians on it, and we are working on evacuating the ride in a calm and efficient manner.” Then the voice cuts out. 

Annabeth glances towards Percy. He has his hands in his lap, fists clenching and unclenching, over and over again. “Uh… you okay?”

“Hm? Oh, sure,” Percy says, “just fine. Peachy keen.” He squeezes his eyes shut, slowly blowing out his breath through his mouth. 

“Hey.” She reaches over, and takes one of his hands in hers, lacing their fingers together. After a long day of holding hands, somehow it still manages to surprise her, how well they fit together, how her skin tingles as she rubs her thumb against his finger. “It’s gonna be fine. We’re gonna be just fine. They’re going to get us off this ride, and then we’ll fly home and be grounded for life.”

“I thought,” he wheezes, “you’d blame it all on me?”

“As if you could come up with a plan as genius as hiding from our guard in It's A Small World.”

He nods, shakily. “Right. All you. Definitely not my idea. Everyone knows I’d have looped back to Pirates of the Caribbean.”

“Definitely.” She squeezes his hand, scooting a little closer. “Just breathe with me a little, okay?”

They breathe together, slowly and evenly. At some point, Percy takes her hand in both of his, running his thumbs over her palm, tracing her lifelines like a map. His hands are big, and warm, and it seems to calm him down a little, so she doesn’t mind all that much. 

Twilight darkens, stars twinkling against the grey, dusky sky, and still they are holding hands. Eventually, Percy relaxes, slumping against his seat.

“You good?” 

He nods. He still doesn’t let go. “Yeah. Just…” he sighs, stretching his arms up, taking Annabeth’s hand with him. “Not super looking forward to the dressing down I’m going to get.”

She winces. Annabeth’s dad is a little more flexible than Percy’s when it comes to breaches of protocol. The king of Thera is somewhat famous for his paranoia. “I hope it was worth it.”

He whips his head to her, eyes wide. “Of course it was worth it!” he says, as though the opposite were even fathomable. “You kidding? This was the best day of my life.”

“Better than your sixteenth?” His father had officially acknowledged him that day. Annabeth had spotted him in a deserted hallway with his mother, the two of them fighting off a few happy tears. She knows just how special that day was for him. 

“Not even close.” Squeezing her hand, he smiles again, that smile she knows almost better than her own by now. That smile she grew up with, a quiet oasis in a whirlwind of ancient tradition and modern media coverage. That smile is safety, familiarity. That smile was there to greet her when her mother chose to leave her family, when her uncle died without heirs, thrusting the position of heiress on her, whenever she had a rotten day or a bad grade or a lonely night, just on the other end of a phone, or down the hall, or in the kitchen. 

Whatever happens, she knows, Percy will be her best friend. Her anchor. 

Her…

She swallows. “Thank you,” she says again. “I needed this.” A day without an agenda. A day just for them. 

His eyes are dark, and soft, like the water beneath them. One hundred and fifty feet in the air in a broken ferris wheel, there’s nowhere safer she can be. “Me too.”

So she’s not really surprised at herself when she says, “I’d really like to kiss you now.”

Eyes widening, just a hair, he opens his mouth, momentarily speechless. “You--are you sure?”

She nods, maybe a little too enthusiastically.

“Cool. Uh, me too.”

“Cool.”

Neither of them move. 

“So, do--do you want to--”

Annabeth leans in, her other hand cupping his cheek, and kisses him. 

His lips are soft. His mouth tastes like vanilla and bourbon. They are trapped in a metal box, one hundred and fifty feet off the ground, about to get the punishment of their lives when they get down, and it is absolutely, utterly perfect. 

And when Annabeth pulls back, there are fireworks. 

Quite literally.

Percy’s face glows with pink and green and purple, and a little fire in his eyes that’s all him. The pops of the fireworks, loud and brassy, and muted, completely overshadowed by the pounding of her heart in her chest. 

They rest their heads against each other, breathing each other’s air, quiet and intimate, the calm before the storm that is surely coming. But that’s fine. Let it come, she thinks. She’ll be safe with Percy.

When the park technicians eventually get the ferris wheel moving again, Percy and Annabeth disembark from the gondola like nothing’s even gone wrong, waving to the crowd of people, fans, and reporters alike, who have swarmed the pier, phones and cameras held aloft in a constellation of light, before being quickly hurried away by Zoe and her crew, ushered to the end of the pier where Annabeth’s embassy’s car is waiting. 

Percy doesn’t let go of her hand once. 

***

KALYMNOS, GREECE--Prince Percy has arrived on the island for his family’s annual summer retreat, bringing his girlfriend, Princess Annabeth of Sweden, with him for the fifth year in a row, and the third as his official partner. Lifelong friends, the couple were most recently seen at Disneyland Tokyo, continuing something of a tradition for the two royals where they visit Disneyland parks across the globe. Our sources inside the castle are hinting that the family is planning something big this year. Could we see a proposal by the end of summer? Be sure to subscribe for more updates!

[blushnote]

↳ requested | 1.6k words

↳ dom!wonwoo smut

a/n: HELLO. i’m sure everyone is wondering what’s going on and WHY i’ve been absent for a few months. put simply: things got hectic and i needed a break! i’m not saying i’ll jump back into being completely active again, but that i’m going to come on as often as i can! (which might be every few days or so! i apologize!!)

as a treat for everyone - this features rich girl wonwoo! <3 

wonwoo stands at the street pole, conversing with his friends. the bar is unusually crowded. mostly likely because it’s a friday and there isn’t much else the townspeople would rather do than get plastered, forgetting the atrocities of work. his friend extends a box of cigarettes to wonwoo, offers him one, but he shakes his head.

since getting involved with you, wonwoo has attempted to forfeit smoking. it has always been something he’s done to pass the time at the street corner. plus, he likes the idea of blowing a big, stinging cloud right into someone’s face when they give him attitude. 

instead wonwoo suckles on a lollipop that tastes like an artificially sweet strawberry, pushes up the bridge of his glasses, and folds some silvery hair under his beanie. he knows it’s about the right time for you to be returning from that dinner party your parents forced you into attending.

as wonwoo’s friend exaggerates a tale about getting into a fist-driven confrontation at a bus stop last week, someone strutting by on the packed street bumps wonwoo’s shoulder.

“choose a better place to stand.” the stranger rumbles, agitated.

wonwoo flicks up his middle finger indifferently. “fuck off.” he grunts, the fog of his breath appearing in the night air.

he’s feeling sort of agitated himself. your parents have tethered you to a leash lately, forcing you to all these fancy gatherings and opening ceremonies and dinners. to put it frankly – wonwoo misses you. your laugh, your eyes, the texture of your skin, your voice in his ear. he’s been wanting an excuse to get his hands all over you. every single inch.

that’s when he hears the ding in his jacket pocket. looking away from the dramatic enactment involving his friend driving a fist into his palm, wonwoo checks his phone to see a text from you. a series of images.

23:28 // JPEG.1034

23:28 // JPEG.1035

23:28 // JPEG. 1036

the three pictures load. he chokes on his breath.

23:28 // i know u don’t like when i spoil my lingerie but.

23:28 // don’t i look so cute :( so fuckable?? im srry but I had to :(

his teeth crack the strawberry lollipop into sugary shards in his mouth. that lace is squeezing your flesh in all the right places. the picture with your fingers splayed teasingly over your underwear, hiding your core, it’s enough to make him shudder, salivate even. he’s officially ignoring his friend’s story by tapping a reply, fiddling with the thin stick in his mouth.

(ww) 23:30 // u free now? head to my place.

he receives an answer immediately.

23:30 // hmmm why?

(ww) 23:30 // u know why. don’t act like such a brat.

already, wonwoo can sense the desire form inside him. pounding almost. like a second heartbeat. you’re usually compliant and bending to his carnal whims. maybe all this time away from each other has you forgetting just how well wonwoo can fuck that stubbornness out.

23:30 // it’s new. i don’t want u ripping anything!!

(ww) 23:30 // idc.

23:30 // so mean!! not even gonna let u touch me now :-)

(ww) 23:30 // yeah. ok. we’ll see about it then.

after sliding his phone back in his pocket, wonwoo glances briefly in through the bar window. he sees a bartender pour a glass full of ice cubes before sloshing in a surge of alcohol. at that, wonwoo gets an idea. when his friends question about why he’s leaving so suddenly, he smirks.

“need to teach someone how to behave.” wonwoo shrugs before jogging quickly across the street.

“i’m not gonna tell you again. keep your fuckin’ thighs spread nice and wide for me or else i won’t let you cum – not even once. you understand?”

a harsh dip in your stomach suggests the breath you just inhaled. after a moment of silence, he hears you comply, and watches with his hungry, intent gaze as your legs part open for him. wonwoo has been teasing you with a bowl of ice cubes. at first, he held them to your nipples, had you whimpering into his mouth while he simultaneously rubbed his tongue against yours. but the real fun began when he introduced the ice cubes to your lower region. it was a very different punishment compared to his past endeavours, a tantalizing one.

wonwoo returns the cube to the nook of your inner thigh, then creeps it slowly toward your core. you’re beginning to tremble with the restraint required to not snap your legs shut. the ice cube ghosts transiently up your slit, a contact you had yet to experience, and a beautiful gasp tears from your lungs. he swears that you leak even more onto the sheets.

he takes the cube away, then drags his warm tongue from the bottom of your pussy right to the top, delivering a slow, flat lick which tastes sweet and cold and makes him so unbelievably dizzy with how much he loves it.

“w-wonwoo, please, pl-please keep going.” you stutter, opening your thighs even wider to invite his tongue.

he shakes his head. “what else did i tell you? don’t ask me to do anything. you’ll lie there and you’ll fuckin’ take it.” smiling, wonwoo issues a tight grip on the ice cube and presses it right into your clit. you whine sharp and loud, your hands traveling all over your body in confusion, not sure if it’s more pleasure than pain, or a hot mix of both.

“or are you still interested in acting like such a brat, hm?” wonwoo utters in his deep voice. “ like a smug little princess who thinks she can tease me whenever she wants and she’ll still get my cock all the way inside her? nice and full, just how she likes it. is that it, babygirl?”

he feels the ice melt under his fingers. you can hardly piece together a response, just a very incoherent, “no wonwoo” as tears start slipping down your cheeks. wonwoo takes the cube away, then massages your clit with his thumb, warming you up slowly. a few jolts pass through your body. he can tell you’re falling apart inside with how badly you want to cum, though wonwoo had strictly told you to hold it. he rubs and rubs and rubs, barking at you to control yourself, your pussy so slippery with arousal that it’s running all down your skin and wetting the bed.

right when he feels you’re about to snap, wonwoo completely removes his touch. you wail at that, suckle in a shaky breath and cry his name.

“please, wonwoo! i-i’m sorry, m’soso sorry! i’m sorry for acting so bratty and sending those pictures, t-teasing you like that! but i just c-ccan’t take this anymore. treat me however you want, but please let me cum!”

he’s truly missed the sound of you begging for him. his cock twitches in his pants, reminding him of how hard he currently is. each time you cry the boy’s name in such a lewd manner, there’s another surge of pleasure and he aches even more, to the point where he could cum just from touching himself over his clothes. still, wonwoo must ensure you’ve really learned your lesson. so, he offers you a deal. he’ll get to watch you pleasure yourself with the ice cube until he cums.

and so wonwoo sits in a chair based at the end of the bed, a hand stuffed down his pants, watching you swirl an ice cube at your sensitive core. he guides you every now and then: “hold it right there, pretty baby. let it melt all the way down. that’s it, sweetheart. n-now rub it, okay? f-finger yourself too. nnrgh, f-fuck. fuck you sound so wet. m’gonna c-cum—”

his strokes lash faster until wonwoo’s head rolls back against the chair, his eyes blinking shut while he chases his high. he hears you continue to whine as he cums, his cock throbbing in his hand, still so hard and heavy. in fact, wonwoo requires a moment just to breathe and let the heat circulate properly through his body.

with his fingers covered in the sticky mess of his cum, wonwoo approaches the bed again, fingering it as deep as he can inside you. he’s unable to remove his gaze from the filthy sight. there’s something so raw and intimate about watching his own seed getting pumped into you that sets his whole body aflame. he decides to let you orgasm as well, stimulating your g-spot consistently, letting you clamp down tight and ride his hand until you’ve got a full fix.

wonwoo supposes he’s done his job.

“i don’t think i’ll ever be able to look at an ice cube the same way again.” you laugh, sitting back against the headboard, tucked into his t-shirt.

drawing a warm washcloth between your thighs, wonwoo blinks at you, a very sly grin forming on his mouth. he plants a kiss on your nose.

“good. means it worked.” the boy says.

he folds the cloth over and finishes the last of his cleaning, ensuring there’s nothing more of his fluids that are still leaking out or anything sticking from your orgasm. grabbing your overnight bag off the floor, wonwoo pulls out a fresh pair of underwear and helps you slide into them. your lingerie sits in a pile off to the side, a few lace straps ripped.

“sorry about your little outfit.” wonwoo apologizes, staring at you earnestly. “it was pretty. you look good in everything.” he squeezes your hip and presses a soft kiss to your lips.

“it’s okay.” you murmur. “i’ll order something even better. and i’ll surprise you with it. maybe for your birthday. sound good?”

“mmhm.” wonwoo purrs, pulling you down with him to cuddle up close for the night.

“as long as i can take it off you, sweetheart, i’m fine with that.”

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Henry finding his Little hiding in the master closet, crying her eyes out because she misunderstood him saying he wanted a new Little.

Oh sweet jesus! I have to admit this was good practice, im not one for angsty stuff but this turned out okay i think? I hope you like it

Warnings: DDLG, Angst, Fluff, Swearing, Tantrums

You hid on the stairs, standing on them so your eye were level with the floor of the landing.

Things were different since you come back home.

You'd been visiting your parents for two weeks to help out, they had moved to France inspired by the chateau renovations so packed up and moved into a huge castle like home.

Renovating was harder then they expected and needed some extra hands so you decided to help them out.

Its the least you can do when they were going to let you and henry get married there for free.

But then another lockdown came and you had to return home four days early, but it couldn't be helped, your parents sent you packing not wanting you to be stranded in France for months on end.

Henry had been too busy to come, saying he needed to stay home and sort out a few important things.

You'd been home just over a day and had noticed the house was different.

Well not the whole house, but there was no trace of any of your little things anymore.

Henry was busy running about the place chasing up phone calls and deliveries, he said he was late and still had too much to do and that he was sorry then locked himself in the office.

With brings you to now, alone confused and upset. So you decided to go and cuddle up in your nursery and wait out what ever had your daddy occupied.

Slowly you tip toed past the office hearing henry raise his voice growling a little.

You would have stopped and asked him if he was okay, but he got mad when you eavesdropped, it usually landed you on the naughty step.

You passed the office's cracked open door with ease, it'd be best to ask later. Besides the office wasn't a nice place, it was boring and you only ended up in there if you were bad and about to be spanked real bad! Its where your cane lived.

You scrunched your nose as you got closer to the nursery, the smell of paint and sawdust filling your nose. It was an awful stink!

Still you pressed forward stepping into the room.

You froze and suddenly felt sick to your stomach.

The room was bare, your toys and stuffies all packed in boxes in the corner.

Your crib was gone, the blanket fort, changing table everything!

The walls were now a pale seafoam green with sea otter stickers on them, tall seaweed stickers dotted about the room.

This wasn't your room! This wasn't your nursey!

You gasped panicking looking around feeling your tummy drop and twist, a lump in your throat.

They pink princess blinds gone, your drawings no where to be found.

There was nothing of yours in here! Nothing at all.

You crumpled to the floor as you spied the wall that once held your name in cute cursive stickers on it. They too were gone, removed and the wall painted over.

You shook your head trembling, you hadn't come in here yesterday, you'd come home and gone straight to bed you were tired it'd been hell getting home.

You stepped backwards out of the forign room on the verge of tears.

You sniffled rubbing your eyes and padded down the hall again unsure what all this meant.

"Yes... Yes I know-No of course I haven't told her!.... Yes I know change is hard for littles but she'll be okay, once I explain things she will be fine, she's a tough cookie" henry huffed down the phone irritated. You crept closer to the door and listened closer, perhaps spying with once will help reassure you. Because this must be a misunderstanding.

"yes well I want to move on, everytime I go in there... Its not her room never has been they are two completely different littles both in age and personality, I didn't- I never changed it until now... Honestly I'm sick of the sight of it, we all need a fresh start once in a while" henry explained with a sharp bite to his words.

You froze on the spot, two different littles? He had two? You didn't know that.

Your heart pulled painfully in your chest as you got an image of a faceless yet beautiful 'proper little' who liked nappies and bottles!

You bit your lip and shifted trying to hear more clearly, because this didn't seem right, you couldn't belive

"I was hoping to have it done before she got back and sort of ease her into it on the way home but then the lockdown.... Yes well I just think of this as a new start- like having a brand new little... I'm excited to begin again! This time its for real and I'm pouring everything I can into it..."

"I really do love her, so so much and this is it for me. I've tried so hard to make this happen but now.. I don't want to upset her but we need this, its been a year now and.. I don't know maybe I'm selfish but I want this to be my littles room, my true little girls home you know? Not the other one"

"so do you think it'll be here today? I'll send y/n out with Kal when you bring it round, no point having a little misunderstanding before i can explain things properly, yes okay.. Okay i will see you this afternoon, bye"

You covered your mouth at the way his voice picked up, he was happy... And he was replacing you.

You jumped up running down the hall trying not to let him hear you crying.

You found yourself in the closet sobbing your heart out cursing him as you curled up in the corner shutting the door behind you with a loud slam.

Not that you cared, you were far to upset, slowly pawing at your clothes tugging them off the hangers.

You watched through blurry eyes as your hands tugged and bundled the clothes wiping your face on them as you tried to pull yourself together and pack your stuff knowing you would be sent on your way very soon.

You bawling was halted as the closet door was ripped open a panicked henry standing there panting, clearly he had been running.

"oh-god baby what's wrong?! What's happened princess-"

"NO! NO YOU DON'T- LE-LEAVE ME ALONE!" you shouted at him sobbing your heart out.

Henry frowned at your anger and despair. Then crouched down in front of you.

"baby what's wrong love? I got here as fast as I could- are you hurt? Why are you so upset babygirl?" he pleaded wide worried eyes looking you over trying to see what had made you cry so bad.

"N-NO YOU JUST-FUCK OFF YOUR NOT MY DADDY! YOUR NO'MY DADDY! YOUR A LIAR AND BAD-IM GOING HOME- GONNA GO TO FRANC WITH MUMMAND DAD AND-AND LIVE IN A CATLE AND FIND A REAL PRNCE-" you screamed at him sobbing louder.

Henry frowned and tried you coax you out of the closet unsure what the hell had gotten into you, it wasn't like you to throw such a tantrum.

"hey nugget that's not very nice baby, here come here and lets talk-" he spoke hurt and upset as his hands moved to tug you out of the closet.

You growled and snapped your teeth at him and began smacking him aiming for his, hands face, legs anything you could reach wanting him to leave you alone.

"HEY! Whoa what the hell is wrong with you young lady? Now you get your butt out here now!" henry snapped managing to capture your wrists and tug you out of the closet as you screamed and thrashed.

"NOOO NO NO YOUR NOT MY DADDY! YOU-R NO'm-my daddy your not!" you shouting became a broken sobs as henry picked you up and laid on the bed with you tucking you into his body wrapping himself around you.

You stayed like that crying into the pillow tugging every so often trying to free yourself from him.

"now do you want to explain where all this is coming from?" he asked getting upset with you as you wouldn't explain what was going on instead you just cried harder.

After a few more minuets of henry shushing you and kissing your head you calmed enough to start explaining.

"y-you don't wan'me!" you muttered as you wept still unable to fully stop your crying.

"wh-what?! Oh baby what do you mean I don't want you? I love you!" he implored quickly unsure where this was

"liar, you said- to the man that your movin' on and stratin'gain an- an my room! Daddy my stuffs gone! And and-lemme go! Your not-your mean!" you whimpered before getting all worked up again choking on your own sobs and began fussing again trying to get away once more.

"alright alright now that's enough. You silly girl were you eavesdropping again little one? This is why daddy has told you not to eavesdrop! You only heard half of the conversation-" he began scolding quietly realising what had happened.

"i heard 'nouhg" you cut him off snidely

"you heard nothing, you silly girl. Daddy isn't getting rid of you, or your things- well not everything" he huffed having just about enough of this tantrum already.

"I'm redecorating your nursery for you. I'm ridding the house of my old little! Dumping all her furniture and getting you your own customised stuff" he said makeing you pause and rub your eyes craning your head to look back at him.

"wh-wha?"

Henry sighed and gave you a pointed look.

"see you might think you heard enough but you didn't, daddy in making a cute little seaside nursery, that why their are sea otters on your wall, their your favourite animal aren't they?." he chided speaking slowly to be sure you were listening.

"w-well yeah b-but my names gone?" you blubbered quietly starting to feel silly for your out burst.

"because daddy was painting the walls poppet and your names on your new crib that's coming today, this was a surprize for when you come home from France... Your own brand new nursery for a toddling little, not a baby-baby..." he hummed softly kissing your shoulders.

You sniffled and mewled before quickly spinning around to face him and then began crying into him feeling guilty. He was doing something nice and you ruined it!

Henry chuckled but held you close hushing you sweetly pressing kisses to your head as he soothed you.

"here come with me" he urged standing picking you up taking you into the office.

You squirmed and clutched at him tightly worried he was gonna spank you for being naughty, eavesdropping, hitting, biting swearing and batting? That was quite a tally.

Instead henry sat on the chair and logged into the computer.

"here see? This it yours and coming today" he said motioning to the screen showing an incredibly beautiful lightwood crib your name carved into the head and foot board with tiny wave detailing and a small pattern of shells on the rim.

"see, your my true little and as such daddy wants to make it official by making you your very own sea side themed nursery, with new toys and furniture and blankie! Starting fresh this time with everything all centred around my perfect little one!" he hummed kissing your head as you sniffled and panted.

"s-so your not- gettin' rid of me?" you whimpered looking to your lap.

"god no! We're getting married! Your my babygirl and I'm your daddy! I'll always be your daddy... I'm sorry to have scared you poppet, i just wanted to surprize you but.. I should of warned you shouldn't I?" henry sighed twisting you in his lap and snuggling you.

"n-no i should've asked and not been bad daddy... Sorry... You can spank me for bein' bad"

"... Although you do deserve a spanking for spying and bratting... Daddy will make you a deal, you help me finish your nursery and I will ignore your naughtiness." he offered holding out a pinky to you.

"r-really i can help?" you asked quietly twiddling your fingers shyly feeling more and more guilty for your behaviour as the seconds ticked by.

"yes poppet, you can help"  he said rubbing your back with a little chuckle as you leant into him.

"and no spankin'?" you asked slowly

"not unless you want one to make you feel better" he agreed, but he knew sometimes you didn't want to be let off, sometimes you were to upset with yourself and wanted him to correct you.

"No.. I don't want a spankin daddy.." you said warily glancing at the small space behind the large money tree, the plant hiding your cane just out of view.

"okay then it's a deal, no spankings in return of some hard labour!" he teased and hooked his pinkie around yours making it a real deal then kissed you and squeezed you tight groaning.

"such a silly nugget, you should know by now daddy loves you too much to ever leave you, noone-absolutely no one can ever make me as happy as you!" he assured you feeling a lump form in his throat, he couldn't wait until you were married, then maybe you'd stop all your worrying, you seemed to have this strange idea that you wasn't good enough. Or little enough.

You liked cribs and sippy's and pacies occasionally bottles- when you were ill mostly but not nappies or that type of care. You were a three to four.

"i love you daddy, you are my daddy... I was mad" you anounced quietly nibbling your fingers shyly almost using them to hide behind.

"i know baby, but thank you it means the world to hear you say that, now lets go make some lunch then make a start- we have to stain the skirting board on the back wall before your crib gats here" he said standing up with you setting you on his hip and began moveing though the house.

You rested your face in his neck breathing him in, that had been the most terrifying moment you'd had in this relationship! The thought of him leaving you after you sharing so much with him was your worst nightmare.

All you could say was that from now on, you really wasn't going to eavesdrop anymore. If you had questions you would ask instead to avoid things like this in the future.

[too-gay-for-marvel]

it started slow

a/n: im alive! for now! im getting my shit together again so i SHOULD be a little more regular with my writing inshallah. also, i think at this point yall should know that if you send a request, theres a 90% chance itll turn into a oneshot and,,,,,, im not sorry 🤷🏻‍♀️

Request:  Bonjour, love I was wondering if you can do a Natasha X reader, where they get into a big fight because Nat has been spending more time with Carol, And after their fight the reader leaves, and Natasha's mad but Carol tells her that she has been spending way to much time with her. But can it have a good ending. Thank you

Word Count: 2231

Warnings: none

Pairing: Natasha x Reader

It started off with training.

Everyone trained with each other, it was nothing new. Sometimes you would train with Nat and sometimes you wouldn’t, it was just the luck of the draw. It wouldn’t hurt your feelings because at the end of the day, you were still a professional. Maybe you preferred training with Nat, but you weren’t unreasonable.

But the amount of times Nat “happened” to get paired with Carol for training was suspicious.

You had brought it up to her one night at dinner. Just a simple “you’ve been training with Carol a lot lately.” You weren’t trying to stir shit, but maybe you had sounded a little too accusing. But Nat just brushed it off, said it was on Fury’s orders. And who were you to argue against Fury? So what if Nat was training with Carol every morning, maybe it was for the best.

Then it carried on into the afternoons.

You would never tell Nat not to hang out with other people. Past experience had led you down that rabbit hole and there was no way on hell you would do that to someone else. Besides, you were ecstatic that Nat had other people to hang out with because she needed some fun in her life.

So Nat would end up going to lunch with Carol almost every other day, and you would send Nat a quick smile and tell her to have fun. Maybe those lunches went long sometimes and you wouldn’t see Nat again until the evenings. It was fine. It just meant she was having fun, right? Sure, it was taking away some of the only free time you two had, but it was fine.

But then it continued into the evenings and that was the last straw.

Sometimes Nat wouldn’t come back until ungodly hours of the night, or she wouldn’t even come back at all. You weren’t going to accuse her of cheating because, first and foremost, you trusted her with everything in your being. But it still hurt that she was spending her rare free time with someone that wasn’t you.

Now, you didn’t think yourself an unreasonable person. You didn’t think yourself a controlling person either. All of you had jobs to do, and if you weren’t a cohesive unit then things were going to go wrong. That was how the job had always been, and it wouldn’t change. That being said, you didn’t think it was such an awful thing to miss your girlfriend.

So when Nat came home at 3:34am (because you were both supposed to have a night in), you weren’t in the mood to compromise.

“It’s late,” Nat had said when she noticed you sitting at the kitchen table, four empty coffee cups scattered around you and another in your hands.

“Wasn’t sure you’d noticed,” you said, barely louder than a whisper.

“Why are you still up?” Nat asked as she took her boots off and hung up her coat. Like she hadn’t been gone all day and missed another date night.

“I was supposed to have a movie night with my girlfriend,” you said a little louder, “maybe you know where she was.”

Nat froze for the smallest fraction of a moment. If you hadn’t known her for as long as you had, you wouldn’t have even noticed it. Maybe you shouldn’t have noticed it. You should have just ignored it and let Nat lie her way out of whatever was going on because it would be easier. And just as quickly as it had happened, it ended.

“She was with Carol,” she said simply before leaning against the counter that she had moved to.

“What a surprise.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re always with Carol.”

“I am not,” Nat defended, and you could see the defiance in her eyes. The belief that she was right and there was no possibility of her being wrong. A look you absolutely adored when it wasn’t directed at you.

You didn’t want to get mad. Your whole life had consisted of keeping your cool in these tense moments. It should have been easy to stay calm under pressure. But the way Nat stood with her arms crossed defensively over her chest and the way she tried to appear nonchalant in her stance pissed you off. How could she not see it?

Did she think you were blind?

“When was the last time we had a lunch date?” You asked with a raised brow.

“Last week,” Nat shrugged.

“Two months ago,” you corrected.

“Then I’ll take you tomorrow.”

“I’m going on a mission tomorrow,” you shot back, your voice raised just enough to send a message. “You would know if you weren’t always with Carol.”

“What do you have against her?”

“Nothing!” You finally shouted as you shoved your chair back and stood up. “I have nothing against Carol! You deserve friends and people that love to spend time with you! But I have everything against you treating me like your second choice.”

Nat opened her mouth to argue, but you shot her a look that shut her up.

“I don’t care how often you hang out with friends, because it’s important,” you reiterated, “but I will not be second best in my own goddamn relationship.”

Nat continued to stare with that unreadable expression that you still had yet to understand. And it didn’t make you mad like you thought it would, no. No, actually, it made you sad. Sad because after telling your girlfriend that you felt like second best, she had nothing to say. She didn’t bat an eye.

And you couldn’t argue with that, could you?

No, you couldn’t. So you walked past Nat, grabbed your coat and keys, and left.

----------

Natasha didn’t move from her spot for almost 10 minutes after you left the Compound apartment. She hadn’t considered it “storming out,” but you had certainly left in a hurry. And right after you had shut the door the gears in her brain had started turning. You were wrong, she hadn’t treated you as second best.

Right?

No, of course she hadn’t.

Had she?

With a frustrated sigh, Natasha turned and grabbed her coat and left, making her way to the gym. If the past had taught her anything, Carol would still be there. Which would be great because then they could work out some anger and maybe even get a bit of advice. Not that Carol was good with relationship advice, but who else could Natasha ask?

I don’t treat you as second best, we do things all the time, Natasha thought as she walked down the sidewalk, hands shoved into the pockets of her coat.

I always come home to you, isn’t that enough? She crossed the street without looking, knowing that the cars would screech to a halt if need be.

There’s no way it’s been two months since our last lunch date. The coffee shop you both frequented passed by without so much as a glance from Natasha.

If I really treated you so bad, why didn’t you tell me sooner?

The doors to the gym posed no obstacle as Natasha shouldered them open and trudged inside. She had started the walk with a mission, a dedication to work out her frustration, but now that she had made it to her destination… now her chest felt constricted.

“Didn’t you go home?”

Natasha looked up from the hole she had subconsciously been staring into the floor and saw Carol wiping the nonexistent sweat from her neck. She had been training with Danvers long enough to know it was almost impossible for her to sweat. Damn enhancements.

“Had too much energy,” Natasha said as she shrugged her coat off and dropped it onto a bench.

“You sure?” Carol asked, an uncharacteristic uncertainty in her voice. But Natasha still didn’t turn around and instead worked on wrapping her wrists.

“Absolutely. On the mat, Danvers.”

She didn’t look up, knowing that Carol would meet her on the mat even if she wasn’t really sure about it. But they both met in the middle and Natasha finally looked up to see a look in Carol’s eyes. A look that Natasha knew meant Carol was not happy with her. But she knew there was no chance she would actually be called out on it.

With that being said, the both of them started sparring.

Something was off with the way Carol was fighting though, and no matter how much Natasha goaded her, it didn��t change. All she wanted was to get hit so hard that she could try to make sense of what you had said to her earlier. Maybe if Carol knocked her senseless then your argument would be logical.

“Nat,” Carol said after a lull, “go home.”

“A few more rounds,” Natasha shrugged before going at Carol again.

Only Carol took it seriously this time.

Now, Natasha was a master at hand-to-hand combat, there was no question about it. But when compared to the power of an infinity stone? It wasn’t fair; still surprising though. So when Natasha was slammed down onto the mat with Carol’s knee pressing against her chest, she was shocked.

And pissed.

“The fuck, Danvers?”

“You’re never home anymore,” Carol accused as she leaned down to be closer to Natasha’s face. “Go home.”

“It’s fine,” she shot back before trying to push Carol’s knee off. But she wasn’t kidding around and was using all her power to force Natasha to listen.

“When was the last time you took Y/N on a date?”

“None of your business,” Natasha said, but her heart started racing at the question.

“You’re always with me,” Carol accused again. “You need to go home.”

“Y/N’s not even at home,” Natasha admitted, shocking the both of them. “So what’s the point?”

The look Carol gave her was almost insulting. But she removed her knee nonetheless and helped her up to her feet. And the look she continued to receive forced Natasha to face things she didn’t want to because if Carol was giving her that look, then the odds of Natasha being wrong were… pretty high.

“Go home and wait,” Carol said with a pitied smile. “Trust me.”

And with that, Carol left. Didn’t even wait for Natasha to give confirmation that she would listen to the advice, but she didn’t need to. They both knew Natasha would listen because, if she were being honest with herself, Carol had managed to stay with Maria for years.

Maybe the air force had been good for something.

----------

It was weird to come home after so long apart. You and Nat would separate because of missions, obviously, but this… this was different. You hadn’t parted with a kiss and a warning to be careful. It was silence and fear and frustration all balled up in your stomach, and the distance had only made it worse.

You shouldn’t have been gone for so long, but you were too upset. Right after you had left and gotten back from your mission, you had called Fury to tell him you would be gone for a few weeks and that you needed space. Of course he had listened, but part of you had wished he would have made you stay. If you had stayed, you would have been able to force Nat to talk to you.

Because she was wrong and she needed to know, her pride be damned.

But after five weeks of a mission and cooling off, no one had called and instead of giving you time to calm down, it just made you more upset. So that was what led to you putting your key in the lock to your apartment once again. Part of you hoped Nat was in there.

The other part hoped she wasn’t.

“Oh thank god.”

A pair of arms wrapped around your waist the moment you opened the apartment door. The force of the collision was almost enough to knock you off your feet, but you managed to keep your footing. And just like that, with those familiar arms wrapped around you, your heart felt like it was home again.

“You were right,” Nat said quickly once you wrapped your arms around her shoulders in return. “You were right and I’m sorry.”

You pulled back just enough to be able to look her in the eyes. After so long together, you would know if she was telling the truth based on the look in her eyes. There was nothing but regret, sorrow, maybe a bit of fear. But most importantly, you saw truth.

“How long did it take you to admit that to yourself?” You asked her with a raised brow.

“I-,” she paused, her eyes flickering between yours. “A few hours.”

“That quickly?”

“Carol beat it into me,” Nat admitted, and your facade finally broke.

“You’re an idiot,” you chuckled before leaning down and leaving a light kiss on her lips.

“Your idiot,” she mumbled against your lips before moving forward for another kiss, this one deeper than the first.

You know you both needed to talk about it. A kiss and an “I’m sorry” wouldn’t be all it took, especially if there wasn’t a real understanding of what had gone wrong. But you could talk about it in the morning.

Right now, you needed to feel home again.

[yugyummygot7reactions]

Behind the Curtain - 7

| Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Epilogue |   

Updates are Sundays at 5pm PST! Next week is the end!!!

Characters: Jaebeom x You

Genre: Smut

Warning(s): Breath Play, Light Name Calling, Size kink? sort of not really

Word Count: 2,248

You were turning the final corner to your room when you slammed face first into a wall of a human. Im Jaebeom. 

“I’m sorry!” You said as you stood up and tried to catch your breath. “

My office.” He said as he walked past you, “NOW!!” 

Dealing with the situation inside of you would have to wait. It was time to face the fearsome leader.

He’s twice your size. Easily. He’s nearly a head taller than everyone but Yugyeom and is built with the shoulders of a linebacker. You fidget uncomfortably, wondering why your stomach insists on flipping like a gymnast at the Olympics. JB’s eyes settle on you, anger seething from them and for some reason you blush and quickly avert your gaze.

Jaebeom paces around the room while you just awkwardly stand there, waiting for whatever storm was about to come your way and his arms keep brushing yours as he paces. Whether it was accidental or not, it was sending shivers down your spine. He pushes a button on his desk and then finally stops to turn and face you.

“Did you know what was coming and not tell me?” He finally asked, his voice is loud in your ear, his head so close that you are occupying practically the same space in his large office. You have to fight the flush crawling up your neck having him this close. “The raid?” You ask innocently, “Why would I have known before you?” “That is the true question Y/N.” He paces again before pulling his face hairs away from yours, his eyes piercing your soul. “Why did you know before us? Are you involved?” “I didn’t know.” You said firmly, trying not to falter as your heartbeat began to race. He might seem soft to those who know him, but he isn’t the gang leader for nothing. “Ahhh…I thought we didn’t lie in this gang.” He said as he pulled back a little. “I’m not lying.” You try to convince him and a smirk overtakes his lips. “That’s impressive.” he says, taking a sip of the water you just now notice is on his desk. “You must practice a lot.” “Practice?” You asked, confused at the statement. “Yeah,” he says, slyly, “Practice keeping your life story straight, your lies straight, keeping us complacent with your nearly flawless work only to have it all come crashing down in the end.”

You were looking anywhere but him. If you make eye contact, you’ll die. Literally and metaphorically.

“Someone has to work hard to make a good girl out of you.”

His voice has dropped an octave with that comment. You feel it in your core, but have to remain calm and collected on the outside. Does that mean he is letting you live? That he has some kind of plan that will assure his victory?

“Sometimes you need direction to find your way back to where you belong, a heavy hand, maybe?” He asked as he began to come closer again. “Do you like it when someone’s strict with you? You seem to not tremble as much as I thought someone like you would.” “Someone like me?” You asked, swallowing harder than you meant to.

“A traitor.” His hand comes up—hot, searing fingertips ghost against your jaw before carefully sliding back so that his thumb hooks under your chin and the rest of his fingers can put heavy, pressure on your throat. His fingers span the entire width of your neck easily and the pressure on your windpipe quickly hits you. He leans down until his face is directly in front of yours again. You can feel your knees start trembling when you realize that your life is literally in his hand and he knows your secret. “I wish you would look me in the eyes instead of looking away all the time.” He tilts your head up, almost forcing your eyes to lock on to his. You stare fiercely, emboldened by his dare. You look at his lush eyelashes, his moles above his eye, the stubble he missed on his chin, the way his skin creases at his eyes. Most of all, you look down at his mouth—pink, soft lips that he wets with the tip of his tongue before he speaks. If this was the last thing you ever saw, you wouldn’t be too mad.

Jaebeom quickly swapped places with you and pushed you up against his desk. His one hand reaching your waist to hold you still. He squeezes, a fingertip ever so gently gliding under the waistband of your pants. It drives all of your blood south, making your clit throb against the seam of your pants. In the craziness of earlier with Jackson, your underwear had disappeared.

You yelp as JB releases your throat for a moment, grabs you around the middle and completely lifts off the ground with a pair of arms as immovable as iron shackles. You squirm, nearly managing a kick where it hurts the most, but you are pulled back tight against a warm, solid body.

“I kinda like you scared,” he counters, squeezing you. “seeing the look in a traitor’s eyes before death always gives me a rush.

“I’m not a trait-“

His hand is around your throat again in an instant. It makes your whole body dizzy, it makes you feel vulnerable as hell and you can’t help but want to melt into the arms of the man who is about to kill you. The weirdest thing is that you can breathe easily—his fingers only squeeze on the sides, effectively cutting off the blood flow to your brain, instead of your windpipe. He is trying to weaken you for information instead of just outright kill you and you realize just how skilled with his hands this man is. The effect is like a live wire to your cunt.

“Why is it you only listen when you have to be manhandled into it?”

He sets you down on your feet again and you gasp for air, the blood rushing back to your head. It sends a trickle up your spine.

His hand sneaks up your shirt to squeeze your breasts hard enough to make your whimper. “Gonna fucking devour these tits. If you’re going to lie, you’re going to die, and I might as well have some fun first.“

“Jaebeom,” you accidentally moan, sounding pretty needy.

He pulls back, wiping his mouth where spit has practically dribbled onto his chin from his forceful talking. It should be gross, but instead you want to lick him clean.

“Get on your knees, sweetheart.”

He pushes you down on the hard wood. “I always knew you were a little slut,” he mutters, undoing his belt. “Christ, the things I’ve thought about doing to you— and yet you went to everyone else but me for relief over the last few days.“ You watch his zipper with a concentration usually reserved for combat.

His cock springs out, hard and heavy under its own weight. It’s nearly as thick as your wrist.

“Fuck,” you whisper. It’s so much better than anyone else in the gang you had seen. You knew It was your last fuck and you couldn’t be happier it was with this dick.

“You’re going to suck me off until I come in that pretty little throat, right? You have to swallow, okay? Obey one last order before it’s time to go.”

You nod, entranced by the throbbing tip, where he’s leaking pearled drops of pre-cum.

You lean forward and lick the flat of your tongue up his shaft to taste him.

Immediately, he grabs a fistful of your hair, which normally you would break someone’s finger for, but you kind of like being held like this. It just shows his dominance and proves that no matter what, you can’t get away.

Your open your mouth and ease the entire head in as far as you comfortably can on the first try, but when you gag yourself a little, he makes sure to force himself in more, if only a notch deeper.

His cock suddenly jerks to draw your attention, tightening up a bit, as if trying to get harder than he already is. He begins moving your head back and forth and your jaw is already edging on its way to soreness, but somehow feeling the tip hit the back of your tongue, tasting each time more pre-come leaks out of him, feels good.

His breath becomes more labored as you suck on him more. You learned you love the way his chest heaves, the fabric of his shirt stretching across his pectoral muscles. If only you really were on his side, you both would make a great power couple both in and out of the bedroom.

One of his feet slide forward, settling between your thighs. “Good girls get to grind their pussy on my boot while they suck cock,” he growls. “I’m not even that cruel to deny someone release before their death.”

You moan around his length when your clit meets the friction of the shoe through your too thick pants. You roughly hump his leg and leave a clear puddle of evidence. Would he smell it tomorrow, your pussy on his clothes, and think of you on your knees? Crying with a cock between your lips? Would the raid happen as planned and he won’t even make it to tomorrow?

Suddenly his hips find the will to move urgently. His cock fills your throat up enough that you can’t breathe, the hand on the back of your head presses you further into the stretch, and you feel his cock push forward into your gag reflex.

You feel tears leak out of your eyes. It feels like you have been caught in a perpetual choke.

“Good girl,” he groans out. “Swallow. I want to feel it.”

Your mouth quivers. He seems too in control to come. That seems to be the theme with Im Jaebeom though, In control until the last moment.

He groans loudly, hips stuttering. “Feels so fucking good. Knew you could take the whole thing, my messy, drooling slut.”

He slides out and you launch into a coughing fit, doubling over. He gives you a second to catch your breath before tugging at your scalp again, pulling you back up on your knees. “I.. can’t.. take it, please, fucking do it already ...” you begged, not knowing at this point if you wanted him to just fuck you or kill you already. “Do what? “ he said coyly, as he slid your pants down and moved you up onto the desk, pushing his still hard tip slightly into your folds. “Kill you? No. you are too valuable for that. I need more details before you can have this suffering end. I know you aren’t on our side and that your ‘mother’ who you write to is actually your handler. I’m smarter than you clearly give me credit for.” With that, he lined himself up and quickly thrust himself into you. You couldn’t contain your loud gasp as his cock filled you up so quickly. The stretch was painfully blissful. Jaebeom began to pound into you, keeping up a consistent rhythm, hard and quick. He was going to fuck you silly so that he could get all of the information he needed. You were starting to lose focus, but you had to stay coherent. He slowed down as he felt himself come close to climaxing, his breathing becoming heavy again. “Tell me when the raid is.” He said as he slowed his pace, stopping your pleasure in its tracks. “No,” you panted, trying to keep your cool. His hands found your neck this time, cutting off airflow. “Tell. Me. Now.” His teeth were clenched and he was clearly ready for this game to be over. You shook your head as best you could. The lack of airflow and fullness of his cock inside of you was bringing you to your climax without him needing to move at all. You knew you wouldn’t last too much longer. You might even black out first. “TELL ME!!!” he screamed as he grabbed your neck tighter. Your orgasm hit you hard with his rush of anger and much to his surprise, the way you clenched around him caused his focus to slip and an orgasm hit him harder than he thought it could. He grip tightened again as he came, and before you could black out and accept your fate, the door to the office was kicked in and the special forces were there to save you. Jaebeom let go of you out of surprise and you fell to the ground coughing. The agency made it in the nick of time. “Who?” Is all you were asked by the lead; you recognized the voice as your former partner. “I’m glad you got my message to move up the raid. A second later and I would’ve been a goner.” You barely got the words out your throat was so sore.

“We can talk about that later. Who?” He asked again. “Mark, Bam Bam, Yugyeom.” You said, rubbing your neck to rid the feeling of JB’s hand trying to force the life out of you, still working on catching your breath. “What does that mean?” JB asked angrily as two men ran forward and restrained him. “Mark,” you stood up, “Bam Bam,” you fixed your pants, “and Yugyeom.” You took a gun from your former partner put it right between Jaebeom’s eyes. You heard the agency spread the word on who to save while you quickly removed the safety from the weapon. “I’m glad I was able to let you cum one last time before the end.” You smirked. “I’m not even that cruel to deny someone release before their death.”

You pulled the trigger.

_______________________________________________________________________

Hello My Lovelies!!

So that was the last smut chapter!!! What did you think??

Were you surprised on who was light or dark?

Let me know!!! Epilogue is coming next week.

Until Next Time,

~LoLo

[thewalkingdead-fan101]

In this hell Daryl Dixon X Reader part 1/??

Hey guys! This is my first ever story that I have published/ might ever publish? This story Is following the survivors from season one, and the reader of course. 

I do apologise in advance if its not the greatest, but I hope you guys like it :)

Warnings- Talk of Abuse, Abuse, Swearing, Blood, Gore (its the walking dead so I Guess that's a part of it :))

It has been two months now... Two months since the world had gone to shit, two months since my brother Shane kicked down my door and shoved me into a car with a woman who would turn out to be my best friend and her son who was like a nephew to me.

Since the outbreak had hit, we have found other survivors, now we are a group. We work together to continue to live to continue to exist.

I never thought that I’d be in this predicament. I laugh out of spite as I look down at the two little sticks in my hand, two blue lines on one and a plus on the other.

I hear a twig snap and turn around to see a walker snarling and slowly stumbling my way.

Shoving the tests into my jacket pocket, and wipe my tears before walking towards it. The snarls get louder and greedier as I get closer.

“Oh shut up.” I say as I kick the walker in the stomach and watch it fall down, stomping on its head, hearing the crunch of it’s skull between the earth and my boot. The sound making me sick.

The walk back to camp was quiet, all I could hear was the crunch of fallen leaves under my shoes.

My mind was wandering.

How could I let this happen? How stupid could i be? It’s the fucking apocalypse! In what way is this okay?!

I see the RV and Dale standing up top, keeping watch as he was when I left. His attention snapped towards me as I walked out of the tree-line.

“Hey Dale, it’s just me.” “I was wondering where you ran off to.” “Just went for a little stroll. I ran into a walker, about 5 clicks south east.” “What?! Are you okay?” “I’m fine Dale, I put it down. They seem to be getting closer.” “We will keep an eye on it. You’ll have to tell Shane.” “I will, do you know where he is?” “He went down to the quarry to get water.” “Okay, I’ll y’all to him when he gets back, do you know where Lori is?” “I don’t, try her tent though.” “Will do, thanks Dale.”

I made my way through the camp and around the fire pit. I found myself standing outside of the blue and cream coloured tent and took a deep breath.

"Lori?" I heard a rustle and the door was pulled aside, revealing her familiar brown eyes.

"Oh, hey sweetheart, come in." She smiled "Where's Carl?" I asked. "He is with Sophia and Carol, I just finished cutting his hair. Why?"

I softly smiled, then the tears started flowing. Lori ran over and hugged me, sitting us both down on her cot. "Shhh,  honey what's wrong?" She asked rubbing soft circles on my back. “Lori, I messed up.” I said between sniffles. “What? What do you mean?”

I stood up and paced before her. I could feel her eyes on me.

“(Y/n) you’re worrying me, what’s going on?”

I reached into my pocket and handed her the two tests. The silence was deafening, it felt like hours until Lori spoke up.

“How?” “I don’t know. I made sure we used protection, and we always do.” “What made you suspect this?” “I’ve been feeling off, not to mention I’m late. I’ve never been late.” “How are you feeling?” “All I want to do is cry. I’m terrified.” I softly cried. “Come here.”

She opened her arms and pulled me close, softy rocking me.

“You’ll be okay, it’s all going to be okay.” “What if it’s not?” “What’s done is done. There’s no point in thinking the worst. You have to be positive. You have to deal with this now.”

I sat quietly with her, so many thoughts rushing through my head.

“I didn’t know you were seeing anyone.” She softly joked. “It’s Daryl’s isn’t it?” I nodded my head and laid back. “How’d you know?” “I’ve noticed small changes lately between the two of you.” “What do you mean?” “If anyone goes near you or gets too close he glares.” “That’s just him.” “No honey..You need to tell him.” “I know, I just don’t want him to hate me.” “Oh honey..." She sighed. "I-I don't know what to do.." "Just tell him, it’s never an easy thing to do.” "I know.” “And you have to tell Shane.” “I almost forgot about Shane for a minute.” “Don’t tell him that. I don’t know how his ego would take it.”

We both laughed.

“Thank you.” “What for honey?” “The advice, listening.” “Look, im here for you. Your family now.” “Thank you." I hugged her. “I remember telling Rick I was Pregnant with Carl. I was worried for nothing.” "How did he die?" "Rick?" I nodded. "He was shot on duty, Shane was with him when it happened. He was comatose when everything happened. Shane went to get Rick before he came and got us and he was gone.” "I'm so sorry Lori." I whispered hugging her once more. "It's ok." She smiled weakly.

We were both startled by the sound of a blaring car alarm.

"What is that?" I asked "I don't know, let's go and see." We ran outside and to the R.V. "Dale! What is that?!"I yelled up to him. "A stolen car Is my guess." He answered

I nodded and looked towards where the source of the noise was coming from. It was a red Dodge Challenger that pulled up, only for Glenn to jump out, smiling as if he had just won the lottery.

"Holy crap, turn that damn thing off!" "I don't know how!" "Pop the hood, please." "My sister, Andrea" Amy began "Pop the damn hood!" "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!" "Is she alright?" "Yeah, yeah, she's ok, she's ok!" "Why aren't they with you?" I asked "Why isn't she with you? Where is she?" "She's ok?" "Yes! Yeah fine, everybody is..well Merle, not so much..." "Are you crazy? Driving this squealing bastard up here? You trying to draw every walker for miles?" Shane snapped. "Shane.." I tried "I think we're ok." Dale said "You call being stupid ok?" He asked dale in disbelief. "The alarm was echoing all over these hills. It'd be hard to pinpoint the source....." Shane glared at him. "I'm not arguing, I'm just saying.. And It wouldn't hurt you to think more carefully next time, would it?" He scolded Glenn. "Sorry...got a cool car" he smiled sheepishly. A truck pulled up behind the car. And everyone got out.

"Amy" "Andrea!" Amy sobbed as they ran to each other and hugging as if they were dying tomorrow. "Papa! Daddy!" Morales's kids ran up to him as did his wife. I looked at Lori who was now with Carl talking to him, tears in both of their eyes . "You are a welcome sight" dale laughed hugging morales. "I thought we had lost you folks for sure!" He exclaimed. "How did y'all get out of there anyway?" Shane asked. "A new guy.. He got us out." Glenn said. "What do you mean new guy?" I asked "New guy?" Shane asked "Yeah, crazy vato just got into town.." Morales said. "Hey, helicopter boy! Come say hello." He called out to the truck. A man dressed in a police uniform emerged. "The guys a cop, just like you.."

I looked at Shane's face and he looked stunned.

Carl had ran past me and Lori following in pursuit. The man started to cry and he ran to Carl. "Dad! Dad!" They all hugged sobbing.

I started to cry, for the reunion of a family, that was thought to be impossible.

Later on that night I was lying on my cot, staring at the tarp. My tent door opened and Shane put his head  in. "Come on. Foods getting cold." "I'm not hungry." I sighed. "What? You're always hungry." He laughed. "Shut up." I smiled and smacked his arm.

I sat up making room for him to sit next to me. "Any way what's up. You seem different. More weird.” He asked sitting with me. “So, I need you to Promise me that you won't be mad.” "What’s going on?” “Shane.” “Okay, I promise?" He asked. "Shane... I'm scared" "What why? Walkers can't come near us.." "They’re getting close though, I ran into one earlier today. I’m okay, I wasn’t hurt. But It's not that." He nodded. "I’ll do another perimeter check first thing in the morning. What is it? "I'm pregnant." I blurted out. He tensed up. "Shane." "No... Just be quiet.." He whispered. "You promi-“ "I don’t care. I’m mad. You're 18! So who is it? Please don't be Glenn."

I shook my head.

"Ok please be Glenn." “It’s not Glenn.” He sighed. “By the way im 22.” “Still too young.” “Shane-“ “Who is the father?” “Look it’s not a big-“ “I’m only asking you one more time, before I go out and ask everyone in the camp if they’ve slept with you.” “Daryl.” I sighed softly. “I can’t hear you.” “Daryl is.” I said more confident. “Are you kidding?” “What? no.” “When did this start?” “Shane, I-“ “When did this start?” He asked raising his voice slightly. “About 6 weeks.” “How?” “What?” “How did it start?” “Shane this isn’t any of your business.” “It’s is. How did it start?” “Merle was being a creep and Daryl told him to leave me alone and then he and I started talking. He is really sweet.” “He isn’t-“ “Shane, shut up. You asked and I’m telling you. Anyway. The next day was the same as every other day. Daryl being Daryl and keeping to himself, I tried to talk to him and he was weary. After a week he was a little more talkative and then one night we ran into each other and one thing led to another. For a while there it was only hook ups, and then after a few weeks we connected. He still is weary and doesn’t really talk much.” "(Y/n)! he is like twice your age!" "Not even." "I don't care" “How is this any different than you and mrs Cooper?” He stayed silent.

"Just please Shane.. Don't do anything.." "I don’t like this.." “You don’t have to. Can I show you something?" "I guess..." I stood up and grabbed my jacket, bringing out the two tests. "Is that?" “Yeah, I didn’t want to just ‘guess’ I was pregnant.” "Wow..how far along do you think?" "3 or 4 weeks." I said. "Who knows?" "Only you and Lori..." “I’m not happy with this, but I love you. And if this is what you want I can’t stand in your way. Make sure you eat.”

Shane left the tent and I laid back down. After about an hour of hearing thunder rumbling I fell asleep.

I woke up, and I watched the shadow of the leaves dancing in the wind on the roof of my tent above me. Sighing, I sit up and stretch. I pull on my worn jeans and slip my boots on over my socks.

Walking out of the tent and looking around everyone else seemed to be awake, Rick was the only one asleep... I don't blame him "Hello (Y/N) ." "Morning Dale." I smiled. I climbed atop the R.v. He looked over and smiled. “Sleep well? We missed you at dinner last night.” “Yeah, I wasn’t really hungry.” “Whatever you and Shane spoke about last night he was a bit hot headed when he returned to the fire.” “Yeah. I wouldn’t doubt it. We got into an argument.” “Are you okay?” “Yeah I’m good.” “As long as you’re alright.” I smiled. “Hey Dale.” "Yeah?" "I can trust you with anything right?" "Yeah.. Why?" “I want you to know because you’re really important to me.” “Go on” "I'm pregnant." "What was that?” "I'm pregnant, Roughly 3-4 weeks. I’m telling you because i respect you a lot and you’re a father figure to me. Thank you.” “You’re pregnant? That’s great! I mean it’s not the greatest timing but a baby is a blessing.” “Really?” “Yes! Irva and I were going to have a baby. We lost it though. Didn’t want to try again.” “I’m so sorry you went through that Dale.” “I just want to say thank you for trusting me enough to tell me, your secret is safe with me.”

We shared a quick hug before I walked towards the ladder. "I should probably start getting things ready." "Don't do anything too exhausting." He smiled. "I'll try" I laughed.

Once I touched the ground I walked over towards Carol. "Hey honey." She smiled at me, the faint outlines of bruises on her arms. I smiled softly back. "Hey Carol..do you need any help?" "Sure honey." She smiled I grabbed one of the baskets and started to hang up clothing. After about half an hour Rick emerged from the Grimes’ tent. We all greeted him. "They're still a little damp. But the sun'll have them dry in no time." Carol said to him. "You washed my clothes?" "Well, best we could, scrubbing on a washboard ain't half as good as my old Maytag back home." "Yeah or the laundromats" I said softly, making Carol laugh and Rick smile. "That's very kind. Thank you."

I finished up with the laundry and walked over to where Glenn was standing watching his precious car get torn up. "It's a shame... I'd love to have that car." I said aloud. "It's nice isn't it?" "Yeah." I smiled. Shane came back in the jeep with the huge containers of water. He got out. "Water's here y'all, just a reminder to boil before use." He yelled out.

It wasn’t long until we heard a scream. "Mom!" "Carl?" "Dad!" We all ran towards the screaming. "Baby!" "Mom!" "Mommy!" "Rick!" Morales threw rick a weapon as we all made our way through the trees. "Carl!" "Carl!" "Mom!" "Carl! Baby!" "Mom!" "I've got him, I've got him." Lori hugged Carl. And Sophia hugged Carol. I followed behind the guys and saw a walker eating a deer.

Amy and Andrea both stood next to me. I've grown close to everyone in the group, well with the exception of Ed... And I've been accepting Merle.

All of the guys started to bash the hell out of the walker. Amy and Andrea hugged each other. When finally the head came off. "It's the first one we've had up here. The first one this close. They never come this far up the mountain." Dale said. "Well, they're running out of food in the city, that's what." Jim said A branch snapped and everyone was alert. "Oh Jesus." Dale sighed. "Son of a bitch... That's my deer!" I heard the familiar voice of Daryl call out. I tensed up and smiled.

"Look at it, all gnawed on by this... Filthy, disease bearing, motherless poxy bastard!" He exclaimed kicking its body. "Calm down, son. That's not helping." Dale interrupted "What do you know about it old man?, why don't you take that stupid hat and go back to On Golden Pond?" Daryl then sighed. "I've been tracking this deer for miles." He said pulling out every arrow. "I was gonna drag it back to camp, cook us up some venison., do you think we could cut around this chewed up part right here?" "I would not risk that." "That's a damn shame, well, I got some squirrel, about a dozen or so. That'll have to do."

The smell of the walker was travelling to my nostril and I started to feel nauseous. The decapitated head started to move, Turning around i ran to the closest shrub, collapsing to my knees and vomiting. "Oh my god.." I heard Amy say behind me. "Come on people, what the hell?" Daryl asked using an arrow on its head.

I felt some one up behind me holding my hair back and rubbing my back. "Sweetie it's ok, let it all out." Lori soothed. It just kept coming and coming. By now everyone was around me. "What's wrong? Ain't ever seen a walker die before?" Daryl sneered. "Are you ok?" Amy asked. "What happened to her?" After a few minutes it was safe to get up. I wiped my mouth. "Sorry." I managed to get out. "It's ok, but are you?" Andrea asked.

All of the men left leaving just me, Lori, Amy, Andrea, Jacqui and carol, as well as Miranda. "Guys-." I looked over at Lori when she started to speak.

"(Y/n) is pregnant..." "I'm 3 or 4 weeks along." "I thought you were, I just didn't want to bring it up honey, you’ve got all the symptoms.." Carol sighed. "Oh my god, you're having a baby." Amy squeaked quietly. "Yeah." "Congratulations." They all said and hugged me. “This is crazy. You know that right?” Andrea asked “Yeah, can you guys please not say anything to anyone..." "We won't. " We walked back over and stood under the shelter of the R.V.

"Merle! Merle! Get your ugly ass out here! I got us some squirrel! Lets stew 'em up." "Daryl, just slow up a bit, I need to talk to you." Shane called. "About what?" "About Merle. There was a... There was a problem in Atlanta" "He dead?" "We're not sure." "He either is or he ain't!" "No easy way to say this, so, I'll just say it." Rick said "Who are you?" "Rick grimes" "Rick grimes, you got something you want to tell me?" "Your brother was a danger to us all, so I handcuffed him on a roof, hooked to a piece of metal. He's still there. "Hold on, let me process this. You're saying you hand cuffed my brother to a roof? And you left him there?!" "Yeah.” I knew what he was thinking so I pushed Rick out of the way as Daryl threw the chain of squirrels, hitting me with full force. Shane tackled him to the ground. Lori ran over to me as did Andrea and Amy, helping me and bringing me back to the R.v. "Are you ok?" Lori asked. I nodded my head watching Daryl. He pulled a knife out.

"Watch out for the knife." Rick pushed daryl back, getting Shane to put him into a head lock. "You'd best let me go!" "Nah, I think it's better if I don't." "Choke holding's illegal." "Yeah, you can file a complaint." Shane said not letting go. "Come on man, we'll keep this up all day." "I'd like to have a calm discussion on this topic. Do you think we can manage that?" Daryl glared at him. "Do you think we can manage that?" Rick asked once again. They let him go.

"What I did was not on a whim. Your brother does not work and play well with others." "It's not Rick’s fault." We all looked at T-dog. "I had the key, I dropped it." "You couldn't  pick it up?!" "Well I dropped it down a drain." "Dary-" "Just shut up!" "If its supposed to make me feel Better, it dont" "Maybe this will. Look, I chained the door to the roof, so the geeks couldn't Get at him, with a pad lock." "It's gotta count for something." "Daryl.." I tried "Not now!" He snapped. We were all silent. "Hell with all y'all!" He looked at Rick and then T-dog.

"Just tell me where he is, so I can go get him." "He'll show you, isn't that right." Lori said "I'm going back." Rick said making Lori go to Carl. After half an hour Rick was ready and he was having a  discussion with Shane. "I need to talk to you." I told him. "Not now." Daryl replied "Yes now!, I've been waiting to talk and now that you're leaving again I thought I should tell you." "I'm not interested in what ya have to say! I'm getting my brother back." "Thanks." I said with a scoff "Wh-" "Just go! Your brother is more important." I sighed walking away.

After another 10minutes they got in and left. "You didn't tell him did you?" I looked at Dale. "No, he didn't give me a chance." I sighed. "(Y/n)!, we need your help!" I saw the girls starting to take the washing down to quarry. "Duty calls." "Go ." He smiled at me.

I ran to catch up. I grabbed a basket and went down with them. Once we reached the quarry I saw Shane with Carl across with a net, Shane started yelling and splashing around  making Carl laugh. I was walking with Jacqui and Andrea with more clothes from Carols wagon to the water. "I'm beginning to question the division of labour here." Jacqui said. We continued to wash the clothes. "Can someone explain to me how the women wound up doing all the Hattie McDaniel work?" "The world ended. Didn't you get the memo?" Amy said making us giggle I looked to carol who looked over to Ed. "It's just the way it is" she said. "I do miss my Maytag.” Carol sighed. "I miss my Benz, my sat-nav" Andrea piped up "I miss my coffee maker, with that dual-drip filter and built-in grinder, honey." "I miss my computer, and texting." Amy sighed. "I miss hot water..." I stated. "We hear you honey." Jacqui said. "I miss my vibrator." Andrea confessed. "Oh!" Jacqui said. "Oh my god!" Amy laughed. "Me too" Carol said. Making us all laugh loudly. "What's so funny?" Ed asked "Just swapping war stories, Ed." "Yeah" "Problem, Ed?" "Not that concerns you" "And you ought to focus on your work. This ain't no comedy club." He said toward carol. "Ed, we’re just having a little laugh to brighten things up a bit, something you obviously don't know how to do." I said bitterly. "You shut your mouth." He said to me.

I turned around and continued washing. He stayed there for what felt like forever until Andrea spoke up. "Ed, tell you what... You don't like how your laundry is done, you are welcome to pitch in and do it yourself. Here." She threw it at him. And he threw it back. "Oh!" "Ain't my job missy." "Andrea don't." "No Andrea." I backed Amy up. "What is your job, ed? Sitting on your ass smoking cigarettes" "It sure as hell ain't listening to some uppity smart-mouthed bitch." "And ours isn't listening to a halfwit asshole such as your self." I answered him. "I've told you before shut up! Now come on let's go!" He said towards Carol. "I don't think she needs to go anywhere with you Ed." Andrea said to him. "It's none of your business, come on now, you heard me." "Carol." We all asked. "Andrea, please, it doesn't matter..." She said "Carol yes it does." "No honey" she whispered. "Hey don't think I won't knock you on your ass, just cos you are come college educated cooze, all right." He said to Andrea. "You'd have to get through me first." I warned. He looked at carol. "Now you come on now, or you gonna regret it later." He said to Carol. "So she can show up with fresh bruises later, Ed? Yeah we've seen them." Jacqui spoke up. "Stay out of this." He chuckled. "Now come on! You know what, this ain't none of y'all's business." "No, I've stayed outta this for too long, and now it is my business." I said. "You don't wanna keep prodding the bull here, ok? Now I am done talking, come on." He grabbed carol. "No, no carol, you don't" "You don't tell me what?! I’ll tell you what!" He slapped her and Andrea pushed him. His grip had tightened. All of us yelling at him. "Get off her!" "Come here! Come here!" He kept yelling. We finally got her away from him. "ED!" I yelled at him. He looked at me and I hit him square in the jaw. Making him slap me harder than he had hit Carol, I fell to the ground.

He was dragged away, and I saw Shane being the one who dragged him away. "Are you okay?" Amy asked. "I'm fine, look after carol." "Get off me!" Ed yelled at Shane. I looked over to see Shane throwing punch after punch. "Shane!" "Shane! Stop! Just stop!" "Shane!! Stop it!" "Stop!" He stopped. "You put up your hands on your wife, your little girl, my sister or anybody else in this camp I will not stop next time. Do you hear me? Do you hear me? I'll beat you to death ed!" Shane punched  him one last time. Carol ran to ed after and kept apologising.

"Are you sure you’re ok?" Jacqui and Amy asked. "I'm fine just a busted lip and bloody nose. I grew up with Shane, i’ll be fine." I said getting up.

We all packed up the things and Carol got Ed into the car, she drove him and the laundry up to camp, the rest of us decided to walk. "Thank you." Andrea spoke. "For what?" I asked. "For helping me stand up to him." "I actually can't believe you hit him." Amy laughed "I know.. Neither can I.” I laughed “I just hope that the baby is alright." Jacqui said looking down. "It'll be fine." We made it back to the camp after 10 minutes.

I made eye contact with Lori who rushed over as soon as she seen the blood. "What happened?!" "Lori! Calm down I copped a hit off of ed after he copped one off of me. It’s only a busted lip and a bloody nose." "He deserved it." "Shane almost killed him." "I wouldn't blame him." "Look I'm going to go and lie down, I'm tired." "Ok honey." "(Y/n)!" I looked over to Shane. "Are you ok?" "God! I'm fine." "Ok, just tell me other wise." "Will do!" I went to my tent and fell asleep. I woke up to Lori shaking me. "Dinner is ready." I nodded and sat up. "Sounds good, what are we having?" "Fish, Amy and Andrea caught them." "Ok, let's go." I smiled.

We walked towards the campfire and sat down. I ate some of my food and laughed along with everyone's jokes and their stories. "(Y/n), what was Shane like growing up?" Jacqui asked, "Here we go." Shane laughed. "He was the type of brother that would do anything for his little sister, including tea parties and dress ups, oh and the make-up and hair do's oh and this one -" "Ok enough of that." Shane cut me off. "I was going to say this one time I fell out of the tree in our backyard, I would’ve been about 12, I broke my arm and Shane was in the hospital with me, he bought me chocolates and balloons and a flower, that happened to be dead." Everyone awed. "And where do you think you're going?" Andrea asked Amy as Amy stood up. "I'm going to go and pee.. So much for being discreet around here." We all laughed. I started to play with my food, not feeling well, and the fact that daryl probably hates me right now. "(Y/n)?" "Huh? What?" I asked. "I said are you ok?" morales asked "Oh, I'm-"

I was cut off by a loud scream, both Andrea and I looked over to where Amy was, now being eaten alive by a walker. Everyone started running and yelling, grabbing weapons. Carl was with Lori, and Sophia with Carol. I grabbed my knife and started to help with killing the walkers. One was coming up behind Shane, so I ran up behind it and stabbed it with my knife. "(Y/n/n)! Get in the RV now!" Shane scolded. "No! Shane I am helping." I said killing another walker. "I am not risking your life! So get inside!" He stated killing one also. "No Shane! And that's final!" I said as I killed more and more walkers. I dropped my knife, a walker cornering me ,and everyone was pretty much out of ammo, when all of a sudden an arrow went through the walkers head, making it fall on me. I pushed it off of me. There were then gunshots and soon after the walkers were dead, I heard a snarl turning around, I seen one behind me, an arrow lodging itself through its eye, I stood frozen. I felt two hands on my shoulders. "Are you ok?" Daryl asked. I started to function properly again and I hugged him. “I needed you and you weren't here." I whispered "I was trying to get Merle.” "And how did that work out for you? I don’t see him anywhere!” I pushed him off me. “What is wrong with ya?” He snapped. I scoffed. “What is wrong with me? The group was just attacked and you went out on a rescue mission. I get that he is your brother, and I respect that. If it was Shane I would go back as well. Daryl we just lost our people.” “They might be your people, they sure as shit ain’t mine.” “Merle is a trigger happy idiot, he only cares for himself! He doesn't care for you!" "He is the only one that has ever cared for me he’s the only family i'll ever have!" He yelled. "You know what you're an ass!" I said pushing him backwards.
 I walked away, and I sat with Andrea who was sitting over Amy's body. "I'm so sorry." I whispered, rubbing circles on her back. "It's not your fault." "I'll give you some time. If you need me, im here.” "Thank you." She whispered hugging me.
 I got up and walked over to Shane. “You were an idiot out there! I told you to get to safety. What were you thinking?”
 “Shane, if I didn’t help, we could’ve lost a lot more of our people.”
 “I don’t care, we could’ve lost you.” "I know, but it should've been me not them, they were all good people Shane." "Don't say that." He scolded me as I hugged him. "They all were good people, we lost them, and If I lost my baby sister Id never." "What?" "Never be able to cope." "Shane?" "Yeah?" "You scared me the earlier today." "When?" "At the quarry." "I'm sorry." "I know."
He hugged me close as he looked around for anymore possible threats. 
After we were given the clear, we all sat down and grieved for our lost ones. After a few hours the sun was rising. I got up when I saw Daryl walking toward me. I tried to walk off when he grabbed my arm, pulling me over to him.
 "What's wrong with you Lately?” "Nothing that you can do about it anyway." "Honestly why are you being a bitch?" I know that what he said wasn't bad, but it hurt like hell, hormones of being pregnant I guess.
Normally I would take being called a bitch into my stride. I saw Jacqui looking at me, she started to walk over.

"Dixon, treat her with more respect! She doesn't deserve this." She said walking away with me. “Mind ya own business. Stuck up-”

Before I could process what was happening my hand collided with his face.
Everyone’s faces were shocked when I turned around. "I guess you and merle are more alike Thani thought Daryl." I said to him grabbing Jacqui's hand and walking away. "Why would you do that?" She asked. "Because you definitely don't deserve to be spoken to like that.” I looked back and saw him walking to help everyone else. "Sit down honey, we will do this." I nodded and sat down.

"Why do we all get stuck with doing work, you don't have to do anything?" Jim asked. "Jim, shut up" Shane snapped. He did as told and continued working. Lori came over to me and started talking.

"Still haven't told him yet?" "No." "Honey." "I know. It’s just hard." I looked over to where he was, angrily shoving the pick-axe into the dead skulls, to make sure, sweat on his forehead. “A walker got him!" Jacqui called out.
 I looked over to Jim and Jacqui, everyone rushing over to where they were. I pushed everyone out of the way and he held the shovel tighter to protect himself. Someone pushed me behind them protectively, coming face to face with a pair of angel wings. "Show us." Daryl said, still making sure I was there.
After a minute of arguing Shane ripped Jim's shirt up, revealing the gruesome bite. Lori sat down with Jim as the rest of us moved away and started talking.
 "We should put a pick-axe through his skull and the dead girls and be done with it." Daryl stated. "For the love of god, the mans still alive." T-dog whispered. "Only a matter of time." Daryl replied loudly, making  us look at Jim. "How long does it have to kill you?" Glenn asked quietly "I've never seen a survivor of a bite before, have you?" Jacqui asked. I shook my head. "I'm not going to take a chance." Daryl said turning around, "No Daryl, if we do that, that's our humanity gone and I am not-" "You're not what?" Daryl asked suspiciously. "Nothing, I don't feel too good." I said backing up.
 My breath hitched in my throat and I turned around and ran. I didn't get far as I dropped to my knees, heaving and gagging. "Oh shit!" I heard Shane, shortly after the sound of footsteps came close and someone was kneeling beside me. "Are you ok?" Shane asked me. I shook my head in response. After what seemed like forever I finally got all of the contents of my stomach out. I reached out for Shane and he helped me up slowly. I turned around and saw everyone staring at me. The girls all knew and so did Dale and Shane. Daryl looked at me and sighed.
 "We're you bit?" He asked aloud from a distance making sure everyone could hear. "No, It's just the smell, it's getting to me, and I didn't eat much." I covered up. "Daryl, if she was bit, she'd have a fever." "Shane, I need to tell him.” He nodded in response. "Daryl! Come here.” Daryl nodded.
 We walked over to where my tent is. “What? I need to get rid of ‘em.” He motioned to the bodies. “What I am about to tell you is really important. I really, really like you Daryl.”
“Get on with it, we don’t have all day.” He rolled his eyes, with his arms crossed. “Daryl, I’m pregnant.” Breathed out.
“Na, you ain’t.” “I am, I took two tests.” “It ain’t mine. It’s probably T-dogs. You two are close.”
“Are you being serious?”
“We always used condoms. It ain’t mine.”
“Daryl. It’s your baby. I’ve only been with you. Condoms can break.”
He shook his head.
“We have been together every second night if not every night, since we started this thing between us, there is no way that this isn’t your baby.”
He stormed off, grabbing his crossbow.
 I stood there alone, watching him walk away and start loading corpses into his truck. I waited until he was out of sight, until I made my way back to the others.
"Are you alright?" Lori asked as I rejoined what was left of our small group. “I told him. He is mad, thinks I slept with T-dog.” "You should've said something." "I tried. Numerous times." "Don't stress, it isn't good for the baby." She said hugging me.
I heard a branch snap.
 "I think we should deal with this right now!" I heard daryl yell, coming out of the woods raising his crossbow at Jim. Rick raised his gun a Daryl's head. "We don't kill the living." "Says the one with a gun to my head." "Daryl, put it down. Please." I whispered the last part softly touching his arm, making him slowly lower the crossbow, looking at me out of the corner of his eye. Rick lowered his gun and I saw Daryl glare at him. "Come with me." Rick looked at Jim. "Where are you taking me?" "Somewhere safe" Rick said taking him to the RV.
 After about an hour Amy woke up. Andrea had shot her at least five minutes after she awoke. I watched her wrap her own sister up in a white sheet. "(Y/n)?" I heard Rick ask. "Yeah?" "I need you to stay here and watch Jim as we bury the others." "Yeah, I'll do it." "No you aren't!" I head both Daryl and Shane protest. I looked at them both. "Why not?" I challenged. I saw Shane back up a bit. "What if he turns, and you get bit." Daryl snapped. “Look im an adult, not that you’d care at this point, regarding our previous conversation Dixon. I won't, because i'll have this." I said pulling my knife out of my boot. Daryl shot Rick a glare. "If she gets hurt I'm going to stomp your ass." He threatened leaving. Shane looked at him and walked away. "Go, I'll watch him." I smiled Rick thanked me before joining his wife and son. I climbed up into the RV and saw Carol sitting there looking after him.
 "You can go, it’s my turn to look over him." I smiled weakly. "Are you sure? I-" "Carol, you have to bury your husband. Sophia needs you honey." I hugged her. "I-ill be back soon." Carol stuttered with tears slowly running down her face. I nodded and sat down. "How are you going to do it?" Jim asked coughing "Do what?" "End this" "Jim. I'm not going to hurt you. I promise." I smiled dampening a cloth and wiping the sweat off of his head. "Thank you." He panted. "Would you like a drink?" "Please." I got up and went to the refrigerator grabbing the bottle of water that had been placed in there. I walked back to Jim. He couldn't hold the bottle still he was shaking that bad. "Here, I'll help." I steadied the bottle to his mouth and he drank. I pulled the bottle away and done the cap up. "I- I never got to say congratulations." He said with a weak and tired smile. "Thanks." I whispered. He went to smile but he started to cough, I handed him the red bucket that he had become far to familiar with. Blood was coming up with each cough. After a few minutes he stopped. "I'm sorry you have to look over me." "Jim, please stop saying sorry." He nodded his head. I heard a voice outside of the RV and looked out of the window. I saw almost everyone walking back. Jacqui came in and sat down next to me.
"It's my watch honey." She stated. "Are-" "Just go, I'm surprised that you put up with me that long." Jim softly laughed. "Honestly Jim! You make me sound horrible." I said amused. He smiled at me and I smiled back. "I'm going to see you soon okay?" I asked. He nodded his head. I slowly walked out of the RV. I went to my tent and entered it.

I laid down on my sleeping bag and looked at the tarp that lay above. I heard footsteps outside of my tent, followed by Daryl entering and laying next to me. He pulled me close and I rested my head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry for snapping earlier." He spoke. "I'm sorry for not telling you when I was originally going to." “When was that?” "You were angry at everyone for leaving merle on that Roof, I tried To tell you then.”
The tent was quiet, I could only hear Daryls breath, and my own. “Im 3-4 weeks along-” "It's been decided. We're heading to the CDC" he cut me off. "Rick or Shane's idea?" "Ricks" "I bet Shane wasn't happy about that." I laughed.
 The silence was too much, I lifted my head and kissed his lips softly, him kissing back. The kiss slowly turned into a heated make out session. "(Y/n)! We're leaving in 20!" Shane called out interrupting us. I pulled away. "Cock-block" Daryl groaned. I softly laughed. I got my back pack and daryl got his crossbow and his bag. "I'll put our things with Merle's bike in the truck." Daryl said taking my bag. I sighed as I started to take our tent apart. "Here, let me help you." I looked up to see Lori. "Thanks." "You should be doing the light stuff." "I'm fine with this honestly." “If you say so." She said.
 I looked over to see Shane walk over. "Ok ladies, this is a mans job." He said pulling the tent apart. Lori scoffed and left. After 5 minutes Shane looked at me.
 "And that is how you pack away a tent." "Nice job. Now take it to the RV with the other tents." I smiled sweetly. He rolled his eyes as he grabbed it and started to walk away. I walked to where the rest of the group was.
 "Now, everyone stay on channel 40, but keep the chatter down. Jim will stay in the RV with Jacqui, so he is in good hands. Questions?" Rick asked I shook my head but morales stood up, his family joining. "We're not going." I looked at him shocked. "What?" I asked in disbelief. "Heading the opposite way, we've got family in Birmingham." He finished. "You won't make it alone." Rick said. "We'll take our chances." "That's a lot of pressure to hold on yourself." "We can handle it." Miranda said with a soft smile. "I really think-" "I've got to do what's best for my family." Morales spoke Rick nodded his head. "I understand. Channel 40 ... If you change your mind." He softly smiled back. Morales nodded. We all said our goodbyes and they got into the van. After a while they where out of sight. "Is everyone ready to go?" "Yeah." "Yep." "Sure." We all piled into out vehicles. The RV pulled out onto the road, Rick following behind in the Cherokee, then T-dog in the church van, Daryl and myself and then Shane following in his jeep..... 
The journey so far has been silent, we’ve been on the road for about 20 minutes.
I put my head on the window and sighed. "What's wrong with ya?" Daryl asked "Nothing." "Bullshit." “Im just tired?” “It ain’t that.”
“It’s not important.” "Fine." We sat in silence for at least another 5 minutes, when everyone in front of us had started to pull up. "What the hell?" Daryl started. We both got out and gathered around the front of the RV. "What happened?" I asked "It's the hose, it's completely shot." Dale sighed. "I thought you fixed it earlier." I commented. "Yeah, didn't you jury-rig it or something?" Rick asked. "It's not holding, I was going to strip the cube van." "Shit." Shane sighed. "There's got to be a gas station, or an abandoned car between here and the highway." Rick sighed. We all traded wary looks. "Glenn, Dale, it shouldn't take us long." Rick stated. "I'll go this time." Shane piped up. "You sure?" "Yeah, you stay with your family." Shane said putting some things in his jeep. I looked at Daryl. "Shane!" I called after him. He turned around. "What?" "Be safe" He nodded. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Your brother is the toughest son of a bitch there is." I heard Rick say removing his hand. "You don't say" I chuckled. "I never knew that Shane had a sister." I sighed. "Well, I wasn't the best person to be related to, I was 14 when our parents died, I was in Shane's custody , Shane and I got into a huge fight causing Shane to move out. He left me with my fathers brother who was an alcoholic, he was an abusive drunk, I almost died a few times, so I-I ran away, Shane doesn't know about our uncle. I stole from a gas station, that at the time earlier in the same week a someone tried to hold it up, so they had a few police men stationed there. I refused to tell them who my family was, because I at the time I was on my own, I mean Shane was alive, I thought he hated me, my uncle was a drunk who would get me into more trouble, my parents were dead and if they Weren't they'd be disappointed. It turns out, my cousin worked at the station and he called our grandmother, she took me in and helped me through everything, she had gotten me a job at the bakery that she worked at, she swore she'd never tell Shane about any of this, she kept to her word and didn't, after 6 years of living with her on the out skirts of King County, she had passed, and I re-united with my brother at our grams funeral. When the outbreak hit he showed up at our grandmothers house with Lori and Carl. For quite a chunk of our lives, Shane and I lost contact. Which is why you haven’t heard about me.” By the time I had finished everyone was standing with us listening. "Sorry." I whispered. "Don't be." "What were you two fighting about?" Dale asked. Memories came flooding back. "I-I- dont remember." I lied pushing past people.

I was waiting, for two and a half hours.
I was at the movies with a friend, it had finished at 7.15pm. I was 14, Shane was meant to pick me up. So at 9.20 I decided to walk home, it was a twenty minute drive from home to the cinema, he should’ve been here by now. It was 9.55 by the time I got home.
Shane was no where to be seen.
I sat on the bottom step, watching the front door, waiting for my brother to walk in. Surely he had a good reason to not be there when he said he would. After an hour of waiting, Shane still wasn’t home. I stood up, and got a glass of water to take with me to bed. I hear the door open and I walked over to see Shane walk in with three women, Barely dressed, caked faces.
The girls were giggling, Shane was plastered. They ignored me and made their way up the stairs and into the master room. The next day the girls left, and Shane walked out, pleased with himself. "What was that a new record?" I asked sourly. "What's up your ass?" He scoffed. “You forgot about me again.”
 “No I didn’t.” “The movie finished at 7.15 last night and I waited until 9.20 for you.”
“I had plans.”
 “I could see that.”
 “You got home, it’s not a big deal.”
 “To you it might not be. But it is to me Shane, you promised. Mom and dad can’t come pick me up because you forgot.” “So what? You’re okay. You’re grown. Deal with it.” “Shane-“ “I can’t fucking do this. Im not your father, I don’t want you.” Shane grabbed a coat and left. This time he didn’t come back.

I walked to the truck, grabbed my bag and pulled out my water bottle, taking a sip. "What are ya doing?" Daryl asked. I offered my bottle to him, for him to shake his head. I put the bottle back. “I was thirsty.” I responded.
 “Are you okay?” "Sure." I said shoving my bag back into the truck. I tried to push past but he blocked me. "Don't start." He said. “Start what?”
 “Being a bitch.” “You gonna hit me like ed hit me, knock me on my ass? Go on, take your shot." I slightly raised my voice. Pure anger went through his eyes. "When did he hit you?!" He said raising his voice only that the two of us could hear. “It doesn’t matter, im okay.”  I replied, softly pushing him out of the way. I walked to where T-dog and Jacqui were sitting. "You alright, I saw you two talking.” Jacqui asked. “Yeah im good.” "I'm sorry." T-dog said "About?" "Your past." "Don't be, that's why it's in the past, we gotta keep, keeping on.” They both smiled. "(Y/n)!" I turned my head and saw Lori, signalling for me to goto her. "I'll talk to you guys later." I smiled.

I walked to the Cherokee and stood with her. "Hey, is everything okay?" "Yeah it's fine, word of advice.." "Yeah." "Fit in as much sex before you start growing bigger, trust me." She whispered I laughed causing everyones attention to land on us. "Don't make me laugh, I doubt we will be even sleeping next to each other." "Why?" "I don’t think this is something he wants.” "Daryl loves you, I can see it in his eyes." I looked over to where Daryl was, talking with Rick about whatever. I heard a rustle in a bush and grabbed my knife. Lori heard it too, pushing the kids behind her. I looked to where Daryl was with Rick and they were still talking, so were the others. "(Y/n). Don't."

I ignored Lori's protests and started walking. I saw a squirrel, torn to shreds on the ground, and saw a walker eating another one. I quietly snuck up behind it and as it turned around I shoved the knife into its skull, blood now all over my knife and a little bit on my shirt.

I heard a twig snap behind me and I turned around, running into a hard chest. "You shouldn't be alone out here." "Daryl you scared the shit out of me.” “I don’t want you out here alone.” “Daryl. I’m not a doll.” I snapped.     Moving around him and heading back to the cars, he grabs my waist and pull me into him, kissing me hard, dropping his crossbow. I kissed back with just as much force. He licked my bottom lip, begging for entrance. I parted my mouth and our tongues fought for dominance. My hands slipped under his vest and ran over his chest. He held me close, not letting me go. We were interrupted by a snapping twig. There was a walker, it was coming toward us. He walked in front of me and grabbed the crossbow, shooting it in the eye. "We should go back." I whispered. "Yeah." He nodded. He grabbed my hand and we walked back to the others.

"Are you okay?" Lori asked as soon as she saw me. "Yeah, I'm fine. We just talked." "Are you going to use my advice?" "To be honest. We kind of tried that then, until a walker ruined it. My sex drive is on high and I just." "I know, I was exactly like that when i was pregnant with Carl." I saw Shane pull up in the jeep, getting out and handing the hose to dale. Glenn and dale started to work on the hose. "It will only take me a few minutes." Dale said looking back to everyone. "Everyone, let's get ready to head out, as soon as the RV is fixed we are moving out." Shane called. Shane made his was to his jeep, passing the RV door. It opened, Rick carrying Jim.
 "What is going on?" Shane asked Rick. "Rick?" I asked "He doesn't want to go any further." Rick said regretting it. Rick carried Jim to a tree and set him down against it. "Are we just going to leave him here?" Glenn asked "No! We can't. It isn't right!" I protested. "Please just go." Jim sighed softly. We all stood there, looking at Jim. "He wants to die peacefully." Andrea spoke up. We all looked at her. Rick got out a bottle of water and placed it beside Jim. "What the hell man?!" Daryl asked. "He's made his decision, I can't force him, I can't force anyone of you." "What's the point of going to the CDC then? we're close." Shane said. "I think it's still the right plan." Rick argued softly "He can't take the bouncing around in that thing, look at him." Carol sighed. We all looked at him. Shane focused on Rick. "We're really just walking away? I don't want to live with that." Shane said. "Shouldn't we.. You know?" T-dog asked. Rick cut him down with a glare.

Andrea kneeled and kissed Jim's forehead, she stood back up and turned away. Glenn stood forward. "Hang in there bro." Dale follows. "Good luck." "I really wish that we weren't doing this, but it is what you want and I respect that.” I said kneeling and kissing his forehead, and wiping his hair away from his eyes. I stood up and walked to the pick up. Daryl looked at Jim and nodded coldly, the followed me to the truck. The others followed with their goodbyes. The RV pulled out slowly, all of us following pursuit. Looking out of the window I share one last smile at Jim. Series Masterlist   Next Part

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 33

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.1k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: i actually enjoyed writing this. but i feel like i forgot something and i cant put my fingers on it.

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : here they are! hope you like them! changed the second one a bit tho

Chapter 33 : His chapter

NIALL

March 29th, 2018

Ninteen days. Nineteen long days without her and I was back again in Dublin for a show before I could take a plane to her and spend over two weeks with her. If I wanted to be honest with myself, these past weeks had been horrible. I waited for her calls like a dependent and crazy boyfriend and it made me think that perhaps, it was how she felt when I spent so much time at a bar, back then. I could pretend I was not scared that the feelings she had for Dylan would somehow change and become stronger than the ones she had for me, but deep down, I knew It was a fear of mine. They say 'out of sight, out of mind', right?

I didn't know if I should worry or not because despite the fact that she has loved me for as long as she can remember, I was well aware that feelings change. After all, she hadn't broken up with Dylan for me, she had made that clear and I knew anyway, which meant that going back to him was always an option. I shook my head, a bit lost in my thoughts, as people around me were laughing and preparing the show. I didn't want to go out there and sing, I didn't want to be here. Not if she was somewhere else.

I did everything like a zombie, feeling a bit numb, and finally grabbed my guitar and putting a smile on my face. I jumped slightly when I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see a blond head, making me smile more.

"You alright?"

I blinked a few times and just nodded before turning around but suddenly, I felt my heart jump in my chest.

"Jules?" i asked loud enough for her to hear me. "Where's Liv's note? I was sure I put it here."

Julia frowned and started looking around before shaking her head. "Are you sure you left it here?"

My heartbeats started accelerating. I knew I had to be on stage in less than two minutes and I had completely forgotten about the note. In fact, my mind had been blank for a few hours. Julia and I both started searching everywhere and I was literally starting to panic. I knew it was not that big of a deal if I missed opening her envelop one time, or even if I walked on stage 10 minutes late, but for some reason, it stressed me so much it made me want to puke.

I don't know how long it took but I saw Julia run back to me, her arm up in the air, holding a pink envelop, zigzagging to dodge people on her way to me. I sighed and felt the stress falter. She got in front of me and I snatched the envelop from her hands before pulling her into a tight hug.

"Thank you!"

She chuckled and pulled away before grabbing my phone and licking her lips. "Okay, open it, I'm filming you."

I chuckled and rolled my eyes, feeling suddenly a bit more relaxed. The show could wait and if I wanted to be honest, I was impatient to smell Olivia's perfume from the paper, to see her horrible handwriting and the little hearts she always draw everywhere. It was the boost I needed before going up there to spend two hours singing songs that reminded me of her. I needed it. It became more than an habit, I was fucking addicted.

Quickly, I teared the envelop and let it fall on the floor as the scent of honey and vanilla filled my nose. I glanced up at the camera and noticed how big Julia was smiling. I hadn't told her that Olivia and I were more than friend but she had heard the whole story and somehow, she had pushed me to go back to her. I never followed her advice because I knew Olivia was with Dylan but now that it was a secret, I felt bad for lying to her. I had told her about the letters Olivia gave me but hadn't mentioned that they were filled with dirty stuff and love words, and now that she was filming, it was going to be tough answering whatever Liv had written in that note.

"Hey petal." I said in a soft tone, looking at my phone. "Last letter of yours before I fly back there! Hope you're ready for pubs and movie nights because I fucking am!" I laughed and looked down to read the purple glitter words on the pale pink paper, my face changing more and more as my eyes scanned the letter.

'Niall James Horan, I love you. I want nothing but to be with you right now. And maybe I actually am. If you look carefully, you may see me.'

I frowned and looked up at Julia who chuckled a bit. "Turn the sheet."

I did it quickly and noticed she had written something else. 'Yes, dumbass. I'm here. I took a plane to you. Now go on stage. I'll hold you in my arms as soon as your show is over.'

Julia kept filming and moved closer to me, snatching the letter from my hand and pushing me toward the stage. I tried to resist, my eyes looking around to see where she was and Julia laughed more.

"Go, Niall! You'll see her soon!"

I frowned and turned to her, my eyes getting bigger.

"You knew?" I asked in a shocked tone, making her shrug. "Wait, where is she?"

"Stage!" Julia said with her soft light voice, trying to be firm. "Now!"

I kept looking around but finally walked on stage, starting with the first song. I knew the song by heart and didn't really have to think much. It was good since all my thoughts were taken by my best friend, wondering if she was really here and if yes, when would I be able to take her in my arms. I finished the song and when I turned around, my eyes caught someone on the side of the stage. No one in the crowd could see her but when our eyes met, her lips curled more. She hadn't changed at all. She tilted her head and pressed her lips together and even though I shouldn't have, I literally ran backstage, held my guitar to the first person I saw and wrapped my arms around her neck as she wrapped hers around my chest.

"Fuck, you’re really here." I whispered, leaning my cheek on her head before kissing her hair and holding her tighter.

She chuckled but I felt her shake in my arms as if she was sobbing and she squeezed me harder, rubbing her cheek on my shirt a few times before gripping it in my back. It took her a few minutes but she finally sniffed and tried to get out of my embrace.

"You need to go back." she pointed out in a low tone, but I still heard her voice break.

"Just a few more seconds." I replied, pulling her back in my arms.

It was torture to not be able to kiss her and tell her how much I loved her but I moved my head down, bringing my lips very close to her ear.

"I fucking missed you. I can't believe you're here." I whispered, feeling my bottom lip brush against her ear. "You're the best gift I ever had."

She chuckled and pushed me away gently again, wiping a tear on her cheek and moving her chin in my direction. "Go!"

I hesitated but finally got back on stage to sing a few more songs but when I started Flicker, I couldn't help but glance at Olivia over and over again. The memories of writing this song and of the falling we had at the end of our relationship started flooding me and I suddenly felt myself tear up. I had to stop near the end of the song and just walked off stage again, going back to her. This time, I didn't even take the time to put my guitar away, I just moved it in my back in a swift movement and gripped my best friend again, pulling her against me.

"I want to kiss you." I whispered as she nuzzled my neck, feeling tears fall down my cheeks despite myself.

"Me too, Niall."

"I love you okay?" I added quickly in a low tone, my eyes closed, trying to stop crying. "I love you and that song is so fucking tough to sing."

I heard her swallow hard and she brushed her nose on my neck. "I'm here now. I'm back. And I'm not leaving."

"I'm not leaving either. Never again."

                                                ----

We ended up backstage after the show and all grabbed a beer. Olivia was laughing with Julia a bit afar and I couldn't take my eyes off her. I wasn't even aware that these two actually talked to each other but watching them interact made me feel good for a reason I ignored. Perhaps, the fact that Olivia was ready to get to know more of my friends made this whole thing easier. Back then, she only really hung out with Louis or the people we hung out with before I was famous. She never really showed interest in meeting my other friends or hanging out with people I met as a singer and even if I understood she didn't feel at ease, it still made me sad.

They both turned to me and looked back at each other before laughing together and I suddenly got curious. I got up and walked to them, bending slightly between them and raising my eyebrows.

"You guys are talking about me?"

"Were we?" Julia asked with a frown, a big smile still gracing her lips and a dimple digging in her cheek.

"We were talking about how incredible Julia had been. She was so discreet you didn't see it coming." Olivia replied, turning to me and sending me a smile, too. "I think she's officially my favorite friend of yours, now."

I looked at Liv as she turned to Julia again and they both laughed some more. It was horrible that I couldn't just grab her and kiss her but I still moved my arm around her waist and I could have sworn her smile got bigger.

"Yea, well done." I admitted, shaking my head. "And now I have two free weeks and we can spend it here. What do you say?"

"I only have a few days, Nee, I'm sorry." she admitted, her facial expression turning into a guilty one. "But I can join you in France when you start your tour again? I asked that week to go see my parents."

My eyes roamed on her face and I felt something break inside me. It took me half a second to take a decision.

"I'll just go back to Cali with you." I let out in a low voice, moving a bit closer to her. "Maybe I can go to one of your filming days?"

Her lips curled and she glanced at Julia, making me suddenly remember that we were not alone. I turned to Julia too and saw her try to hide a smile by pressing her lips hard together. She turned around and walked away to go talk to someone else and I turned back to Liv, raising my nose up in a grimace.

"Oops, sorry." I whispered, holding my breath. "You think she knows?"

"If she's not completely stupid yea. I mean, the girl has two functioning eyes and two clearly great ears, if I trust the way she sings. So yea, she knows." Olivia pointed out with a chuckle.

"You're not mad?"

She tilted her head as she stared at me, her amused smile turning quickly into a fond one. I felt my palm burn on her back, over her shirt, and she sighed low.

"Niall, I think it's time you bring me back to your hotel room, what do you say?"

I didn't have a hotel room. In fact, I was ready to leave right after the show to catch my plane but now that plans had changed, I had to think about something, and there was no way I was going back to sleep at my parents'.

"I'll find one."

I quickly grabbed my phone in my pocket and called the hotel I stayed in the night before to reserve a room. I sighed in relief when I found out they weren't all taken and finally hung up and turned back to her.

"Done."

Her lips curled and she nodded and quickly, we said our goodbyes to everyone. No one insisted that we stayed or followed them to a bar and we just took a cab and left. She didn't kiss me until the hotel room's door closed behind us and I didn't try to force anything, but I couldn't pretend the whole ride was not painful.

Her mouth crashed on mine after she dropped her bags and I finally let mine fall too as she deepened the kiss. I could feel her smile against my lips and chuckled, bringing both my hands to her back and slipped them under her shirt.

"Watching the nudes you send while I jerk off every fooking night isn't enough." I admitted, trailing kisses quickly down her neck. "I want to bring you with me for the rest of the tour, I miss your body too much."

She giggled like a school girl and it made me smile more. "You want me to follow you everywhere so you can use me whenever you need a good fuck?"

"Yes, petal." I admitted in a whisper after letting out a groan. "How much would you like to be my little cum dump? How much do you want me to just grab your hair and fuck your fanny until I cum every fucking time I need it?"

"Mm, someone is in serious need of a good fuck." she pointed out, running her hand on my cock, over my pants. "You're being very nasty."

"You love it, don't even pretend otherwise."

She chuckled against my mouth and quickly worked on my pants. I unbuttoned hers and slipped my hand in her panties, making her head fall back slightly and her eyes flutter.

"You like that, princess?" I asked, brushing my lips on her jaw and neck. "I really need to fuck you hard and fast. You're so wet I'm sure you can cum fast, yeah?"

"Too horny for love making tonight, I see." she whispered with a smile, making me groan again.

"If you want me to make love to you petal, I will." I groaned low. "That shows how much I love you because I'm so fucking horny I don't really want to go slow."

She pulled away slightly and her eyes met mine. She tilted her head and stared at me for a few seconds before licking her lips.

"Fuck me hard and fast, then." she proposed. "We got all night anyway, yea?"

"Pet, if you allow me to fuck you 10 times tonight I fucking will."

She started laughing and I shut her up by pressing my lips against hers and immediately deepening the kiss. I loved the taste of her tongue and when she grabbed mine to suck on it, I slipped a finger inside her and started rubbing my thumb slowly on her clit. She moaned in my mouth and I felt her body tense, making me smile more.

"Apparently, I'm not the only one who needs a proper fuck."

It took us less than a minute to get naked and when I sat on the bed, she quickly straddled me and sat on my cock. I wrapped my arms around her as she let out a low whimper, closing her eyes. I grabbed her hair from behind and pulled on it, making her moan again as I brought my hand between us right after licking my thumb. I pressed it on her clit and she squirmed a bit, making me hold her hair tighter.

"It feels so fucking good to be balls deep inside you, pet."

I ran my tongue on one of her breasts and felt her nipple harden against it. I loved the way her body reacted to every single one of my touches. She squirmed a bit and I groaned as I felt her throb around my cock before grabbed her other breasts hard.

"Missed your tits so much." I slapped it gently and she squirmed again. "You're so fucking horny baby you're dripping on me."

"Please Niall." she let out in a mix of a whisper and a whimper. "Let me ride you."

I stared at how fucked she looked and finally let go of her hair. Her lips pressed against mine half a second later and she started moving over me slowly at first and then harder and faster. I didn't know how long I was going to last and I breathed through my teeth before she bit my bottom lip.

"You always do that when you're really horny don't you?" I asked with a smirk, pulling my upper body back to look at her.

She sent me puppy eyes, her chin moving down as she stared at me through her eyelashes. It made me want to own her even more and be rough with her.

"I do that because I really really want you."

I let my hand run on her back and when I reached her ass, I spanked her hard enough to make her tense. Her movements faltered and she moaned low, cupping my face and kissing me deeply again.

"I'm really really close, Nee." she murmured against my mouth. "I'm about to cum all over your cock."

I already knew that. I could feel her clench hard around my dick and I pulled away slightly again to look in her eyes. There was nothing I loved more than watching her squirm over me as she came.

"Do it. Show me how good of a little slut you are." I pressed my thumb on her clit and she started moving over me again, bouncing on my cock as I rubbed her clit hard.

It took her half a minute to start shaking and I felt her nails dig in one of my shoulders. The sight of her coming undone made me reach my orgasm too and I gripped her waist harder, my fingers sinking in her skin as I spilled inside her. We both were panting messes as we came down from our highs and she leaned her forehead on my shoulder, letting out a few satisfied whimpers.

"You're mine, yeah?"

"What part of me do you want?" she asked low, running her mouth on my neck and making me smile.

"Your heart, petal." I whispered, turning my head her way, searching for her lips. "You know it,"

"Mm, you're so full of shit." she whispered with a chuckle.

I grabbed her waist and threw her on the bed as she let out a high pitched scream and I quickly moved on top of her, holding myself with my arms on each side of her head.

"I ain't lying." I pointed out, raising my eyebrows as I looked at her.

"I thought you wanted my ass." she let out, half-joking with a smile.

I stared at her for a few seconds, my smile falling slowly and breathed in before sighing.

"I already have that." I explained. "I'm just hoping you can give me your heart at some point, too."

I felt her hand reach for my face and her fingers slipped in my hair. I didn't know how long we stared at each other but after a while, her lips parted.

"My heart has been yours since I was 6 years old, Niall James Horan."

For some reason, her words made a shiver cross my back and I quivered slightly over her. I glanced at her lips and slowly, I moved down and kissed her. I didn't know what I could answer to that so I just remained silent. She moved her knees up, trapping my body between them, and I knew we both felt safe in our happy bubble. It was my favorite place : with her.

"You think everyone knows we left to go fuck?" she asked, making me chuckle.

"I mean, they think we're just friends right?"

Olivia grimaced and I laughed more at how cute it was to see her button nose move up childishly.

"No one ever really thought we were friends, I mean, even your parents made a bet."

It was my turn to grimace. "Please, don't remind me."

"I'm glad I messaged Julia. I was a bit jealous of her before I started talking to her. I mean she spends all her time with you and I know you two are close."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. I didn't think she could feel threatened by Julia.

"Says the girl who literally gets rides from her ex fiance after acting as his girlfriend all day!"

"Touché." she laughed. "But there's really nothing between Dylan and I anymore."

My eyes roamed on her face and I sighed. "I love you, Liv, but we both know that's not true." i just said, making her frown slightly. "Of course you still have feelings for him. I wouldn't expect you to just forget about it after a few weeks. And he probably loves you too. And I would lie if I said it doesn't stress me from time to time, especially late at night when I'm waiting for your call."

I thought about the song I had started writing which was once again, about her. It was once again about how much I loved her, but it was also about how painful it was not to know what we were and how she felt. It was about how easily she could hurt me and that if it was the only thing she was able to give me, that I wanted it anyway. It was about how I was all hers and that I was not sure she really was mine. I didn't want to sing it to her, because I didn't want her to feel guilty about the feelings inside me, but I had to write about it, if only to evacuate the pain from my body and mind. She didn't even know how hurt I was sometimes, it didn't even cross her mind, I knew it.

She sent me a fond smile and my heart melted again. I could have moved to lie down next to her but I didn't want to. I wanted our bodies pressed together. They had been away from each other for so long and it was insane how much my skin missed her skin.

"Nothing to worry about. I always think about you."

I smiled. "Nothing to worry about when it comes to Julia either. Or any other woman. Or men. Anyone. My mind, heart and soul are with you 24/7."

"And your body?" she asked with an amused smile.

"Right now it's with you, too. So you've got all of me."

We remained silent for a while, just looking at each other. I focused on the way her body felt beneath mine, and on how well it fitted with mine, like two pieces of a puzzle, and even if I knew it was cheesy, I knew we formed a complete puzzle, me and her. The more time I spent with her, the more I had hope that we would be together again. Officially and forever.

"What are we gonna do tomorrow?" she asked in a low voice.

"Go back to Mullingar and fuck. Pretend we're not famous. Meet with old friends. Go to a pub and fuck. Go see my mom. Fuck. Get a hotel room and fuck again."

She laughed, moving her chin up and closing her eyes, and it made me smile.

"Alright, but just to make sure, are we gonna fuck?" she asked jokingly, making me smirk.

"Yes."

She laughed again and I shut her up by pressing my lips against hers. I didn't want to think about being away from her again. I didn't want this distance thing to become something normal between us. There was no way I could ever get used to being far away from her for weeks. I also knew it was meant to happen again and it made something stir in my stomach but I tried to push the thought away.

"Good plan?" I asked, my lips brushing against hers as I talked before she nodded. "Perfect, Now let's fuck again."

[vesperstalksclones]

Ramblings of a Bipolar Geek girl.

And a picture of this sexy mother fucker who is haunting my shit RN and is viscerally intertwined with all my hot messy-ness. And why not?

Really this is just brain droppings. I'm ramping up in to what will likely be a doozy of an episode, so I needed a dumping ground and Tumblr seemed like the place.

I own that diagnosis, Bipolar, and not like in a fad way. I mean chemically messed up. My PsychNP who tends my medicine chuckles and pats me on the head when we talk. She loves my stories and our visits are usually more like coffee with a favorite aunt. Not a call for help or anything. I'm good. I think if you've started reading, then you'll find some things to laugh at.

Eh... OK. A&P/Psychiatry lesson. A lot of people talk about Bipolar disorder, but I've found the average person knows very little about psychological disorders beyond "crazy". Specifically, I am medicated for Bipolar II. Bipolar I and II both suffer from the hellish depression that comes in the cycle, but bipolar I is characterized by periods of mania that can get quite uncontrollable and self destructive. Like the things you hear about people running up tens of thousands of $$ on credit cards or selling their house on a whim. Bipolar II still has the manuc episodes, but not so severe. Its a wild ride, but mostly fun and exhilarating. But, well, thats mania. Like, I go through bouts of insomnia, obsessive behavior, blasts of energy; it feels like your personality is trying to shatter your skin and fly off in every direction at once.

The insomnia gets old, and the jitteryness can be obnoxious at times, but the obsessions are downright funny. In the past, oh years ago, I remember a year (I go in nice neat 3 month cycles) where I had a food obsession with fruit roll-ups (an American snack common in kids lunch pails if you're not familiar). So, my last episode was late May - June. I had a new opsession and or new symptom. I thought it was just this mysterious hormonal change that I hear talked about on sitcoms and movies and etc where a middle aged woman suddenly becomes a cougar. Well.... suddenly my mania comes with ADVANCED HORNY. Now, I'm a geek, always have been. And suddenly, this new manic horny thing (and my Puss Puss) said "Look! Fictional characters! And they have genitalia! Imma gonna latch on to this hard!" Somehow the worst of the obsession landed on my beloved clone boys.... and well I started my Tumblr account and poured in smut - fics, pics, follows, etc. After a few weeks, things calmed down. And I thought... well that was refreshing, sorry its over. NOW - three-ish months on.. its BACK. Next manic cycle and skin melting horny have me their grip! Is this shit here to stay?

Ok so... some of y'all write about this or that character going through a heat cycle or a rut... well... this bitch knows what that feels like. I can barely function. I am humming like a fucking tuning fork. I've changed my drawers twice today (sorry, gross but lol) and any conscious thought involves some depraved behavior involving specific handsome brown men. AND THE DREAMS I HAD LAST NIGHT! My stars and garters, I couldn't properly look Nitro in the eye this morning when he got up for work! (No worries, he and I have a happy comfortable relationship and we can talk openly about sex and people we admire and etc. That and IDK what my sexual orientation is so we can appreciate boobs together happily, but this can be another entertaining blog post)

LIke srsly, Temuera Morrisson, Sam Witwer, Dee Bradley Baker, Liam Neeson, and Ewan McGregor should consider getting ready for retraining orders against me. The money I would pay just to have these guys talk at me.. well... might rival that shit I said about Bipolar I mania 🤣.

All things considered... mania is exhausting. Your brain is on constant fast forward and I feel like there is a veil between me and the world. Im sure I'll do or say some stupid things that might embarass me later on, but right now everything seems fair game, kind of like being drunk or something. IDK. So that being said... time to sip some coffee, draw some clone dick,... and maybe write down some of those dreams from last night. Seems a shame not to share! 😁🥰

Love you babies! ✌

[assless-chapstick]

This is me sending myself an ask… because I am boredt and my teeth hurt and I want to lay in bed….

So I ask myself … how are the Couch AU boys coping with the COVID19 lockdown??? Are they ok??

Tbh I think Charles and John are taking it harder than Arthur and Javi. Like, Arthur and Javier are a little more stable, a little more mentally well/neurotypical, and while everyone is finding it hard, I think Charles and John are struggling more than average.

Charles practically lives at John and Arthurs place, so he’s locked down over there; half his stuff is over there already, and while it might be a little crowded, it’s better than him being alone at his place. He doesn’t have any roommates and he needs to have someone around to help with the anxiety and keep him on a schedule. With Arthur around, he doesn’t sink completely into a depression. Sure, he’s finding it hard to focus and stay motivated and he spends a lot more time on the couch, napping and watching jeopardy and comfort-eating, but he’s not completely vacant and spending all day in bed, forgetting to shower or eat like he might if he was alone.

Arthur has a little gym/studio in the spare bedroom where he draws and does his fuckin bowflex or whatever, and they set Charles up there so he can get some studying done and continue to attend classes online. Charles is just finishing his first year of law school and he’s like, determined not to let this whole situation fuck up his academic career, even if he’s a little worried about it all…

Arthur is going a little stir-crazy; he works at an autobody shop, and they closed for a couple weeks at the beginning so he was out of work for a while. He was all “perfect I can work on my art,” but he’s so used to being super busy working two jobs and going to the gym and shit that having so much free time has been stressful to him. He processes a lot of feelings through anger, so the punching bag on the balcony has taken some pretty rough beatings the past couple weeks…

He’s back at work now, three days a week, so he’s feeling a little better… I think his biggest concern is money, cuz with reduced hours and all the cons he was planning to sell art at being cancelled, his income is reduced, and as a teen/early 20s he struggled a lot so that really scared him… But Dutch and Hosea aren’t too bad off and they’ll help out if he or John are ever in a pinch…

I think Arthur authors/creates a queer cowboy romance webcomic, so he’s been working on that a lot… he’s finally pages ahead and has some updates queued, so if he needs to be can afford to take a break for a week or two! He’s psyched about that. His patreon profits have gone down a little, but he’s got some loyal-ass fans and they’re really helping him thru it, too, I think… and he’s made some new merch for the first time in ages, and has had time to open up more commissions… He and Charles spend a lot of afternoons in the study, listening to Arthur’s vinyls and working together in silence …

So Arthur is doing ok, and Charles is pulling through, but John is having a… really rough go. For someone who seems really chaotic, John really really thrives when he had a routine and a set schedule, and with classes being moved online or canceled, he’s really struggling to keep a routine and as a result, his mental health is suffering. It also doesn’t help that he can’t leave the house and can’t see Javi, a major source of security for him. John runs to get his frustration out, and not feeling like it’s safe to go for a run has him feeling really bad.

He and Javi FaceTime every night, but it’s not the same and John is pretty miserable. He spends a lot of time in his room, music Loud, and he stops sleeping with any sort of regularity. The stress also makes his nightmares worse, I think, so he’s spending a lot more time avoiding sleep, which definitely makes him even bitchier than he would be otherwise. That and the situation have him really snappy, so there’s some Big Fights between him and Arthur; fights over nothing, fighting just to have something to do, to just feel something, because he’s angry with the situation and the feelings and everything… He’d just started to get his life on track and here it is, all out of order again. The uncertainty and instability are really unsettling for him.

I think John’s been seeing his therapist online, but it’s not the same, and he really hates it. In the first few weeks, things were all over the place and he forgot to take his meds and stuff… when Arthur noticed something was wrong, he kind of just started gently helping John remember to do things, just gently coaxing him and reminding him to take his pills, etc…

Like Arthur starts making meal at the same time every day, and cooks for all three of them so John remembers to eat… he makes coffee and sings when he makes breakfast to wake John up, and they watch movies and play boardgames and stuff after dinner, just to keep John on a little bit of a schedule. John usually goes to bed in his own room and climbs into Arthur and Charles’ later in the night, but during this whole thing, he starts going to bed with Arthur and Charles, and that helps too...

I think eventually he gets a little more used to it, once he gets back into a routine and then he’s still having trouble, but he’s doing better…

Javi lives in college dorms, so he’s moved back to living with his mum and his sister, which sucks, but that also means he can borrow his mum’s car… so when John is feeling really bad, one day, Javi throws his guitar in the trunk and goes to John and Arthurs place and stands under the balcony and plays all the dumb joke songs he’s written for John… songs called shit like “im sorry I backwashed in your redbull, flaquita” and “youre a pendejo but I love you anyway” and that cheers them both up…

Also, John makes up little care packages and has Arthur drop them off at Javi’s!! little doodles (John’s been practicing drawing but he’s like, crazy bad, just awful) and poems (marginally better, not great), their favourite snacks, little trinkets from around the house and stuff he picks up on his runs (once he starts going on runs again), and of course, of course, cuz he’s nasty, panties that he MAYBE wore on his run, for Javi to, y’know, do with what he will…

And of course they have a lot of phone sex, especially once John pulls it together a bit… at first he kind of went AWOL and didn’t talk to anyone, let his phone go dead and stuff, but he’s doing better now and now they’re… being quarantine horny …

Javi prefers regular voice phonesex, loves to call John up and tease his girl until John whines for him to stop, ask if John is touching himself when Javi can tell by the hitch of his breath that he is… Javi loves that, but not seeing one another, John insists they do videocalls, even if Javi is a little uncomfortable…

But it leads to some… fun roleplay … John pretends to be an innocent starlet trying to make it big, and Javi is a big-time director that keeps on pushing… “you look so good on camera, babe, but maybe take the bra off, let us see how those little titties of yours look? Don’t be shy, it’s all business, just want to see… grab them for me, that’s it, now show me that ass…”

And they also play like Javi is broadcasting the video to everyone, like all his friends can see what a whore Javi’s girl is, how he can suck that dildo like it was a real cock and how desperate he is for it… they pretend Javi is advertising John as if he’s a thing for sale, like Javi is booking John’s ass by the hour…. All “cmon baby, show them how greedy your pussy is, you’re gonna take so many cocks for me tonight, you’ll be leaking cum by the time they’re done with you, you’ll be so sore but you’ll do it for me, won’t you, flaca? Til you’re rubbed raw and then I’ll slide into your wet, gaping hole…”

And of course, of course, John BIG gets off on watching Javi jerk off into the panties he sends him… Javi maybe even… sniffs them, licks them a little, cuz he misses John so bad and he loves the way John looks in the pale yellow, lacy panties he’s got wrapped around his dick, loves the idea of coming in them and then making John put them back on,…

Aaaand that’s that on that, I think!! So thanks for reading, mister, if you’re still out there somewhere. I have dental surgery tomorrow and I’m more scared than a spider in a shoe factory, so please wish me some luck and send me some non-COVID related asks, iffin you’re feeling it!!

[venusloveslobotomies]

Pyromania (Bucky x Reader) 4

 Summary: (Winter Soldier-Endgame Insert) You’re an enhanced HYDRA agent who negotiated her way out of being a weapon. You’re now the nurse/ aid of the Winter Soldier. You end up escaping with him and follow him in and out of danger while slowly developing feelings for each other.

Words: 1885 (approx) Chapter: 4/? Part 3

Selene Carter, age 22 (replaces Sharon Carter) (im sorryyyy)

  I sit to the side as a technician fixes Soldat’s arm. I was correct in that whatever Romanoff did to it, it really fucked with the functionality. I’m staring intently at him but I can tell there’s something going on in his head. He’s fixed his eyes straight ahead, barely blinking.   He suddenly shoves the tech across the room and instantly the soldiers point their guns at him. I’m on my feet and tensed as he sits there silently.     “Sir, he’s unstable, erratic,” The door swings open and in marches Pierce. The guns go down as he approaches Soldat.

   “Mission report,” Silence, “Mission report now,” Pierce walks forward and leans down slowly before smacking my soldier right across the face as hard as he can. My body moves before I can process my actions. I plant myself in front of him, hands sparking and muscles twitching. Pierce steps back slightly, fear flashing across his face before he can compose himself.     “Do that again,” I growl, “I dare you,” I feel a tapping at my hip and I step sideways.    “The man on the bridge. Who was he?” There’s something strange about my soldier’s voice. Pierce seems cautious as he speaks. Choosing his words carefully. His eyes keep flicking up to my face.    “You met him earlier this week on another assignment,”     “I knew him,” Pierce pulls a stool over.    “Your work has been a gift to mankind,”   I make eye contact with Petrovic who subtly motions with his hands at mine. I look down and they’ve burst into flames. I extinguish them and feel the warmth leave my back as well. Hair must’ve caught too. The other guards and officials in the room are studying me warily. Pierce is continuing with his weird speech, “And HYDRA can’t give the world the freedom it deserves,”    “But I knew him…” I snap my fingers to caution him. If he questions too much, they’ll wipe him again. And I hate watching it.   Pierce looks at me and then sighs and stands up. I walk over to my soldier and gently stroke his hair, tangling my fingers in it. He reaches up to shake me off before stopping and letting his hand drop to his lap.     “Prep him,”    “He’s been out of cryo-freeze too long,” I’m about ready to murder that tech when Pierce says the worst thing possible.    “Then wipe him and start over,” I feel Soldat start to shake. I push his hair back and kneel in front of him. It’s a painful process and it hurts me almost as much as it hurts him.    “Calm. Down. I’ll be right here,” I’m getting anxious now too but I push it down and put on a smile for him, “I’m right here. I’m not leaving your side,” His eyes reflect the fear I feel churning in my stomach as he stares at me. Petrovic taps me to back up. Soldat grips my hands and I almost just stay there but I know I’ll be forced away one way or another so I lean back down to press my lips to his head while I work my hand out of his grip.   I back up and the techs push him back into the chair and give him the mouth guard to prevent him from screaming too loud or breaking his jaw. The machine locks him in and lowers the face pieces. I know I’m shaking. Petrovic touches my shoulder in a gesture of comfort and I almost turn away but Soldat catches my eye and I know I have to watch.   I steel myself and I feel my hair, feet and hands catch. The flames snake their way up my legs, up my arms and up my neck. I notice people stepping away in my peripheral. I hear the electricity buzz its way into his head and he starts screaming. The flames turn blue then white with heat and I see Pierce walking away. I can’t bring myself to look away from my soldier screaming in pain.   I open my eyes with a start and the room is dead silent. I’ve hit the floor and am on my knees, burning the shit out of the stone ground. The procedure is clearly over but no one moves. They all have their eyes, and a few guns, trained on me. The Russians are used to it, as is Petrovic, and only watch with pity in their eyes but the Americans are tense and wary with their guns pointed straight at my head.   It takes a moment to regain my movement and as I move to stand, I notice the flames are flickering high but only orange and yellow. The heat has gone down considerably. I slowly bring down the height of the flames until there are only a few tendrils of red dancing around my hands and then only smoke clings to me.   I make my way slowly to my soldier. He’s awake, barely. I touch his arm cautiously. He eyes me warily before recognition kicks in and he relaxes. I’m lucky that due to the programming, the cryo and the simple fact that I’m the one constant in his life he remembers me despite the wiping.   He’s released from the machine and sits up. Petrovic recites the words and he switches immediately.    “Soldat?”    “Ready to comply,” I back up and tune out of Petrovic giving him the standard briefing of the situation and HYDRA.     “Y/n,” I turn back around, “You’re on site at S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters. Not backup, not first aid. You’re with Rumlow until this one kills Rogers and Romanoff,” I hang my head and let out a high pitched moan. I really really don’t like Rumlow. He’s a type A alpha male with some sort of superiority complex and just overall unbearable.    “Can’t I just shadow him?” I jerk my head towards my soldier.    “Sorry, I advised that but Pierce prefers him to work alone,” Petrovic shrugs.   I know he wants to do more. The older Serbain man does have a heart. And that’s rare around here. He does his best to keep Soldat and I happy. I’ve known him since he was young and I’m sure he doesn’t like aging as the decades pass while Soldat and I stay young and unchanging.    “I hate Rumlow,” I mutter under my breath.   I’m flown out with Soldat by my side. He’s still nervous. I can tell. There’s so many reasons why I hate the reprogramming process. Just one of those reasons is working through him trusting me again. It doesn’t take long but right now he’s still going through his memories of me and placing me as a friend and caregiver rather than a threat or another official. I’d rather be talking to him and holding his hand right now. But I know from experience he’s completely out of it right now, just a few hours after being wiped, his eyes have been fixed on me since he was released. It’s definitely not fun. He’s probably coming to the conclusion that I’m on his side but I force myself to ignore it.   I tap my foot anxiously and pull out the small handmade chain around my neck from under the uniform. I slide my fingers over the intricate metal and Chungae’s face flashes into my mind. She’s the one who made it. I wonder briefly if she’s still alive before putting the thought out of my head. Even if she was, I’ll never see her again.   We land with a bump and I’m taken to the main control center of SHIELD while Soldat heads off to find Rogers. I hang around for a bit, uninterested in all the technology that surrounds me while the soldiers walk around, both observing and guarding. I fiddle with my chain again and wander around the room.   I pick up a pad of paper and find a pen. I settle on the floor in the corner of the room and scribble for a bit. I’m not an artist by any means. I have a notebook back in Siberia full of my drawings. Mostly just bits I can remember from my dreams.   When I snap out of my thoughts I look at the page. It’s full of eyes, my soldier’s face, HYDRA’s symbol, a moon with a hauntingly familiar face but I can’t remember where I’ve seen it, my chain wrapped around a hand, Chungae’s face.     “That’s beautiful,” I look up and see a girl with short blue hair leaning over me and studying the page.    “Thanks…”     “Really, you should post them,” I’m confused until I realise she’s talking about social media. Another advancement I’ve never had the opportunity to experience. I shrug and fold it up, tucking it into a pocket in my pants.     “I don’t like sharing them,”    “Understandable,” She smiles at me and then walks back over to her desk with two coffees in hand. Weird.    “Attention all SHIELD agents,” I stand up quickly. A voice over the PA rings across the room, “This is Steve Rogers,” Muttering fills the room, “You’ve heard a lot about me over the past few days. Some of you were even ordered to hunt me down. But I think it’s time you know the truth,” He pauses, “SHIELD is not what we thought it was. It’s been taken over by HYDRA. Alexander Pierce is their leader.” I notice Rumlow getting tense.   I slip out of the room and start walking down the hallways, looking for my soldier, “The STRIKE and Insight crew as well. I don’t know how many more, but I know they’re in the building. They could be standing right next to you,” Around this point I tune out and start thinking about where he might be.   Before I can make a decision, I hear feet pounding down the hallway. S.T.R.I.K.E. I slip into an office quickly until they’ve passed and their footsteps have disappeared.   Something tells me I need to find my soldier soon. The instinct is strong but I can’t think of an actual reason to believe it. I put it down to years of missions and knowing Soldat. Something’s very wrong but I don’t know what it is.   I hear the sirens go off and the building shakes. They’re sending the helicarriers up. I lock myself in a dark office and decide to wait it out.   I don’t know how long it is before explosions shake the whole building. I sit for a moment before I take flight. I sprint down hallways to reach the stairs and run all the way down to the ground floor and outside. I watch as the helicarriers crash. My soldier. I notice figures falling into the lake.   I walk around to find myself in the treeline near the bank. I wait. I see someone dragging another person out of the lake. I recognise the silver arm of my soldier. He reaches the bank and drops what I assume to be Rogers. He stands still for a moment before turning and heading in my direction. I step out into the open and we make eye contact.    “Let’s go,” He says, holding his hand out.  I take his hand and, as I always have done, follow my soldier wherever he goes. 

Part 5

[kweebtrash]

Can I Love Like This? (M)

Messy Chapter 6

Pairing(s): OC X Johnny 

Genre: College AU, Fuckboy AU, Angst, Smut

Summary: Fuckboys are basically good for one thing. You hit it and quit it- except when his voice draws you in, his body keeps you there, and dumb ass feelings linger making things particularly messy.

Warnings:  description/discussions of sexual assaults, beginnings of codependency, light drinking/drug use, unhealthy coping mechanisms, anxiety attack/night terrors, a little bit of a “i can fix/help you attitude”, a little jealousssyyyyyyyyyy

Features: slight daddy kink (daddy/princess), a lot of making out and ass grabbing (because johnny’s a slut), a little bit of grinding, blow jobs, unprotected sex/pulling out, slow fucking/riding, scratching, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, oh and cock warming

Word Count: around 13.5k

A/N: There’s no group chat at the end so I’m sorry! I know a lot of people like them because they’re funny but for some of the serious chapters there won’t be. Towards the end, the songs referenced are Chase Atlantics “Dancer in the Dark” and “Into It”.

Messy Masterlist    Buy me a Ko-Fi  Other Stories

Johnny's POV

I stood quiet as I was unsure as to why she was crying. It happened so suddenly that I stopped talking, pausing to see if she would gather herself. I had told her what happened after the rave and everything that transpired the past couple of weeks. It was definitely hard to say the whole truth. Jae had only gotten the cliffnotes version; i wasn't exactly comfortable telling him everything even though he was my best friend. For some reason though, with Eri, I felt like I could tell her anything and she wouldn't think less of me. I just didn't expect her to cry.

“I'm so sorry, Johnny.” She managed to squeak through her hiccuped breaths.

I scooted closer to her. “For what?”

“For not being there for you…”

“How could you have been? I pushed you away. I needed some time to myself. Shit got heavy really fast and I stayed roped in this mess. I just felt stupid. I knew i shouldn't have taken the pill but I did. And if i hadn't maybe i would've avoided all this.”

“Dont ever blame yourself, ok? We make mistakes but that doesn't warrant anyone getting ra-”

I grabbed her shoulder, more intensely than i should have but i couldn't bear to hear what she was about to say just yet. “Please don't say that word. Just don't.”

She pursed her lips together and pulled her knees to her chest. I sighed and raised my hand to wipe away the smudge-y black tears staining her cheek. She turned towards my touches, slowly falling into my chest and holding onto me tight. It felt good to be held like this. I didn't realize i was even craving it until now. A warm touch that wasn't full of violence or ill will finally made me feel like I could breathe again. Like my safety net has been casted and I could fall into it without worry. “I don't want this to happen to you again. I want to be there for you.”

“It wouldn't be the first time.” I shrugged simply.

Eri looked at me in surprise and as if another round of tears were about to break through at any moment. “What do you mean? T-this has happened before?”

“Something similar, i guess.” I set my head in the palm of my hand as she pulled away to give me room to breath. “When i was younger i hooked up with an older chick which was a big mistake. I wasn't really experienced at the time so I let her take control. So she asked me to go down on her-this was my first time doing it- and then she kinda...she like held me there. I couldn't really breathe so i started to panic and tried to push her away. She didn't let go. When she finally did I didn't want to do anything after but I guess she convinced me or guilted me into having sex after.”

“Oh my god...that's why you dont-”

I nodded.

Her semi silent tears exploded again and i wanted to shake her. There wasn't any need to cry over me or even take pity upon me.  “Eri, stop it. Stop crying.”

“Don't tell me to stop crying! All this shit happened to you and it makes me pissed! Im angry you felt like you couldn't tell anyone. I'm upset at myself for not being there for you. I feel guilty for all those times i asked you to go down on me. And worst of all i want to hurt the bitches that did this to you. Like really hurt them.”

“Don't. I just wanted you to know. I was the one that felt guilty about leaving you on read. I got swallowed up by everything and it was like I wasn't allowed to even be with my friends. I'm thankful that you're worried about me and i'm definitely glad you're here with me now but I don't want to focus on the bad stuff anymore...can we just, maybe, stop talking about it?”

Eri wiped at the tears and nodded. “Yeah, yeah! Shit, of course. I’m sorry. You don’t have to think of it anymore because of me.” She enveloped me in another death grip hug, plastering me to her chest. I wrapped my arms around her waist, setting my head on her shoulder and closing my eyes for just a moment. I could smell her- the mintiness of her shampoo, the florals of her perfume, and the underlying muskiness of our sex. Paired with the heat of her body it was the most comforting thing i had felt all month. I sighed softly, giving her shoulder a quick kiss before pulling away. I kept my hands on her waist and looked up at her. “Do you...will you stay here tonight?”

“Duh.” She smiled. “I'd be totally okay with that.” I reciprocated her smile and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. She stayed close, adding a few more pecks until i leaned into her harder. Her hands fell to my shoulders, gripping them tightly as mine slipped to her hips. Just as I beckoned for her to part her lips she pulled away, leaving me confused. “Um...is this ok?” She whispered, nibbling on her lip nervously.

“If it was okay in the bathroom, why wouldn’t it be okay now?” I scoffed.

“Because...of everything we just talked about. I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable. Remember how you did the same for me at the beach? I want to be sure you don’t feel-”

“I don’t feel like shit when I’m with you Eri, trust me. I guess I never told you but...don’t take this the wrong way ok? But like-” I exhaled deeply and dropped my head back onto the seat of the couch. “But when we fuck I don’t feel like anything’s wrong. I don’t feel like I have to be in my head, or wrapped up in shit that’s happened to me, or even like I’m rushing through it just to get off. It feels good.” I could see the hint of redness color her cheeks and it made my palms sweat. I pulled them away from her hips and wiped them furiously on my jeans, failing at trying to be as casual as I could be. I didn’t want it to seem like it was something that would ruin our fuck buddy relationship. I didn’t want that at all.

“I'm glad i can make you feel good. That's all i want, Johnny.” She said softly.

“C'mere.” I sighed, pulling her into my lap. “Promise me you wont worry about me that much?”

“Absolutely not.” She adjusted herself so that she straddled my thighs. “All i'm gonna do is worry about you now. You big dumb ass.” She resumed her gentle kisses and I dove back in to trying to pull more out of her. Anything to get my mind off of this. Too many emotions at once gave me a sick panicky feeling and retreating to sex was my comfort zone of all things, especially with Eri. With all the heavy talk I wanted to go back to burying it deep down inside my brain and my heart, trapped with all the other shit i had been through. I wanted to move on. I wanted to be free. Maybe i should be taking more time to properly heal and process it but i just wasn't capable of doing that. At least not now. Maybe somewhere down the line when i was in my mid thirties and having a crisis in therapy I could address it. But for now I was content with shoving it aside and convincing myself that I was alright. I need that intimate touch with Eri to help me forget and metaphorically wash away the dead feeling my body had from having sex with a destructive force of nature. I let my mind snap back to our kiss just as her lips parted and I could slip my tongue in. I sighed into her mouth, moving past my traumatic thoughts and letting my fingers trail up and down her spine.

Getting lost in her lips was a better addiction than any drug I'd ever done before. The way they felt against mine made me never want to stop kissing her. I didn't need to breathe, i just needed her against me. Her fingers crept into my hair, twirling around a few strands. Just as I kissed at her bottom lip she let out a soft whimper. “It still hurts, jerk.”

I smiled a bit, remembering my handiwork of almost tearing into the tenderness of her lips. A little part of me liked it, making it akin to her knowing that she was mine in that moment. “Oh, now you're gonna complain, princess?”

“D-dont call me that.” She whispered, touching her fingers to her tender lip.

“Why?”

“Because it's...i mean it goes with the whole...um-uh-" She turned her voice down to a whisper. “Daddy thing.”

Shit. I had almost forgotten about that. But how could I? It triggered something in me. Something i never even knew I desired. It made me want to do filthy flithy things and get lost in the way she begged for me. My own cheeks started to heat up just at the thought. “Right...so...uh...is that a thing between us now or?”

“I dont know! I mean it's still...there's like more to it than just the name and I dont think it's gonna be your gig!”

“How do you know that?” I tapped her forehead with mine gently and gave her another kiss. “Maybe I like all the shit you're into.”

“Name one single kink you have.”

“I like the hair pulling.”

“That's like normal people stuff, Johnny.” She practically laughed. “All i'm saying is that there's dynamics, trust, and learning that goes with using that word. It's more complicated than you think.”

“Does it mean i can control you?”

“EXCUSE.” She yelled.

“WHAT!? I'm just asking. I'm curious. Can't i be curious?”

“Well yeah but...i didn't think we'd be having this conversation so suddenly and especially not after everything that's happened.”

“I still like sex, Eri. I still want to have sex. I want to have good sex so that way my body doesn't shut down completely and i'm reminded of what it's like to not have control. Hence, why I asked. Can i have control of you?”

“Well...i mean…” she fidgeted against me and groped at the ends her hair. This was the first time I had ever really seen her so docile. It was a bit strange but i was beginning to like it almost as much as i liked her fiery “take no bullshit” personality. “Not all the time. Only in the bedroom, or bathroom...or i guess bumper cars too.”

“Interesting.” So she was giving me permission. Now what to do with that exactly. I was diving into new territory and while it was a hell of a lot more frightening than it was thrilling, the spark of curiosity was ever growing. Control was something I definitely needed during sex. I wouldn't be able to function without it. I didn't exactly see it as a kink thing, it was more of a me thing and how my mind reacted when I fucked. It was like a defensive mechanism that went off as soon as I was in someone. “Ok. So...another thing.” I started.

“Oh boy.” She took a deep breath and exhaled dramatically. “What else?”

“The choking.”

She scrunched up her body and wiggled in the most uncomfortable way. “Right. Uh...that's a thing I like. Not everyone does and you don't have to do it if you don't want to! And if you're trying to be kinky because of me you really really don't have to. I can have regular sex.”

“I want to try some things. The choking is a bit much but if you're okay with it and if i'm doing it right then maybe i'd be willing to do it again.” I confessed.

She covered her face and dove her head into my chest. “Oh my god. I can't believe we're doing this.”

“Why are you so off put by us doing it but not by Ten or Yuta?”

“Because!” She said, practically muffled by the barriers of our skin. “I never expected this from you! It's a little weird!”

“What's so weird about it?”

“I-you- we...ugh, i don't know! I guess i just…” She didn't look at me when she trailed off in her thoughts. She tugged harder on her hair, pulling a few strands free. I pulled her hands away before it got any worse.

“You're stressed.” I noted.

“It's a lot in one night to process. And i know you want to talk about this stuff between us right now because you want to ignore what happened. I get that, i really do. It feels good to ignore shit but it's a ticking time bomb.”

“I know that. The bomb has exploded a few times but it's all I can do right now. If you dont want to talk about kink stuff or sex or my life then that's fine.”

“Nonononono!” She waved her hand frantically as if to stop me. “I do! I like our talk but i'm...i don't want it to get too messy between us. I take the kink thing seriously. They're different relationships compared to romances or friendships, though they can cross over. So even if mutual friends do it and something happens where there’s disconnect or trust issues than it can be difficult to repair that. On top of that, you and I are-we're really connected. I keep forgiving you, you keep thinking about me. We're fucking stupid.”

“That's for damn sure. I know what I want from you.” I lied. “It's just sex.” Idiot, stop talking right now. “That's all it is, Eri.” Jesus christ, why do you do this to yourself?

It may have been in my imagination but maybe her deep brown eyes showed a hint of hurt in them. She quickly smiled as if would create a clean slate. “Well duh!” She laughed, which seemed a bit forced. “What else would it be! We're just friends. Who fuck. A lot. Just friends.”

I nodded, feeling my heart clench behind my rib cage. My mind was screaming to blurt out that I liked her but the chains that shackled me to my inability to fully trust anyone prevented me from heading in that new direction. “Just friends.”

She returned my nod as if we had just sealed a pact. “Um...so we're friends. Who fuck. And now you want to try being my-” She whispered again like the word was suddenly going to condemn her. “Daddy.”

“I mean…” What the fuck did I even mean? “Yes?”

She flopped into my chest again and i could tell we were on the same level of confusion, exhaustion, and frustration. Eri had been right all along and I should've listened to her. It was too much all at once. “Hey, do you want some clothes to change into so that way you're not all covered in straps and buckles and shit?” I said, trying to flip the conversation entirely.

“Oh!” She seemed grateful for the change of pace. “Yes, please. I'm ready to yeet this damn bra off.”

“What's your costume even supposed to be anyway?” I asked.

“I dont know,” She shrugged. “I just put together anything that looked slutty. Call me like a black cat or something.”

I flicked the metal o-ring on her collar. “Yeah, with your kitty collar.” I meant it as a joke but i could see by the way her she ducked her head and avoided me that she was thinking of something else. “Eri, oh my god.”

“What?! I didn't say anything!”

“You didn't have to, you kinky slut. I didn't mean it like that.” She hit my chest playfully.

“Shut up!” Eri shimmied off me and stood up between my legs. Her thighs were in my face now and i couldn't help but run my hands over them and cup her ass. This was my favorite part about her and i could kiss them for hours if she let me. I felt her tap my forehead. “Now you're being the slut. Come pick something for me to wear. I don't know where your clothes are.”

I patted her ass, beckoning her to move so i could get up myself. She moved back and headed towards my room. I was still slowly getting up from the floor when i heard her gasp. “What happened?!” I panicked and went to her side. I didn't see anything out of the ordinary though. “What's wrong?”

“Who's room is this? It's so clean!” She clutched her chest, over dramatically, and looked around. “There's no starbucks cups! And it smells so nice! Clothes are in the laundry basket! Oh my!”

“Ha ha, very funny. Sometimes cleaning your room during a severe depression episode helps. I just wanted something to help make me feel better.”

I went over to my closet while she poked around still raptured by the fact that she could now see my floor. I pushed through some of my gym shirts and button ups and found a hoodie that i thought might fit her. I pulled it out, waiting to hand it over to her, when i saw her fingers dancing over the keys of my electric keyboard. Her attention turned towards my acoustic guitar after, her head cocking just a bit to the side.

“So i'm not the only one with a music secret?”

“I dont keep it a secret. I make music with the guys all the time. It's just been really hard lately.”

“Mhm…” Eri pressed her lips together, her eyes darting to the left as if she was mulling over something. “So...if you're in journalism are you doing music journalism like I am?”

I shook my head and kind of laughed. I guess school and life shit never came up between us when we were fucking each others brains out. “No, photojournalism actually. I'm getting a minor in music production but I want to do mostly photojournalism.”

“I don't think you can get a degree by taking thirst trap gym pictures for instagram, Johnny boy.” She nudged my shoulder back playfully and i just rolled my eyes at her.

“I don't just take those kinds of pictures. I do other stuff. Better stuff. More meaningful stuff.” I leaned back against my dresser, the hoodie still in hand as i waited for her to start disrobing. She began with the collar, unbuckling it from around her neck and letting it fall against the harness. She turned towards me when she struggled to get to the straps behind her. I set the hoodie between my knees and pried at the metal clusterfuck. She pulled her hair over her shoulders. My eyes instantly went to the tattoos she had across her shoulder blades. I was tracing over the designs in my mind, falling deep in thought and not hearing what she was saying. I trailed up to her neck and could see the faintest dark mark from where my fingers dug into her throat. I swallowed hard. I don't know what had possessed me to give in to what she wanted. Choking wasn't something i had ever wanted to do yet she had somehow seduced me into it like some sort of vinyl clad succubus that had control over me with that little word she mistakenly (or not so mistakenly) uttered.

She looked back at me. “Did you hear me?”

“Huh? What?” I blinked and refocused on getting the straps of the harness loose. “Uh, what did you say?”

She pulled off the harness and took off her bra, sighing in relief. “I said i want to see some of your “meaningful stuff” since you said you're not always taking thirst trap pics and gym selfies.”

“Oh! Uh...i mean sure.” I handed her the hoodie which she slipped on before discarding the rest of her clothes and her boots. She looked much more cozy than before and i found myself preferring this look rather than her glammed up dominatrix gear. The sleeves of my hoodie were too long for her arms, dangling far past her small hands. She swung her arms a bit, wiggling her hips as she watched the excess fabric flop around. I couldn't help but laugh. “What the hell are you doing?”

She wiggled her arms out at me. “I don't know. They're so long on me it makes me think of an octopus.” She shrugged and became a little bit more reserved. “Sorry, i kinda do weird shit all the time.”

“Yeah, you definitely are weird that's for sure.”

“Tell me something I dont know.”

“I used to do this parrot impression for my mom when i was a kid.” I said.

“What in the fuck?” She laughed, covering half of her face with her sleeves as if to hide from second hand embarrassment.

“That's something you don't know but now you do. And i would show it to you but i don't think you deserve to see my great skill.”

“PLEASE, spare me. I don't want to hear you squawk like a parrot for the love of god.” She pawed at me with her hand as she stepped closer and set her head on my chest. I subconsciously wrapped my arm around her shoulders and pulled out my phone. I went to my photography Instagram and held it out for her to see.

“But anyway, parrot impression aside, here's my photography stuff. I mean it's not great or anything but...you know, i like it.”

She pushed the sleeves up her arms until her little hands were free and grabbed my phone, scrolling through my pictures. I felt my heartbeat increase with nervousness. I think i might've been scared to hear what she actually thought of my work; i guess i was putting value on her opinions and possibly wanting to...impress her? I was half prepared to hear that it all sucked but definitely not prepared for what she actually said.

“Johnny, you're so beautiful.”

I whipped my head towards her, stunned completely at those little words that i had never heard coupled together in my entire life. “W-what?” She angled my phone so i could see a self portrait i had done of me during the sunset. I thought it was a weak composition but for her to think that i was actually...beautiful? “It’s just...it's just a self portrait. I was just trying to experiment with lighting and-”

“You're beautiful, idiot. And talented. I love all of these.” She scrolled some more and almost let out a dreamy sigh. “This one...this one is perfect.” The new tile she had expanded was that of my eye filtering through the brightness of the sun and bringing out the kaleidoscope of colors my iris could make. Her cheeks looked a little warmer and i could have sworn she had let out a tiny giggle of pleasure.

“What? It's just my eye.”

“Yeah but your eyes are that perfect shade of brown that can do all sorts of things. I remember at the party right before you kissed me, the kitchen light reflected in them and they turned into a warm honey color and it was...um...nice. Sorry…” Her excitement seemed to die down and she handed my phone back to me. “I kinda made it weird…”

My palms were started to sweat again and i couldn't quite figure out how to respond. No one had ever talked about me or any of my features in that manner. I could say the same about her but currently my throat was turning into a knot. I pulled away from her and tossed my phone on my desk trying to focus on anything else. She padded over to my bed and sat down, keeping her distance and vow of silence. The only thing that interrupted it was the loud growl from her stomach. I couldn’t help but stifle a laugh. “I take it you’re hungry?”

“Well...It may have been like...6 hours since I actually ate at work.”

“Eri. Seriously?”

“Look, I had to start getting ready for the party. It takes me an hour and a half to look like this!” She circled her hand around her face that (though a little messed up now) had makeup caked on that made her look like some alternative Instagram model.

“Oh my god. Ok, can I interest you in a carpet picnic of-” I thought to what I had in my fridge. “A bunch of pizza rolls and french fries, a half bottle of bottom shelf whiskey, and some cigarettes that you entirely loathe but will smoke anyway?”

“Oh Johnny!” She giggled jokingly. “How utterly romantic. You know a way directly to my heart.”

I shrugged. “What can I say, i’m a charmer. I’m gonna put the pizza rolls in.”

“Uh, should I just stay in here?”

I shrugged. “Do whatever you want, babe.” I headed towards the kitchen and grabbed the giant bag of pizza rolls and fries from the freezer. I pulled a mostly clean baking sheet from the oven and dumped the food on it. I tried to remember when I even kept the shitty whiskey. I checked the fridge and thankfully it was way in the back behind some old chinese cartons and milk. I pulled it out and set it on the counter, finding some leftover plastic shot glasses I normally used for parties. Just as i was setting the food in the oven she joined me in the kitchen, hopping onto the counter and opening the whiskey.

She poured out two shots and held it out to me. “You need it.”

“I need to become an alcoholic to deal with all the shit im going through.” I chuckled. We held up the glasses up in a silent toast before tossing them back. She instantly poured us another one.

“Don't become an alcoholic. I'm already the alcoholic in this relationship. You're the delinquent drug user and nymphomaniac.”

“Excuse me. I am not a nympho. I can go without sex.”

“Wanna bet?” She smirked and tossed back another shot.

“No. I know i'd lose.”

“I know, that's why i want to. Since i'll win i can ask you to do a favor for me.”

“Oh no.” I protested already seeing that devilish look in her eye. “I don't trust you.”

“C'mooonnn. Dont be a chicken. I won't make it so bad. Let's see if you can last until tomorrow. I'll make it easy.” She propositioned.

“Fine. I can do until tomorrow.” I drank my shot and set it down on the counter, rubbing my chest at the after burn.

Suddenly, Eri was caressing my face, guiding me towards her for a gentle kiss. “In all seriousness i'm glad you're okay after everything. Physically, i mean. I'm sure you're still working on the mentally.”

“I'll be fine, Eri. One day at a time, yeah?”

She nodded and hummed a little in agreement. My lips hovered over hers for a moment, hesitating before giving in. I wrapped my hand around hers, pulling it away from my face to entwine our fingers together. Our kiss was much more slower than before, so that way she wouldn't complain about me hurting her sore lip. Between our tongues tangling I could hear the soft moan of my name. I pulled away just a bit. “Hmm?”

“I could kiss you for hours.” She confessed, adding a gentle squeeze to my hand. I nodded against her, my breath speeding up as my heart thundered.

“That's for damn sure. You're always driving me crazy with those lips of yours.”

“I could say the same about you.” She sealed her statement with another kiss, driving us into another session unaffected by time and boredom. That was until i smelled the beginnings of something burning.

“Fuck!” I pulled away from her quickly and rushed to grab a pot holder. I opened the oven door and saw that the pizza rolls were getting a bit too brown but I was able to save them before they were little charcoal blocks. I took the whole pan out and set it on top of the stove to let it cool. 

“Good job, chef.” Eri chuckled as she poked at me with her foot.

“Well, if I hadn't been distracted then maybe I could've taken them out in time.” I swatted at her foot gently, scrunching away when she continued her playful pokes. “I'm gonna beat your little ass.” I joked.

She jumped down from the counter and over my shoulder I could see her walking towards the couch. “Ooh, spank me, Daddy.” I could tell she was joking but the coy little look on her face told me she was still testing those forbidden awkward waters. I shook my head; this chick was ridiculous and I loved it. I grabbed some plates for us and loaded them up, tucking the bottle of whiskey under my arm as i balanced everything. I set the plates down on the coffee table and plopped down beside her in front of the couch.

“Wanna watch something?” I suggested.

She nodded. “Put a scary movie on or a serial killer documentary. It helps me fall asleep.” She ended her sentence with a yawn.

“You fall asleep to the sound of people getting murdered?”

“Yeah, doesn't everyone?” She laughed. “I’m just used to the sounds and the documentaries are soft spoken. It's nice background sounds.”

“Alright, weirdo.” I complied with her request, searching through my netflix for something she deemed interesting enough. We eventually settled on Friday the 13th and fell into a rhythm of eating, laughing at the terrible acting, and Eri telling me her favorite things about scary movies. It was almost stereotypical but she was absolutely adorable when she got so passionate about describing her favorite type of movie blood, murder weapon, and trope. Occasionally she would feed me a pizza roll or french fry and laugh when it was too hot and burned my tongue. Spending time like this, just hanging out without any craziness, parties, or people around us was amazing. She was becoming more than just a pretty face and a sex god. She was actually showing her personality. It was my turn to say that she was showing her humanity.

When the food was done and whiskey gone i realized that we were cuddled up together in front of the couch. I had gotten a blanket from my room to make sure she was warm enough and changed into some temporary pjs. Her eyelids were getting heavier and she was on the verge of completely passing out. “Eri, baby, you want to go to my bed?”

She perked her head up, sleepily. “No, no. We're watching the movie.”

“It's almost done.”

“Hmm, stay here.” She tugged on my shirt, keeping me close. I sighed and complied, even though my ass was starting to get sore from sitting on the floor all this time. I kissed the top of her head before sinking down so i could rest my head in her lap. It gave my back a break and my tailbone some room to breathe. Her fingers combed through my hair, pushing it back and scratching at my scalp every once in awhile. That in of itself was like a lullaby to me. I felt my eyes getting heavy and heard the soft hums of a song i half recognized. I set her other hand on my stomach, letting her fingers crawl underneath my tank top to rub at the skin there. This was amazing. Everything felt so warm and perfect and I thought I could finally sleep in peace.

But I was fucking wrong.

I don't know how long it took for me to slip into a panic. Flashes of Rixi and my past mistakes were dancing behind my fluttering eyelids and I tried to push them away. My breath was gone. All i could do was let out a harsh rasp as if something was choking the life out of me. My heart felt like it was going to explode any moment. The damn void surrounded me and swallowed me up, replaying my internal screams until i felt my body shake hard.

“Hey, hey! Johnny, baby, look at me. Are you ok?”

My eyes flew open and I shot up, trying to suck in air with heavy gasps. I felt sweat pouring down the sides of my face. I was trembling and couldn't control it. It finally clicked that I was at home and had been for a few hours. Eri was still beside me, complete fear staining her face. Her silhouette was surrounded by the light of the tv in an almost angelic halo. My heart continued to storm throughout my entire system and made my ears thunder. My breath still couldn't catch up with the rest of my body and it was a battle to try and focus on getting a single inhale. I could see her mouth moving but the words weren't registering. I tried clutching at her, screaming for her to help pull me out, but my limbs were dead and it felt like she was still out of my grasp no matter if I tried or not.

“Johnny! Look at me! I need you to focus!” I heard her snap her fingers as she turned my head towards her. Her voice was finally hitting my ear drums and I blinked a few times as I came out of my confused stupor. She set one of my hands over her heart. “Do you feel the way I’m breathing? I need you to do that with me right now.”

I looked down at my hand then back up at her, still unable to speak. Beneath my fingers her heart was beating a little fast but her breaths were much more steady than my own. She inhaled, holding it for a moment before letting it go. “With me Johnny, come on. In and out.” She repeated her steady breaths and I inhaled with her. A sharp pain swam through my chest but I forced myself through it to exhale. In and out, in and out, over and over until the weight lifted off my ribs. God, i wanted to cry. This one was so much worse then the ones i had nights before. It scared me shitless. I pulled away from Eri and tried to stand up. “Hey, take it easy. Relax for a second.” She said, grabbing a hold of my arm to keep me down beside her.

“Let me go.” I said, more sternly than I should have. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do or how to calm down. I shook off her grip on me and went to my room, spending my time pacing like a mad man. Eventually she made her way over to the doorway, waiting for me to acknowledge her.

“Johnny…” She said softly. I shook my head, not knowing what for. Did I need space? Did I want space from her? I shook out my hands nervously, continuing my pacing. She took a tentative step towards me and tried reaching out. “Hey, I can help you through this you know.”

“You don’t-” I took another breath. “You don’t know how this feels.” My voice was a shaky mess.

“Hah,” she scoffed. “Good assumption. Trust me. I’ve had panic attacks where I went unconscious and barely remember what happened. I know what it’s like to go through something as serious as this. But you’ve got too much going on in your body right now. If you don’t take a second to stop you are literally going to make things worse.”

“I know how my fuckin’ body reacts, okay?!” I yelled. She nodded solemnly and kept quiet. I was lashing out just because I never wanted anyone to see me have a night terror. I wasn’t ready for that level of vulnerability yet, especially not with my fuck buddy that I thought about constantly and wanted to save me from myself. It was layer after layer of toxic thoughts but I just couldn’t help it. I wanted to kick her out but at the same time I wanted her to stay. I wanted her against me, i wanted her voice to keep guiding me through this. I wanted to be inside her. I wanted to drink. I wanted to smoke. I wanted to be a destructive force and I had to stop. Please, I need it to stop. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

“I know, I know. Is it okay if I touch you or are you still hypersensitive?”

“Ye-yeah, it’s ok. I was just-”

“Confused, I know.” She stepped closer and grabbed onto me, gently pushing me towards the bed. I sat on the edge, my leg bouncing furiously. She took my face in her hands and guided me to look in her eyes. “I’m right here. I’m staying right here. Do you know what you need?”

“Can you get the weed out my drawer?”

“I don��t think that may be best right now.” She said.

“I literally smoke it for anxiety.”

“Yeah but...no offense- actually kind of full offense- you’re broke. You don’t get good stuff or medicinal quality shit. It’s honestly just a coping mechanism like your regular cigarettes are at this point. If you smoke enough you could probably trip but i feel like it’s going to fuck up your system. We can lay down together instead.”

“No. I’ll just get it myself.” I stood up, still unable to stay in one place for long, but she kept her small frame in front of me in hopes of blocking my every move. “Eri, move.”

“Johnny, please just hear me out-”

“Move!”

She set the sweater sleeves over her face, hiding from me completely. She finally stepped away and I could hear her small sniffles. Guilt was riddling my stomach as I went to my drawer and got out the cigarette case that held all my blunts. I lit one up, taking in a deep exhale and holding it in until it burned. “I hate seeing you like this…” She whispered.

“Yeah, well I fuckin’ hate being like this, but here we are. You can leave if you want to. Nothing’s keeping you here, especially if you don’t like what I’m doing.”

“I don’t...you need someone. I’m okay with being that someone.”

“I don’t need anyone.”

“That’s the problem in the first place Johnny. You’re closing yourself off. You have moments when you let people in but not enough for anyone to truly help you.”

“Maybe I don’t want help.” I lied.

“You do. I know you do. I know I can’t break that wall down in a day but you can trust me to be right here.”

I took another hit and kept my back towards her. We stayed in silence for a bit more while I mulled over her words. I knew what she was doing was exactly what I needed, but my defense mechanism to block out everyone was in overdrive. She was never supposed to see me this weak. No one was. I rested my elbows on top of my dressed and cradled my head in my hands. I could feel a tension headache surmounting in the back of my skull making my head pound. The shaking in my hands continued even as I puffed away. When one was done, I lit another without a moment in between, stuffing my almost full ashtray even more. Soon enough I felt her fingers grace my shoulders. The way she looked at me had me hating myself. “I don’t know what I want Eri.” My voice cracked and I took a smaller hit, trying to push back the tears that were threatening to fall.

She stood on her tiptoes, slowly moving her hands up my chest until they wrapped around my neck. I set the blunt in the ashtray and turned towards her fully setting my hands underneath her ass to pull her against me more. She kissed me then, drawn out and cautious, letting the reminder of smoke i held in flow into her mouth. Her tongue drew mines out, sucking on it deeply as her fingers danced at the nape of my neck. “This isn't good for you either.” She gasped in between the few moments of our lips parting.

“What do you mean?”

“Me.”

“You are. You're good. Too damn good for me.” I pressed my forehead against hers and begged for another kiss. She kept herself at bay, shaking her head as she moved to cup my neck.

“We shouldn't do this. It's not healthy.”

“Coming from someone who drinks and parties her problems away, i don't think either of us are fuckin’ healthy right now.”

“I try not to…” She whimpered and I realized it might have stung more than I intended. “But that's why I said I understand everything. We go through the same shit. We know when things are wrong but-”

“We keep doing them. Every time, i come back to you.”

“Yeah…” Her hand caressed my face now, her eyes flowing up towards mine to reflect every ounce of hurt I felt. “Why is fucking our solution to everything?”

I closed my eyes and grabbed a firm hold of her ass to pull her up around my waist. She wrapped her bare legs around me, squeezing me to the warmth between her thighs. I swallowed hard. “Because, nothing feels better than drowning in someone rather than dealing with pain and heartache.”

“I just want to help. I just want to make you feel better, John…” She buried her face in my neck, gripping onto me like she was going to lose me then and I led her to my bed, laying her down gently. “I don't know how else to do it, Johnny. Tell me.”

“You. Give me you.” I exhaled and pressed myself harder against her, keeping her legs wrapped around me tight. I got lost in her lips again while my hands grabbed and caressed everything I could. Her chest filled up my palm and I kneaded her breast with everlasting attention. Her tiny and barely audible moans coated my tongue as she sucked it into her mouth. My brows furrowed and i ground my hips into her center letting her know that it was exactly what I wanted. Though she looked so perfect in my hoodie I needed it off her. I reluctantly left her breast and slid my hand under the fabric, shoving it towards her shoulders. She wiggled her arms free before pulling me back down to her again. My lips covered her neck this time, flowing over the imprint I had left behind earlier.

Meanwhile, she was exploring the expanse of my back, her hands creeping lower until she grabbed my ass. The thin fabric between wasn't enough to keep her warmth or wetness away from me. If anything it drew me in more, as if i was under a spell and needed to feel how i felt just hours before. My body tensed in anticipation and i could feel myself stirring again with renewed vigor. “Let me take care of you, yeah?” She ran her fingers through my hair again, her voice a sweet invitation to pleasure. I nodded eagerly, ready to feel any and every inch of her skin against mine. She gripped my hair and used the force in her thighs to push me down on the bed, switching our positions so she was on top. I sucked in a breath, biting my lip  as I watched every move she made. My hands moved on their own accord, sliding over her thighs and grabbing a hold of the waistband of her panties. I gave her a little tug, making her fall forwards onto my chest. She planted her hand beside my head, steadying herself a bit. “You need to let me do this for you.”

“I'm letting you.” I whispered, truly believing that she was in control but she shook her head at me, snubbing me as a liar.

“No, you're not. Relax, Johnny. Don't you think i know how to treat my man?” My eyes widened at her words and my body stiffened as her lips trailed a fiery path down my throat towards my chest. I was trying to form a response but my brain faded as soon as I felt her nails drag down my ribs and her tongue flash over my nipple. I couldn’t help the curses I whispered or the fact that my hand gripped the back of her head, planting her there. The way her tongue and teeth ran over that sensitive area had me throbbing and arching towards her body. Her nails eased down from my ribs over to my stomach until they reached my pants. She pulled away from me and shuffled herself off the bed to pull them off. I lifted my hips to help her and tossed away my tank top, feeling a bit more free and less suffocated.

“What about those?” I motioned towards the simple black thong she had on. I wanted to see her again, especially as I thrusted inside her.

She shook her head. “Be patient.” She pressed herself onto her knees and spread my thighs a bit wider. I shuffled up more on the bed giving her a bit more room to comfortably stay between my legs and suck me down. My head rested back against my pillow as her lips sealed around my cock, sliding down my shaft and covering my veins in her tongue. She was driving strangled pants out of me already and I couldn't help but dig my hand into her curls again. Her hands rubbed my inner thighs, spreading warmth over them before maneuvering down to cup my balls. Her thumb rolled over each one, adding pressure every so often as her cheeks started to hollow out around as much as she could handle. I licked my lips and tried to keep as quiet as I could but this was bliss.

She popped off my cock and planted kisses to the underside of my shaft. Her mouth went lower and her tongue traced the same pattern her thumbs had across my balls. One after the other she took them into her warm wet heat and I pulled at her hair hard, wanting to fill her mouth entirely. She whimpered, the small timbre making me shudder and ease out her name within a groan. “Fuck...Eri…”

I wasn't even looking down at her but I could feel those dark eyes on me, watching my every breath and tense of my muscles. My hips could only try and press up towards her lips though she denied that satisfaction. She moved even lower, kissing and adding heated kitten licks to the sensitive area behind my balls. My body shot up, my legs tensing completely. She looked up at me innocently enough, her ass poised in the air and lips glistening. “Relax, it feels good. Trust me.”

“What is it?” I swallowed thickly.

She smirked and almost giggled. “Don’t worry.” She set her hand on my chest and pushed me back down onto the mattress while her other fingers danced across that sensitive patch of skin she had discovered. My thighs almost bucked closed but she made sure she could keep them open. She kept her place between them, taking me in her mouth again. The combination of her teasing and deep sucks made me cover my mouth to shield any loud moans from escaping. My other hand left her hair to clutch at the sheets beside me, trembling as I fisted them tight. Her tongue slid over my slit, dipping in and drawing out the bit of pre cum already leaking. I felt a throb straight through my length. It made my toes curl and my back arch a bit. I could feel my orgasm approaching and I didn’t want it to end just yet.

“Eri!”

She jumped up, licking her lips and looking at me wide eyed. “W-what?”

“N-not...um, not yet.”

She smiled and crawled her way up to my face. “Don’t worry, you’ll be inside me when you do.”

“F-fuck…” I shuddered at her words and kissed her hard, letting her wrap her delicate fingers around me and give a few pulls to my already heated and sensitive cock. I set my hand on her ass, grabbing a hold of her stupid panties and tearing at them. “N-need...now.”

She wiggled out of them, kicking them off her ankle before beckoning me on top of her. Her wish was my command and soon enough I was looking down at her as her lip stayed trapped between her teeth and she guided me in. “Slow,” She whispered. “I’m still a bit sore from earlier.”

I nodded and sunk into her heated depths. I loved the way she wrapped around me, suffocated me, letting me go as deep as I could. I set my head beside hers on the pillow, adding small kisses to her shoulder and collar bone. I heard her wince as I started my first thrust, making me stop. “Sssh, daddy’s got you.” Wait, whoa fuck. I pressed my lips together, my body frozen. Shit, i really said that. But Eri didn’t seem at all embarrassed unlike I was. Instead, she wrapped her arms under my own, spreading her fingers across my shoulder blades as she held on. If she wasn’t going to acknowledge it then I would pretend it never happened either.

“Keep going…” She said. “Please…”

This was what she wanted then. She liked what i had said and the fact that I needed her this much. Maybe she needed me as much as I needed her. Maybe we were made for each other. I shook my head and sunk my teeth into her shoulder, her pained whimper filling my ear. I kept my thrusts slow and steady even though i wanted to fuck all these intrusive thoughts away. I didn't have time to think about this. It's just a fuck, Johnny. A fuck you need to put your mind at ease and get back to sleep. It's...it's just a…

My need to tear through her at a fast pace dwindled as i realized how much the gentleness was worth it. I pulled away from her shoulder and looked at her, amazed by how fucking stunning she was. Her full lips were pouted open just enough to let the softest of mewls fill the space between us. Her hair spread across the pillows like a crown of amethyst and her beautifully rich skin glowed with a pink flush. Though her makeup was a mess she still seemed...beautiful. I was thankful her eyes were closed because she wouldn't be able to see the shock on my face. God, my head was swimming and she was devouring me. I was only getting weaker against her and she was everything I wanted.

“It's ok now,” she cooed once she felt my body pause. Her knee slipped from around my waist towards my ribs letting me sink in almost to the hilt. “You can go a little faster.”

“I don't want to hurt you.” I finally said. My voice was trembling.

She shook her head. “It won't now, baby. Trust me. I want to feel you cum.”

“I-inside?”

She buried her face against my shoulder and I could barely make out her whisper. “Just cum, okay?”

I nodded and finally sped up my thrusts getting a bit more relief than when i was going slow and feeling every painstakingly good thing about her. Her sweet little moans were driving me crazy and i kissed her again just to try and keep her quiet. I buried my fingers in her hair, forcing her head to stay close. I was afraid now, more than ever. Sometimes fear was just a reflection of what we truly desired and i was afraid of the love she was giving me. The tenderness, the worry, the support, the protection. It was all I ever wanted and now that I had it i didnt know what to do with it but push it away. The insecure thoughts in my mind reminded me that I wasn't going to be able to escape this feeling. It was solidified when my lips pulled from hers and I could see her head tossed back against the pillows. Her body was arched perfectly against me as if we were molded together. My name was the only thing she could say beside ‘please’ and it brought me closer to finishing. My hand gripped the edge of the mattress and i used the leverage to fuck her harder.

She stretched around me, her nails digging fast tracks into my skin. I knew I was close but I wanted to spend every last moment up until the end inside her. Her muscles were flexing around me making my breath fade into non existence. My body tensed and melted at the same time and i managed to slide away from her warmth. I couldn't help the groan i let out as spurt after spurt painted her inner thighs and heated center. I kept my hold on the mattress so tight I was sure my knuckles were going white. It took a few minutes for me to ground myself and fully relax. I settled my head on her chest, listening to her heartbeat echo in my ears. “You ok?” She whispered.

No. On a lot of levels I was not. Even now that I had worked out some of the anxiety that sent my body into a hyper fit I still wasn't okay. I didn't know how to express that to her exactly especially since part of the reason that I wasn't okay was because i realized all too late that I may feel something deeper for her than I had ever imagined. The sex was supposed to be a cure all but now it just made me want to hide. It was too intimate and real way too fast. Why don't i ever listen to the rational side of my brain?

“Johnny?”

“What?” I grumbled, mad at myself.

She kissed the top of my head and wrapped her hand around mine. “If you can't sleep or don’t want to I’ll stay up with you.”

I sighed and rolled off her, rubbing both my hands across my face. “Nah, it’s chill. Go to sleep. I’ll be fine or whatever.”

“You don’t sound fine.” She said sadly.

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

“Wow, great. As if anything good ever came from that sentence being uttered between two people.”

“I’m serious, my heads just still all fucked up. Thinking about a lot of shit still.”

“I know I could tell...butttt you seemed pretty eager to fuck me again. Especially now that im covered in your cum.”

I couldn't help but laugh a bit. “I'm always eager to fuck you.” I admitted.

“Well duh. I'm great in the sack.” She cuddled against me and placed a kiss on my cheek. I was kicking myself the entire time but there was a bigger voice saying fuck it. Fuck the complicated ass feelings. If you could be happy for one night, one day, then do it. I deserved it. I'm going back to having fun.

“You didn't cum.” I said suddenly with my newfound realization and motivation.

She kissed my neck this time. “Don't care. It was about you, daddy.”

That damn word again. I hadn't even had a chance to relax and I was getting worked up again. “I care. I want you to feel good too. I was being kind of selfish.”

She shook her head. “I'm telling you, you did exactly what I wanted. I wanted you inside me and I wanted you to cum and feel good.”

“Get on top of me.” I commanded.

“Johnny you seriously-”

“Princess, do you think i'm joking? Get on top of me.”

Her cheeks flared up again and her mouth hung open a little. “I...um...o-okay.” She kept her head low as she crawled back over my hips.

“Fuck yourself on me. Now.”

“You sure? I-i mean, you just came so like...you'll be really sensitive and -Ah!!” I cut off her sentence with a slap to her thigh.

“Do it, Eri. I’m over these fucking feelings eating me up and I’ll be damned if it keeps happening and ruining my time with you-with anyone.”

She let out a cute whimper and lifted her hips up a bit. She guided my still mostly hard cock towards her entrance and sunk down slowly. I hissed harshly, squeezing my eyes shut tight as her body completely overwhelmed my sensitivity. I had never felt anything like this before. She hadn’t even started moving and I already felt like I was going to cum again. I tried to steady my breathing that was building rapidly. It almost felt as intense as my anxiety attack but this was one hell of a way for my body to react. I clawed at her hips, leaving my own marks behind as she began working her ass against me. This was exactly what I needed. My mind was a fucked out mess, only being able to concentrate on how good she felt instead of everything else and my body couldn’t keep up.

We were getting lost in each other and it seemed never ending. A rough grind here, a thrust there, our hands never straying away from one another. Her neck disappeared in my palm and she pressed her thumb against my throat testing the waters of my shaking frame. She was practically saying my new found title like a prayer, over and over as if it was going to tether her to some holy plane. I could barely manage any sounds. My voice was nonexistent though I wanted to scream for her. I wanted her to know that i was losing myself and never wanted to resurface. Her thighs quivered then, her tiny fingers clutching at my neck tighter.

Her moans were becoming rougher and more staggered until she finally came like i wanted. She fell forward onto me, burying her face in my chest as small shivers went throughout her system. It was enough to make my body react, reaching another orgasm that shocked the hell out of me. I had never got off more than once in such a short time frame. It was more intense and a bit longer than before and fuck it felt amazing. I didnt know i was even capable of doing that. “H-holy fuck…” i finally managed to say. “Eri, what the fuck did you do to me?”

She was so deep in my chest that her voice was muffled. “I'm guessing you found out that guys can have multiple orgasms without cumming, huh?”

“Oh my god...since when?”

She snorted. “It takes some practice and getting used to but it's possible. They don't teach you that shit in sex ed.”

I pushed my hair back and wiped at the sweat across my forehead. “Jesus…”

“Welcome to my,” her sentence was interrupted with a yawn. “World.”

I kissed her forehead and set my arms around her shoulder as i tried to process everything that happened between us. “Sleep, ok?”

“‘M sticky…” she mumbled.

Right. Fuck. My body felt like a sack of bricks but i parted from her gently and slowly worked my way to the bathroom, grabbing my towel from the back of my door. The apartment was still quiet and the automatic timer on the tv had shut it off leaving everything is darkness. I didn't even know if Jae had come home. I'd have to check my phone to see if he had texted me at some point. I managed to not trip on anything getting to the bathroom sink and wet the towel. Briefly i looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was sticking up in random places, lipstick smeared on my mouth and neck, and my eyes red. I splashed some water on my face and washed away the lipstick before heading back to my room.

Eri was splayed out in bed, her chest rising and falling gently. I realized she had already fallen asleep. I smiled as I took in her soft features and the way her lips pouted ever so slightly. I didn't want to disturb her so i cleaned her up as best as I could, ridding her of my leftover cum. When i was satisfied with my own cleanup i dove back into bed, setting my arm around her waist. I was afraid of falling back asleep but as soon as my head hit the pillow I was out, faded, satiated, and reminiscing on feelings I shouldn't be having.

--

When I woke up it was already later in the evening. My body was still sore and tired but also starving. My hunger got the best of me and I needed something soon. I rubbed at my eyes, blinking a few times to see that Eri was still being my little spoon. I pressed a kiss between her shoulder blades and sighed contently. I felt...good. Like really good. Like a fog had been lifted from my mind. For the first time in a month i felt like I could breathe easier and was happy to be alive. This was exactly what i needed. I tried sitting up a bit so i could prepare myself to start functioning but I noticed I was trapped inside her.

When the hell did that happen?

I dont remember us fooling around after we passed out, let alone getting hard enough again to stay inside her. Her warmth feel so good, even better when she shifted and backed herself up against me more. A soft sigh fell from her lips and I wondered if I should finish whatever the hell I had started. No. If i did she would keep me in this bed all damn day and I'd never get anything done. Slowly, I parted from her, biting my lip at the heated wetness that coated my cock still. I could grab a quick shower and take care of it then. I left her in bed and went about getting a shower (and jerk off session) in, scrubbing away a day and a half's worth of sweat and sex. I got on a fresh pair of pj pants and popped in my airpods, putting on my spotify list and heading to the kitchen.

There was about a half dozen texts from Jae and the group chat had blown up with about 50 messages, mostly from Yuta. Afterall he was there right in the thick of it and apparently was arguing with T.Y. for kicking Eri out. I didn't want to think about that now and only answered Jae letting him know that I was at the apartment. I worked through the fridge, getting what wasn't spoiled and remotely related to breakfast food out to start cooking. The music hit me as i was beating some eggs and i started dancing and singing along. I was enjoying it way too much and it was the best feeling ever.

In the middle of turning my omelet over I felt hands slide over my hip bones, resting beneath the band of my pajamas pants. Looking over my shoulder i could see Eri pressed into my back nuzzling against my skin. I set my omelet on a plate and popped out an airpod. I turned around and grabbed her waist, keeping her against me. She smiled and wrapped her arms around my neck making us press our forehead together. I was still grooving to the music, making her sway with me as she giggled. “What’s gotten into you this morning-afternoon-thing?”

“Don’t know,” I hummed a bit. “Just don’t feel as shitty right now.”

“Ohh, aren’t those less depression days nice? Makes you not feel like dying as much.”

I nodded and closed my eyes, just liking the way she felt against me. “Oh baby, maybe it's that look in your eyes. They been telling me she wanna leave. She's been dancing with the devil all night. it's like Hell is where she wanna be…” My own little concert was cut short when i felt her hit my chest hard. “Ouch, what the hell?!”

“You never told me you could sing you-you-stupid hot bastard!” She exclaimed.

“Oh...I’m more than just a dick you know.”

“EXCUSE?! You of all people saying that! I should hit you again!”

“Please don’t.”

“Oh, fuck...oh my god. I didn’t mean-”

“I know.” I shrugged. “But I was joking, mostly. Just kinda feeling the song you know? Been listening to it on repeat and I finally feel good about music again.” I said.

“Will you sing for me some more?”

“Only if you’ll sing for me.”

“Well,” She laughed. “If you want me to scream in your face I will most certainly do that. But that’s all you get from me.”

“Oh right, your emo-screamo-twig bands. Serenade me with your lyrics about death and stabbing and going against the man.”

“As long as you serenade me about taking drugs and fucking girls because ‘i’m into it’.”

I leaned back against the counter, smirking a bit. “You listen to them too?”

“I listen to a lot of things.” She stood on her tiptoes and gave me a kiss. “I’m more than just a dick you know.”

I rolled my eyes and chuckled. “You’re fucking weird.” I grabbed her ass that I loved so much and pulled her up for a deeper kiss. She wasted no time sliding my tongue past my teeth and I could taste the fresh mintiness of my mouthwash on her. I slid my hands up my hoodie she had put on again, exposing her ass completely and about ready to fuck her on the counter, food forgotten. That was until i heard a throat clear behind us.

Eri and I separated and adjusted ourselves before turning around to see Quinn standing in the kitchen. “Well sorry to interrupt you guys tongue fucking each other's mouths but now that you're up I can finally give Eri their phone.”

“My-? Fuck, i didn't even notice! Where was it?” Eri said.

“You left it in Taeyong's bathroom. After the kinda fight thing happened and you left, Jae and I were worried about where you and Johnny might have gone off too. I luckily found it when i was trying to call you.” She handed it over to Eri. “We got to and realized that you  the apartment around 3 am and realized you guys were here because of all the ‘oh daddy’, ‘daddy, yes! Please!’ getting screamed.”

Eri and I both stood up straighter, our faces crimson and heated. “I-i...i dont know what you're talking about!” Eri tried to lie.

“Don't bother trying to cover it up. You're getting louder, Eri.”

Eri hit Quinn with the fabric of the hoodie sleeve, making Quinn laugh amidst her incessant teasing. I didn't realize that we could be heard fucking. It wasn't something i was really used to with Eri. I could handle people hearing us moan but definitely not her saying...that. I didn't want people to know about that part of us just yet-or even at all. It was way too private. “I'm gonna kill you, Quinn, I swear it!” Eri exclaimed.

“Don't get so touchy! It was kinda hot listening to you guys.”

“You listened?!” I said. “What the hell, Quinn?!”

She just shrugged. “Ya’ll were being loud! Not like I had a choice! Anyway, Eri, Yuta has been blowing up your phone so you should check in with him. And Mama Doyoung wants to talk to you asap.”

“Fuck.” Eri whispered. “Doyoung is gonna kill me. Shit, I have to call him right now.”

“Why would Doyoung kill you?” I asked.

“It’s...nevermind. I may have to go see him.”

“Oh, also, one more thing.” Quinn started. “Jae and I are going to get boba this week.”

“I love boba!” Eri interrupted.

“I know. That’s why you and Johnny are going on a double date with us.”

“Whoa, wait what?!” I couldn’t help that my voice went up a few levels. “I dont- we are not dating or going out on dates!”

“Uh- huh so anyway, if ya’ll aren’t working Wednesday, we’re going then.”

Eri looked at Quinn then at me. “Uh...um...well...it’s not like a date-date, right? Friends get boba all the time. We get boba with Lucas and Yuta! Those aren’t dates.”

“Ok, whatever you wanna say. We’re going on a double date. So like be ready. I’m gonna go back to bed. I’m too tired.” Quinn gave Eri a kiss that lasted a little bit longer than I preferred. “Let me know how it goes with Doyoung, ok?”

Eri sighed and let Quinn leave, watching as she closed to door to Jae’s room before turning to me. “I’m so sorry. Quinn gets weird when they’re cranky and tired, ignore that. We’re not going on a date.”

I stayed quiet for a moment. “Do you always let Quinn kiss you like that?”

“Uh, what? Well, like...for the most part. Why?”

“Hmm.” My hands gripped tighter around the edge of the counter. Was I actually jealous or was Quinn just annoying me as usual? Eri looked up at me as I spaced out in my thoughts.

“Do you...not like that or something?”

“I mean, you can do whatever you want with your life. Go see Doyoung or whatever too.”

“Johnny, are you jealous?” She asked.

“Why would I be? You got shit to do, it’s fine.”

She cupped my face in her hand and made me look at her even though I didn’t want to.

“I’ll come back if I can, ok? Maybe…” She kissed my neck and trailed the kisses up to my ear. “We can sleep with you inside me again? Like this morning?”

I bit my lip, hating how good that sounded. There was no reason for me to feel all kinds of weird jealousy. I knew I fuckin’ had her in the palm of my hand. “Yeah...yeah, babe. Sounds good.”

She gave me a small bite beneath my jaw. I could feel the mark she was leaving behind already surfacing. I winced for a second before nudging my head away. “I’ll try and be quick okay?”

I just nodded and turned back to my omelet, grabbing a fork to stab into it. Eri went back to my room, probably to gather her discarded halloween outfit. I noticed she was keeping my hoodie on with her skirt and thigh highs instead of all the straps and shit she wore. She didn’t say anything about borrowing it or even about asking to keep it and neither did I. When she got to the door she gave me a little wave and before she left I called out to her.

“Hey, Eri?”

“Yeah?”

“I’ll go on that date with you.”

--

Eri’s Pov

I got home and showered so I didn't completely smell like weed, body spray and sex before I went to go see Doyoung. I was so tired and worn out. I felt like my whole damn uterus was about to fall out and i was all kinds of fucked up over Johnny. He was doing shit to me that I never thought was possible. I set my head against the shower wall and sighed, letting the hot water run over me. The scratches he left behind were a little bit deeper than i thought and stung under the spray. I didn't want Doyoung to see any of the marks I had since i was almost 1000% sure he was going to grill me about Johnny. I sighed as i stepped out and dried myself off. I didn't have time to deep condition my hair so it was about to be on the hot mess express and not be ready for work tomorrow. I tied it up in a bun and went to my room to pull on some fresh clothes. I looked over at Johnny's hoodie that remained discarded on my bed and bit my lip as i pulled it close. I hugged it to my chest and nuzzled the hood, taking in the smell of it. It was just like his flannel that day, warm and musky. The cologne was faded and more so smelled like him. It was perfect. Maybe when I went back to see him I would give him the flannel. After I washed it it started smelling like springtime freshness instead of him.

I pulled the hoodie on, realizing I didn't have that much time to spare. I texted Doyoung that I was on my way and left for my car. When i got to his tiny dorm room he yanked me and almost threw me on his bed. “1. What the hell, you haven't talked to me in forever!” I went to reply but he cut me off. “2. What is going on with you, Eri? I'm hearing all this shit about you and I don't even know what's up from down! 3. Did i or did I not say DONT hook up with Johnny?!”

I sighed and flopped on the bed. “Hello to you too, Doyoung.”

“Eri. Start talking.”

I told him almost everything; the hookup at the party, how we have class together, when we fucked in the bathroom, the racist prick at the beach, the bumper car, how gentle Johnny could be and that he had bad things happen to him that he didn't deserve. I didn't go into specifics about Johnny's assault or anxiety attacks; it wasn't my place to do so and I would never betray his trust like that. “He can be an asshole sometimes but he...he has a lot going on.”

“So that justifies his behaviors?”

“Of course not! I'm just saying...he isn't all bad. You cant judge someone for sleeping around when I do the same and you care about me.”

“I know that Eri.” Doyoung sighed and sat beside me. “I worry about you. I heard about a fight at Taeyongs party?”

“It wasn't a fight, but trust me I was ready to take my gauges out and end her. What happened was that this girl, this….monster, she was-” I licked my lips and took a deep breath. “She was just not a good person and I had to help Johnny get away from her.”

“Get away from her? What do you mean?”

“There's things that I can't talk about. They aren't my place to talk about. He trusted me with these things and-and all you need to know is that I would've probably gone to jail for him.”

“Oh my god Eri…”

“What?”

“You're in love with him.”

I shot up from the bed. “KIM DOYOUNG WHAT THE HELL?”

“It makes sense now. The way you guys acted at the beach, when you, unfortunately, described in detail how you guys hooked up, and now you wanting to protect him? And-” he looked at my phone as a notification came in. “Who is Heart-Heart-Big Dick Daddy-Heart-Heart?”

“What?” I looked down and unlocked my phone. When i opened the message it was a picture of Johnny with the edge of my panties between his teeth. The accompanying message was ‘forgot something?😏’. My entire face lit up and i realized Doyoung had seen it to.

“Ya'll are nasty.” He stated flatly.

“I-! It was Quinn! They took my phone because i left it at the party! His name was Johnny in the contacts before!”

“And your underwear in his mouth is-?”

I stood quiet for a moment. “Ok, we know I make bad decisions, it's not rocket science. However, i am not in love with him. I can't. I won't ever be. You know that I can't.”

“Eri, that was literally almost three years ago. It was a mistake but it doesn't automatically prohibit you from ever being capable of falling in love again.”

“It does, Doyoung because I know that I fucked up and i can never take that back. I can't risk hurting anyone again and have it on my conscious. It already haunts me every day.”

“You need to stop letting it eat at you. What happened with Jungwoo could've happened with anyone.”

“Yeah but I picked the sweetest boy in the entire world to hurt. He didn't deserve it. And i don't deserve to have someone like that in my life again.”

Doyoung sighed. “Stop thinking that way. Making a mistake doesn't make you worthless. Besides you need to face the truth if that’s what's going on now. As much as i don't approve of him, you need to come to terms with the fact that you feel something for him. It's written all over your face.”

“It is not! Please stop saying that! It's not true! It's not!” I could feel my heart clench as my breath stuttered in my lungs. The thought of love sent me into a panic. It made me think of how I ran away from it all. The pain, the doubt, the fear. It was hitting me all at once again and attacking me like some sort of monster. I felt Doyoung wrap his arms around me and set my head on his chest. His chin rested on the top of my head.

“Eri, please. It doesn't have to be this way. You don't have to close yourself shut. You have love for so many people. You have the biggest heart and are always the first to protect us over anything. You have the ability to love wholeheartedly. Why is that so scary?”

“I'm not worth it...and i know you're going to tell me I am but i'm not. Before Jungwoo, my ex in high school who I spent years together with lied to my face about loving me. She said she never did the whole time we were together, Then i get to college, meet Jungwoo and became no better than her.”

“That's not true. You did love him you just…” he sighed. “I don't know how else to make you see that you deserve to be happy. Do you really care about Johnny?”

I sniffled and nodded my head silently.

“And he trusted you to reveal of whatever happened to him. He let you seem him in a state of vulnerability, right?”

I nodded again.

“Well i'm glad he has some fucking semblance of humanity and isn't just a regular fuck boy.” Doyoung kissed the top of my head. “I want you to know that I'll protect you too, ok? If he ever so much as hurts you then he'll be dead. Also if he does care about you then i don't want you to be afraid anymore. You have to face it some day and it may be sooner than you think.”

I buried my face in his chest as the beginning tears started falling. Fuck, if he wasn't right. I was still running away from things that I hadn't been able to get over. If this went any farther with Johnny would I end up hurting him too? He was the last person that deserved any more hurt. I wanted to see him smile more, dance more, sing more, have fun cooking and goofing off. I wanted us to share thousands of kisses and feel the way his heart beat beneath my fingers when I curled up against him. I wanted to be the one to support him and bring that smile to his face. I couldn't cure his depression or anxiety but I wanted to be maybe the tiniest glimmer of hope he had in knowing that he wasn't alone. We were two imperfect asteroids and when we collided sparks flew within our little galaxy and made waves of colors that represented our feelings for one another. What feelings were we even having anyway? Was it all one sided? That was another fear I couldn't face just yet. What if all this time, as i was tearing my wall down to let him in, he never felt anything at all for me. I could still probably be some hook up to him, something meaningless and unworthy as usual.

I couldn't help that I was crying harder and Doyoung didn't question any of it. He let me have my time knowing that this ate me alive and destroyed me. It was my biggest weakness and regret all compiled into one and spread like weeds to anything new I tried to let into my life. Worst of all, in the pit of my heart I knew that he was absolutely right. I was falling in love with Johnny.